The Vineyard

Famous winemaker Dr Po invites some young actors to his exclusive vineyard to audition for a film but in fact he is after their blood. Dr Po is actually a mad scientist with occult powers who is obsessed with immortality, for which he needs young blood. Throw in some zombies, martial arts, sex/nudity, dudes in tight tops with bulging biceps, a bit of gore, 80's fashions and music , this is quite a melting pot. Although it did get a limited theatrical release this movie is very typical of the straight to home video kind. I have the UK VHS which has a scary looking old hag on the cover, quite enticing though sadly her part is quite minor. The acting and script are far from Oscar worthy and the film is more fun than it is good but for me this is far more preferable than the majority of modern digitally shot CGI enhanced horror that is churned out these days.

James Hong is great as always, very sinister and gets to play the wizard with naked hotties in this movie. The Vineyard (bland title) is definitely inspired by Lo Lieh's upchuck classics Black Magic 1 & 2. It just doesn't pull out the stops like those Hong Kong classics or create a twisted reality. The actresses are all lookers and that is a major plus but not enough to make repeated viewing.

I didn't think much of this back in '89, but now the film serves as a fond reminder of a time when horror films didn't have to make much sense just so long as there were hot women in various states of undress, and lots of hokey special makeup effects with a touch of gore. The Vineyard offers plenty of those, as well as a hilariously bad party scene, spider vomiting, some questionable '80s fashion (including that classic male ensemble, cropped vest and three quarter length sweat pants), incredibly big spectacles (as sported by Hong Kong star Michael Wong), a nifty decapitation, James Hong hamming it up, and zombies. In short, it's as cheesy as hell and quite a lot of fun for it.

Hong, who also co-directs, plays wine producer Dr. Elson Po, who poses as a film producer to lure young victims to his island, where he uses their blood to create a potion that prolongs his life. Without this precious elixir, he quickly reverts to an aged state. His latest group of unsuspecting visitors consists of several very fit beauties, a couple of jocks, and journalist Jeremy (Wong), who is writing an article about Po. What follows is incredibly dumb, but rather enjoyable nonsense, that, like a fine wine, has improved with age.

6.5 out of 10, rounded up to 7 for all the big-haired babes.

My Gooooood! I'm just tired to repeat this eternal question: Why was this movie ever made? This is worse than Troll 2, worse than Witchery and Crawlers, it sucks. All the characters and "actors" (they're unique, they have done only this feature)are involved in this story only because they will be victims. This movie just hurts. Zombie make up is cheap and acting and script are hopeless... Total failure!

Watch as actor James Hong (who also co-wrote and co-direct) puts on a show! He steals every frame he's in, but this is because the competition is few and far between. When he isn't obsessively going off his rocker and having his face morph about, you're probably transfixed by the presence (not the acting) of playmate bunny Karen Witter. Hong's depraved character definitely is, but the scenes they mostly share are less than interesting other than the daft climatic showdown. Outside of Hong and Karl Heinz-Tuber, the majority of the performances are one-note and vacant.

Dr. Elson Po is a world renowned wine grower, but he also has a dark secret with an obsession for the forbidden secrets of immortality. To stop the rapid aging process, Po feeds on the life-force of the young aspiring actresses he invites to his island.

"The Vinyard" is low-rent and quite sloppy, despite the amusing unhinged mad doctor / black magic hokum. It has its moments with some ghoulish jolts, sleazy encounters and nasty monster make-up FX (zombies join the party), but it can be patchy and lackadaisical in scenes. Moments can be quite talky (numerous boring exchanges) with the silly script throwing about strange ideas, spiritual themes and linking it with Chinese mythology. At times it can be atmospheric, but its villa and vineyard setting on a secluded island is never taken full advantage of. Even throw in a dungeon with chains.

"You're in a lot of danger here."