Danny DeVito credited as playing...
Gavin D'Amato
- Gavin: There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?
- Gavin: My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife, and his shoes.
- Gavin: Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.
- Gavin: At 15 I became an evolutionist, and it all became clear: We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.
- Barbara Rose: Besides money...
- [Barbara kicks off one of her heels and puts her foot in Gavin's crotch]
- Barbara Rose: what would it take to get you to help me, Gavin?
- Gavin: Come on, put your shoes on, Barbara. I haven't been into feet since '82.
- [first lines]
- Gavin: [talking to a client] You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.
- [blows his nose with a handkerchief]
- Gavin: Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.
- [sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils]
- Gavin: In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.
- [pulls a cigarette out of a pack]
- Gavin: I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.
- [lights his cigarette]
- Gavin: I hadn't smoked for 13 years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.
- [fetches a plastic case out of a drawer]
- Gavin: I had this little case made for it.
- [opens it and shows it to him]
- Gavin: Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...
- Oliver Rose: What the hell is wrong with you?
- Gavin: [cut to interior of Gavin's office] If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.