Laser Mission

...not only did he have a short career and died before he was able to break out, but he starred in a TERRIBLE movie that somehow lost its copyright and is now widely available in bargain bins in Wal-Marts and K-Marts all across North America!

Those who like so-bad-they're-good movies may enjoy this, if they can get past Brandon's humiliation. His character is unbelievably obnoxious, with snide remarks and an egotistical attitude that make it hard to root for him. Still, there's a lot to laugh at here. Unbelievably cheap production values, unbelievably goofy dialogue, "comic" relief that's so bad that it becomes funny (though not in the way intended!), and Borgnine's bad German accent (which fades in and out!) Incidently, it looks like Borgnine knocked off his scenes with only four or so days of shooting!

One genuinely positive thing to say about the movie: some of the desert locations do look spectacular. If anything good will come out of this fiasco, it may be that it will inspire some filmmaker (B movie or otherwise) to use these desert locations as a good backdrop for a far superior movie.

In only his second leading role, Brandon Lee already shows charisma and even a gift for self-parody, and he particularly shines when he's allowed to show his terrific fighting skills....unfortunately there is much more gun action than hand-to-hand combat here. His co-star, Debi Monahan, is not much of a fighter, but she's sexy, she can handle a gun and if there was a "best cleavage" award in the movies then I think she would have won it that year. Watching these two almost makes up for the forced "comic relief" from the secondary characters, the monotonous action, the confusing geography and the low production values. But who thought it was a good idea to have Ernest Borgnine waving a shotgun and running around in the desert at his age? (Happy belated 89th birthday, by the way!) (**)

This film is Hilarious.

The Budget was so small that they had to re-use extras repeatedly. There's this one guy who stands out like a sore thumb,

(He's a Black Guy with huge Yellow front teeth), I counted him in the film 22 times, with Brandon Lee killing him 18 of those times !

Editing is the worst I have ever seen .......

Bad guy called: "Col. Kalishnakov" ......

Ernest Borgnine as a German, who speaks with a Russian acent.....

Majority of the crew have never worked on another film.....

This would be brilliant to show in Film School's, for what not to do.

This film is so terribly bad, that its actually Brilliant !

I WAS drunk the first time I saw it, so I laughed more, even still though - You gotta see this film.

Michael Gold (Brandon Lee) is a mercenary hired by the CIA to find a German scientist (Ernest Borgnine). The scientist has developed a laser technology that everyone wants. After their rendezvous on the beach, both Brandon and Borgnine are captured. This sets up the daring escape by Brandon, after which he volunteers to go back and find the professor.

This movie is classically bad. It seems to take place in Africa, with Soviet, Cuban and German soldiers involved. Debi Monahan rounds up the cast as the professor's daughter. She is thoroughly annoying in this role, as her voice seems to increase in pitch as she gets louder and is also very whiny. The only redeeming qualities of her character is her push up blue dress, which seems to be the only thing she wears during the movie (she does wear a white jump suit at the beginning and a bed sheet after the "sex" scene).

Brandon Lee is suppose to be the star of this movie, however, he comes off quite flat. Its not just the acting thats bad but also the action. I haven't seen so many drop-kicks since Star Trek : The Original Series. He also tries to emulate his father by doing "characterizations" (see Chinese Connection). The slapping Manuel sketch is a good indicator how bad his acting is. It is funny though. He also seems to pull off an Arab beggar.

To complement Brandon (other than Debi Monahan), we get Mr. Borgnine (whom we see actually sleeping during a scene), a crazy Soviet Colonel (who refuses to die), a white big game hunter and a pair of bungling Cuban soldiers (a female Sergeant and the beloved Manuel).

Nothing sums up this movie more completely than the "theme song" of the movie (Mercenary Man), which seems to be playing in either muzak form or the 80's bad rock form and the dialog.

Dialog such as :

(Brandon) I did my job. Pay me and let me get the hell outta here.

(CIA suit) Kiss ... my ... ass !!!

(Brandon) NO !

This movie was definitely worth the $4 I spent on it. RIP Brandon.

-Celluloid Rehab

Bad news folks. The Soviets are on some sort of...LASER MISSION!

Even if that brief plot summary doesn't tell you all you need to know about "Laser Mission", you'll get the idea within the first few minutes. It's a B-movie to it's core, complete with B-movie editing, scripting, and logic. While watching you may occasionally even wonder how this one might have worked as an episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000".

That said, there are two audiences that will appreciate "Laser Mission" -- B-movie junkies and fans of Brandon Lee, who was destined for better roles than the one he has here. If you fall into either or both of those categories, this movie might be worth your time.