Gary Cooper credited as playing...
George Curtis
- Gilda Farrell: The only thing we can do: let's forget sex.
- George Curtis: Okay.
- Tom Chambers: Agreed.
- George Curtis: It may be a bit difficult in the beginning.
- Tom Chambers: But, it can be worked on.
- Gilda Farrell: Oh, it'll be grand!
- George Curtis: Save lots of time.
- Tom Chambers: And confusion.
- Tom Chambers: That's one way of meeting the situation. Shipping clerk comes home, finds missus with boarder. He breaks dishes. It's pure burlesque. Then there's another way. Intelligent artist returns unexpectedly, finds treacherous friends, both discuss the pros and cons of the situation in grownup dialogue. High-class comedy, enjoyed by everybody.
- George Curtis: There's a third way. I'll kick your teeth out and tear your head off and beat some decency into you!
- Tom Chambers: Cheap melodrama. Very dull.
- Max Plunkett: Mr. Curtis? What is your annual income, in round figures?
- George Curtis: In round figures? Zero.
- Max Plunkett: May I ask what you live on?
- George Curtis: Nothing. I survive on miracles.
- George Curtis: Why didn't you like my picture?
- Gilda Farrell: It's smart aleck. You're wisecracking with paint. It simply creaks with originality. Lady Godiva riding a bicycle!
- Tom Chambers: I know what she means. A bicycle seat is a little hard on Lady Godiva's historical background.
- George Curtis: Shut up! I see, Lady Godiva doesn't belong on a bicycle; but, it's okay to put Napoleon in a Kaplan & Maguire, non-wrinkling, two-fifty, union suit!
- Tom Chambers: Quite right. That's not history. And if may say so,, they do wrinkle.
- Gilda Farrell: I'm a commercial artist. I'm being paid to tell the world that if Napoleon were alive today, he would wear Kaplan & Macquire's two-fifty, non-wrinkling underwear.
- George Curtis: Pure hooey!
- Gilda Farrell: You're wasting your time painting for art galleries. You should get in contact with some bicycle manufacturer. You'd clean up. I'll give you a good slogan: Join Lady Godiva on our tandem.
- George Curtis: Sacrifice helps an artist.
- Tom Chambers: Exactly! Sorrows of life are the joys of art.
- Gilda Farrell: We're going to concentrate on work - your work. My work doesn't count. I think you boys have a great deal of talent; but, too much ego. You spend one day working and a whole month bragging. Gentlemen, there are going to be few changes. I'm going to jump up and down on your ego. I'm going to criticize your work with a baseball bat. I'm going to tell you every day how bad your stuff is until you get something good and if it's good I'm going to tell you it's rotten till you get something better. I'm going to be a mother of the arts. - - No sex.
- George Curtis, Tom Chambers: No.
- Gilda Farrell: It's a gentlemen's agreement.
- George Curtis: I haven't got a clean shirt to my name.
- Tom Chambers: Why a clean shirt? What's up? A romance?
- George Curtis: I'm not talking about pajamas. I'm talking about a clean shirt!
- Tom Chambers: May I refer you to a letter, sent to you from London, in a similar crisis?
- George Curtis: You're a very high class...
- Tom Chambers: I could have enclosed some smallpox germs, easily.
- George Curtis: But you didn't. Very considerate. Let's drink to that...
- [proposing a toast]
- George Curtis: To smallpox germs.
- Tom Chambers: In Latin, variola caca.
- Gilda Farrell: You exhibited a painting at the Charlez Gallery.
- George Curtis: True.
- Gilda Farrell: Let me see, oh, "Lady Godiva" wasn't it?
- George Curtis: Did you like it?
- Gilda Farrell: I saw it with a friend of mine. She loved it. We haven't spoken since.
- George Curtis: How old is the laundress?
- Tom Chambers: About 45.
- George Curtis: A young 45?
- Tom Chambers: Oh, I don't know. She goes barefoot. She's rather plump. A little soapy. But, a very interesting mustache! Very charming. Very charming. But, not my type.
- George Curtis: Mustache or no mustache, I need a clean shirt for tomorrow.
- George Curtis: So, you've been making love to Gilda.
- Tom Chambers: Oh, now, listen...
- George Curtis: I know! One hundred percent virtue and three square meals a day!
- Gilda Farrell: George, dear George, when I let you make love to me yesterday, I didn't tell you something. I didn't tell you that the day before, Tom and I had - Did he tell you?
- George Curtis: No.
- Gilda Farrell: Thank you, Tommy.
- Tom Chambers: Very welcome.
- George Curtis: [drunkenly] I think we're being very sensible.
- Tom Chambers: Extremely.
- George Curtis: Good for our livers.
- Tom Chambers: Good for our immortal souls!
- George Curtis: And bad for our stomachs.
- Tom Chambers: That's loose thinking. What's bad for your stomach, maybe highly entertaining for my stomach.
- George Curtis: We must forget Gilda.
- Tom Chambers: Utterly!
- George Curtis: Let's change the subject.
- Tom Chambers: Right! Let's talk about something entirely new.
- George Curtis: Let's talk about our ourselves!
- Max's Butler: Are you expected?
- George Curtis: No. Not exactly expected
- Tom Chambers: Anticipated. Hoped for. And dreamed about.
- George Curtis: I love you, Gilda.
- Gilda Farrell: That's sweet to hear.
- George Curtis: Gilda, sometimes I wonder what I see in you. You don't appreciate me - and you know nothing about art!
- Gilda Farrell: Maybe you love me because I'm an imbecile.
- George Curtis: It must be something like that.
- George Curtis: I love you Gilda. Why lie about it? You can't change love by shaking hands with somebody. We're unreal. The three of us. Trying to play jokes on nature. This is real.
- [George kisses Gilda]
- George Curtis: A million times more honest than all the art in the world.