Stan Laurel credited as playing...
Stan
- Stanley: [reading newspaper] Listen to this: "Wealthy young widow with large fortune wishes to communicate with congenial young man. Object: matrimony. Reply Box 204J."
- Oliver: Probably some old crab with a face that would stop a clock! I wouldn't want to marry her no matter how much money she had.
- Stanley: Well, I'd marry her.
- Oliver: You would!
- Stanley: Well, after all, beauty's only skin deep. I'd take some of the money and I'd have her face lifted. Then I could settle down and I wouldn't have to scrape chins any more - wouldn't have to work hard any more.
- Oliver: Tell me that again.
- Stanley: Huh?
- Oliver: Let me hear that again.
- Stanley: Well, if beauty was only knee--skin deep, I could take some of the money and I could have her skinned. Then she'd be able to look at a clock without having to work hard any more. Then we could settle down and I could scrape her chin and congenial, if-if I didn't have to work hard anymore.
- Oliver: That's a good idea.
- Oliver: Do you want me to get my throat cut?
- Stanley: No.
- Oliver: Well, then, don't go to sleep!
- Stanley: Well, I can't tell when I'm asleep.
- Oliver: That's why I want you to stay awake. So that you can *see* that you're not asleep.
- Stanley: Well, I couldn't help it, I was dreaming I was awake--and then I woke up and found meself asleep!
- Oliver: [preparing to leave to mail the answers to the wioidnow's personals ad, but then noticing what appear to be some extra initials written near the bottom of Stan's envelope] What does "P.T.O." mean?
- Stanley: "Please Turn Over".
- Oliver: [turns over the envelope and sees, "S.W.A.K. X" written near the gummed flap] "Sealed With A KISS" - -
- [Gives his famous scrunched-eyed grimace of disgust at the silly mushiness of the message]
- Oliver: MMFPH!
- Oliver: You remember that wealthy young widow we wrote to?
- Stanley: Yeah.
- Oliver: Well, while you were out, I got a letter from her. And she fell for me like a ton of bricks. We're going to be married as soon as I can get there.
- Stanley: Did you fall for that old crab after all you said?
- Oliver: Take a look at that.
- [shows Stan a photograph]
- Stanley: Boy, she's a pip.
- Oliver: Isn't she?
- Stanley: I wonder what she can see in you?
- Jitters the butler: [Watching Stan eat an imaginary meal] Eh-eh-eh! You're using the wrong fork!
- Stanley: [Looks and sees that he's holding a spoon, which he throws down in disgust] You're nuts!
- Jitters the butler: Who said I was nuts?
- Stanley: She did!
- [points to the widow]
- Stanley: [giving his famous shrill whistle as Jitters walks away after picking up the imaginary cards] HREEE-yer-REET!
- [Jitters turns and comes back]
- Stanley: You dropped one.
- Jitters the butler: [obligingly reaches down to pick up another imaginary card] Oh--thank you!
- Oliver: [in a disgusted mocking tone] 'You DROPPED one'--HUMPH!