Don Roberts credited as playing...
Club Doorman
- [first lines]
- Club Chairman: Gentlemen, please, the meeting is called to order, and we need quiet, not a riot, otherwise we can't proceed. Listen, you woman haters, we meet for the seventh time, to convince each member of the club that romance is a crime! If you have any questions or any suggestions that you'd like to make today, or if you have a notion to offer a motion, let's hear what you have to say. Come, speak up like a hero, your speech need not be rehearsed. Who's that? Oh, yes, it's Mr. Zero!
- Mr. Zero: All right, I'll speak up first!
- [applause]
- Mr. Zero: I'll give you my opinion of the opposite sex: When a man marries a girl, he has to work while she relaxes. Some smart-aleck wrote a book, "The Woman Always Pays". Yeah, she pays for perfume, powder, paint, and every silly craze. But where does the money come from? From those dopey guys who fall! I say, down with every guy who sings "My life, my love, my all"!
- Club Chairman: Gentleman, those in favor, say "Aye"!
- Club members: Aye! Aye!
- Club Chairman: All right, we'll pass that by!
- Club Doorman: Mr. Chairman, three gentlemen wait without.
- Club Chairman: Without what?
- Club Doorman: They want to join our club today.
- Club Chairman: Okay, admit them, right away!
- Club Chairman: The thirtieth meeting of the Woman Haters' club is called.
- Club Doorman: Mr. Chairman, there's a man outside.
- Club Chairman: Tell him to come inside!
- [an elderly Jim enters]
- Club Chairman: Well, what do you want?
- Jim: I want to join the Woman Haters' Club!
- Jim: [sings] For you, for you, my life, my love, my all, Each evening when the twilight's falling, I'll come home to you, calling...
- Tom, Jack: Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo,
- Jim: I'll croon...
- Jack: [sings] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo
- Jim: A little song about the moon,
- [Jim whistles, holding his cane, imitating a flute player]
- Tom, Jack, Jim: And when I'm finished crooning, on my knees I'll fall,
- Jack: My life,
- Jim: My love,
- Tom: My all!