Stan Laurel credited as playing...
Stan
- Stanley: Did you ever have a mother?
- The Drunk: Oh! Now, you hit me.
- Oliver: That's fine. We have one here dedicated to mothers. May I read it to you?
- The Drunk: Read it.
- Oliver: [reading the greeting card] "Merry Christmas, Mother, Merry Christmas Ma, Hi! Mommy Mommy, And a Hot-Cha-Cha"
- The Drunk: A beautiful thought.
- Stanley: If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right in the nose! And I'm just the feller that can do it!
- Oliver: Now, you're right up our alley! We have a number here which I think is one of Stanley's tenderest thoughts. Now, just listen to this: "A merry Christmas, husband/ Happy New Year's nigh!/ I wish you Easter greetings/ Hooray for the Fourth of July!" Now, we call that our "four-in-one" card.
- Stanley: Yes, Ma'am. You can use it all the year 'round.
- Mrs. Pierre Gustave: No, thanks. I'm still not interested.
- Oliver: Tell me again what happened to the fella that made love to the wife.
- Stanley: Well, when the husband found out that the other fella was jealous, he took - he took him in his arms and then he - he gave his wife a lot of money and then he kissed the other fella because he made him jealous and they went out and then - they all lived happily ever after.
- Oliver: [waiter comes to the table] Two beers.
- Waiter at Café des Artistes: What'll you have?
- Stanley: I'll have two beers, too.
- Oliver: [to the waiter] Just *two* beers.
- Mrs. Pierre Gustave: If my husband saw you kissing me, like he kissed me the first time we met, I'm sure that would make him jealous.
- Oliver: Well how did he kiss you?
- Mrs. Pierre Gustave: I'll show you.
- [demonstrates on Stan]
- Mrs. Pierre Gustave: He had his arms around me, like that. And I put my arms around him, like this. We pressed *tightly* together. Then, his lips met mine.
- [long, long, long kiss, Ollie checks his watch, Stan passes out]
- Mrs. Pierre Gustave: Now, when you hear my husband coming, that's all you have to do.
- [Stan moves in to Mrs. Gustave and gives her another kiss, she passes out]
- Oliver: Now look what you've done!
- Stanley: Well, she started it.
- Oliver: Isn't it bad enough that I'm going to be shot at midnight, without you making my last few hours miserable!
- Stanley: You know what? If you don't show up tonight, he won't be able to shoot you.
- Oliver: Didn't you hear him say that he'd track me to the end of the earth?
- Stanley: Oh, he's full of baloney. You're just the same sometimes.