Reginald Owen: The Waiter

The Good Fairy

The Waiter

Konrad: How's the lobster soup?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Terrible, sir.
Konrad: What?
Detlaff, the Waiter: If there's one thing our chef can't make, it's lobster soup.
Konrad: Well, how's the filet of sole?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Filet of sole, sir?
Konrad: Yes, yes!
Detlaff, the Waiter: Vile, sir.
Konrad: Vile?
Detlaff, the Waiter: I couldn't' recommend it. We're so far from the channel, you know sir, it has to be packed in ice. I suspect that the ice gave out about half way, sir.
Konrad: You don't mean?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Uhm...
[Gestures holding his nose]
Konrad: It's terrible?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Unfortunately, sir.
Konrad: Well, is there anything the matter with the... lamb?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Very leathery, sir.
Konrad: What is leathery? How can lamb be leathery?
Detlaff, the Waiter: I suspect it's goat, sir.
Konrad: Goat! This is ridiculous!

Detlaff, the Waiter: What's your name?
Luisa: Luisa Ginglebusher.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Ginglebusher? Baron so and so, shake hands with, with Miss Ginglebusher? Never!
Luisa: Well, wh..
Detlaff, the Waiter: Don't mention your name to anybody. Just be aristocratic.
Luisa: I'll try.

Detlaff, the Waiter: [Standing and taking off his shoes] And now, I'm going to give you a dancing lesson.
Luisa: Can you dance?
Detlaff, the Waiter: I've been watching it long enough to know the gist.

Luisa: Oh, no, I've never been anywhere.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Really?
Luisa: Except to the asylum.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Huh?
Luisa: Where I came from.
Detlaff, the Waiter: [as he slowly takes a dinner knife from Luisa that she's been fiddling with] Ohhh. The asylum huh? Have you been out long?
Luisa: Just this morning.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Just this morning? And how does it feel to be out?
Luisa: Oh, wonderful.
Detlaff, the Waiter: It must be, uh, uh, cured of course?
Luisa: Huh?
Detlaff, the Waiter: I mean, you didn't run away or anything?
Luisa: Oh, no, I didn't run away. Some of the girls run away sometimes. They always bring them back.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Good.
Luisa: Well, I, I don't blame 'em much for running away. It isn't as much fun as you think being an orphan.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Orphan asylum?
Luisa: Why, naturally.
Detlaff, the Waiter: [Looking very relieved] I'm glad to hear it.

Detlaff, the Waiter: Say, would you like some beer and sandwiches?
Luisa: [Having dodged an aggressive Romeo, Caesar Romero] Oh, yes, with a face like yours.
Detlaff, the Waiter: What's the matter with my face?
Luisa: I like it.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Come on, then. I know a place with music.
Luisa: Oh, I love music.

Luisa: [Directing seating as an usherette, with her pointing arrow] Uh, you're supposed to go this way.
Detlaff, the Waiter: That way?
Luisa: Yes, sir
Detlaff, the Waiter: Why?
Luisa: Why?
Detlaff, the Waiter: Yes, why?
Luisa: Well, I, I, don't know, sir.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Then why do you do it?
Luisa: Well, it's orders.
Detlaff, the Waiter: You trying to give me orders?
Luisa: Oh, no, sir
Detlaff, the Waiter: Because I don't like being given orders. I take orders all day in the restaurant, and when it comes night time, I like to be free. Like the birds. Remember that.
Luisa: Yes, sir.

Luisa: Oh, Detlaff, I'm so grateful to you. This has been the most wonderful evening in my whole life.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Not for me, it hasn't. I've never spent such an evening. This is positively the last time that I play nursemaid. If I ever do anything like this again you can call me a dish washer.

Luisa: Look! Somewhere out there... Just think, somewhere out there in the night - maybe one of those twinkling lights, maybe one of those dark windows, is little Maxie, sleeping gently.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Little who?
Luisa: He's worried about his rent, or how he's going to eat tomorrow, or something like that. And he doesn't know, Detlaff - just think, he doesn't know.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Doesn't know what?
Luisa: That I'm watching over him while he sleeps. That I'm' taking care of him. That I'm his good fairy.

Luisa: Even if he doesn't like me anymore, he's got to keep his pencil sharpener, Detlaff.
Detlaff, the Waiter: Who thinks what? What do you mean, his pencil sharpener? The trouble with you is you've been drinking again.
Luisa: Don't be silly. If you start off to be a good fairy you can't stop right in the middle.
Detlaff, the Waiter: In the middle of what? Where does the pencil sharpener come in? You ought to go back in the asylum.

Dr. Sporum: You are the good fairy. You flew into my life and changed everything.
Luisa: No, you're the good fairy who changed my life.
Detlaff, the Waiter: No, no, no! As a matter of fact, I'm entirely responsible.
Konrad: If you say it was you, I'll punch you right in the eye. If there's any good fairy around here, it's me.

Detlaff, the Waiter: [Meeting Luisa when she leaves the theatre employee entrance] I thought I'd better just keep an eye on you. Where'd you get that fur?
Luisa: I don't want an eye kept on me.