Margaret Dumont credited as playing...
Mrs. Claypool
- Otis B. Driftwood: That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.
- Mrs. Claypool: Really?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good.
- Otis B. Driftwood: You see that spaghetti? Now, behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb, director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me?
- Mrs. Claypool: Yes.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well stop following me or I'll have you arrested!
- Mrs. Claypool: I've been sitting right here since seven o'clock.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
- Mrs. Claypool: Get off that bed. What would people say?
- Otis B. Driftwood: They'd probably say you're a very lucky woman.
- [first lines]
- Waiter: The gentleman has not arrived yet?
- Mrs. Claypool: No, he has not.
- Waiter: I'm afraid the dinner will be spoiled.
- Otis B. Driftwood: What difference does it make? It's too late to dine now.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Oh, boy?
- Bellboy: Yes, ma'am?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Will you page Mr. Otis B. Driftwood, please? Mister Otis B. Driftwood.
- Bellboy: Paging Mr. Driftwood! Mr. Driftwood!
- Bellboy: [Driftwood's dinner companion giggles out loud] Mr. Driftwood! Mr. Driftwood!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Boy, would you do me a favor and stop yelling my name all over this restaurant? Do I go around yelling your name?
- Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood!
- Otis B. Driftwood: [Driftwood gets up and looks about the dining room] Say, is your voice changing, or is somebody else paging me around here?
- Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Why, Mrs. Claypool, hello!
- Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood, you invited me to dine with you at 7:00; it is now 8:00 and no dinner.
- Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean, no dinner? I just had one of the biggest meals I ever had in my life,and no thanks to you, either.
- Mrs. Claypool: I've been sitting right here since 7:00.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.
- Otis B. Driftwood: I have arranged for you to invest $200,000 in the New York Opera Company.
- Mrs. Claypool: I don't understand?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Don't you see? You'll be a patron of the opera! You'll get into society. Then you can marry me and they'll kick you out of society and all you've lost is $200,000.
- Mrs. Claypool: If you had any real feeling for me you'd stop associating with the kind of riffraff I've seen you going around with.
- Otis B. Driftwood: You mean Gottlieb?
- Mrs. Claypool: I mean those two uncouth men I saw you around the opera house with. I'm very grateful they're not on board the boat.
- Otis B. Driftwood: [gets up from his chair, concerned] Why, have they slipped off?
- Mrs. Claypool: [pulls him back into his chair] Sit down!
- Mrs. Claypool: Are you sure you have everything, Otis?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't had any complaints yet.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Let's go in my room and talk the situation over.
- Mrs. Claypool: What situation?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Well, er... what situations have you got?
- Mrs. Claypool: I most certainly will not go to your room.
- Otis B. Driftwood: OK, then I'll stay here.
- Mrs. Claypool: All right, all right, all right! I'll come, but get out.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Shall we say, uh, ten minutes?
- Mrs. Claypool: Yes, ten minutes, anything. But go!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Because if you're not there in ten minutes, I'll be back here in eleven. With squeaky shoes on!
- Otis B. Driftwood: Hello toots.
- Mrs. Claypool: Well. What are you doing here? This is Mr. Gottlieb's box.
- Otis B. Driftwood: He couldn't come, so he gave me his ticket. He couldn't get dressed, so he gave me his clothes.
- Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Claypool went to his reward three years ago.
- Herbert Gottlieb: And left you all alone.
- Mrs. Claypool: All alone.
- Herbert Gottlieb: With eight million dollars.
- Mrs. Claypool: Eight million dollars.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Listen, Gottlieb, you're just wasting your time. If Mrs. Claypool wants to marry a fortune hunter, she's always got me.
- Herbert Gottlieb: Fortune hunter?
- Otis B. Driftwood: As a matter of fact, you can hardly call me a fortune hunter. Because when I first proposed to Mrs. Claypool, I thought she only had seven million. But, the extra million is never interfered with my feelings for her.
- Herbert Gottlieb: Mrs. Claypool, you're as charming as you are beautiful.
- Mrs. Claypool: I'm afraid you've used that speech before, Mr. Gottlieb.
- Otis B. Driftwood: Now, listen here Gottlieb, making love to Mrs. Claypool is my racket. What you're after is $200,000. And you better make is sound plausible; because, incredible as it may seem, Mrs. Claypool isn't as big a sap as she looks. How's that for love making?
- Mrs. Claypool: I think the Europeans do it better?
- Otis B. Driftwood: Okay, Gottlieb, it's your turn. You take a whack at it - and keep it clean.
- Herbert Gottlieb: If you pardon my saying so, Mrs. Claypool, Mr. Driftwood seems to me hardly the person to handle your business affairs.
- Mrs. Claypool: I'm beginning to think the same thing.