Robert Benchley credited as playing...
Martin Cortland
- Martin Cortland: Do anything so long as you make my wife believe I was telling the truth when I was lying to her!
- Robert Curtis: Look, I thought you promised there'd be no more galloping over rooftops?
- Martin Cortland: Well, but this is different. She's a foreigner!
- Robert Curtis: What's different about it? A gallop is a gallop in any language.
- [Cortland's car stops in front of a jewellery store; he asks his chauffeur why they have stopped here]
- Jenkins, Martin's Chauffeur: Well don't you remember sir? This is your wedding anniversary.
- Martin Cortland: Oh, of course, of course. My fifteenth, delightful occasion. Thank you, Jenkins.
- [Cortland goes in, picks out a diamond bracelet]
- 5th Avenue Jewelry Salesman: Fine. To tell you the truth, that's my preference. Now will there be anything else?
- Martin Cortland: No thank you. Oh, yes, yes - I want to get something for my wife, too.
- Martin Cortland: Julia is going to divorce me.
- Robert Curtis: I'll be the first to congratulate her.
- Martin Cortland: How can you say that! You know I don't want a divorce. I'm a happily married man. I love my wife!
- Robert Curtis: And, besides, all this property is in her name.
- Martin Cortland: She's going to strip me right down to my underwear, too.
- Robert Curtis: You ought to think of that, before you go galloping after something you shouldn't have and can't catch!
- Robert Curtis: All right, Martin, now what's your real idea of doing this show in camp?
- Martin Cortland: Why, Robert, I'm surprised at you. You know I've always wanted to do something for the government.
- Robert Curtis: Oh, yeah, sure, sure.
- Martin Cortland: You'd think I was getting something out of this.
- Robert Curtis: Only my services for nothing, that's all.
- Martin Cortland: What do you mean for nothing? The government pays you $21 a month, doesn't it? Where does that money come from? The taxpayers. I'm a taxpayer.
- Robert Curtis: Let me thank you, Martin.
- Martin Cortland: Don't mention it, my boy.
- Guard House Singer - One of The Four Tones: That Miss Winthrop, she's so beautiful! And I hate her so much! When is Mr. Curtis going to put me in her place?
- Martin Cortland: Any day now, Sonya. I'm working out a new angle.
- Guard House Singer - One of The Four Tones: A new angle? Old angle! This angle! That angle! I want to dance! And all you do is angle me!
- Martin Cortland: Listen, Sonya, you trust me, don't you?
- Guard House Singer - One of The Four Tones: No!
- Mrs. Julia Cortland: You're getting common place, and I'm getting bored with you.
- Martin Cortland: Bored? With me? Is it my fault you reached in the wrong pocket.
- Robert Curtis: All right. I'm your man. The show is on. But I'll tell you why. Right next door lives a little lady who's going to dance with me.
- Martin Cortland: Little lady - who?
- Robert Curtis: Miss Sheila Winthrop.
- Martin Cortland: Sheila Winthrop? Up here? Robert, you don't want her. Why she's a dangerous character. She almost broke me up with my wife - you know that.
- Martin Cortland: Would you stop looking at me that way?
- Mrs. Julia Cortland: Like what?
- Martin Cortland: Well, you oughtta know, you're doing it.
- Martin Cortland: A football team - 11 men. A baseball team - nine. A symphony orchestra - a hundred men. 12 men?... ... A jury!
- Martin Cortland: You don't believe me, then?
- Mrs. Julia Cortland: Oh, of course I do, darling. But that's because I know you so well. I'm just wondering how your story will sound to 12 strange men.
- Martin Cortland: Where are we Jenkins?
- Jenkins, Martin's Chauffeur: Fifth Avenue, sir
- Martin Cortland, Jenkins, Martin's Chauffeur: Well, I can see that, but why are we here?
- Jenkins, Martin's Chauffeur: Well, don't you remember, sir? This is your wedding anniversary.
- Martin Cortland: Oh, of course, heh, heh, of course.
- Martin Cortland: [after Julia has left] Twelve strange men. Twelve strange men? She's batty. What's 12 strange men got to do with this?
- Martin Cortland: Do we have to fight on or wedding anniversary?
- Mrs. Julia Cortland: How did you happen to remember that?
- Martin Cortland: Well, Jenkins told me.
- Mrs. Julia Cortland: Very thoughtful of Jenkins.
- Martin Cortland: Then I'll bring 'em together again, and your conscience will be clean.
- Sonya: But I do not worry about my conscience. I only worry about my career.
- Martin Cortland: Now listen, Sonya, you trust me don't ya?
- Sonya: No!
- Martin Cortland: Oh, that's ridiculous. Everybody trusts me.
- Martin Cortland: I wouldn't be mixed up in a thing like this - it's pretty low, you know. But it's a national emergency, my dear.
- Martin Cortland: You let me do the worrying, huh?
- Sonya: All right, I'll let you do the worrying. But if your plan doesn't work... .