Leon Errol credited as playing...
Uncle Matt Lindsay • Lord Basil Epping
- Lord Basil Epping: That's Diana!
- Lady Ada Epping: And who is Diana?
- Lord Basil Epping: Diana? Diana - it's a mythical name.
- Lady Ada Epping: Oh, quite. Goddess of the chase, wasn't she?
- Lord Basil Epping: It's the same one.
- Diana De Corro: You silly boy, I want to see you again.
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, you do, eh? Why?
- Diana De Corro: You know.
- Lord Basil Epping: Do I?
- Diana De Corro: Of course. I thought we might take up where we left off New Year's Eve.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Wait, I've got to leave.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Well, if I don't practice now, what am I gonna learn my artificial perspiration?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Artificial perspiration?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Uh-Huh!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, we'll have to practice perspiring some other time.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I know we always pal around together, darling; but, this isn't just like going to a baseball game, this is war.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Listen, Uncle Matt, when I get to be real good, I'm gonna go to those Red X meetings.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yeah. Red X meetings?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Sure!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: No, darling, you mean the Red Cross.
- Dennis Lindsay: Have a drink?
- Diana De Corro: Oh, yes. I think I'll have a Pink Lady. Did you ever try one?
- Lord Basil Epping: I beg your pardon.
- Diana De Corro: Oh, you will just *love* a Pink Lady!
- Lady Ada Epping: [Enters the bar with Aunt Della] Basil!
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes, yes, yes.
- Lady Ada Epping: Will you order us a drink, please.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes. Some Pink Women.
- Dennis Lindsay: Well, what do you say to have a little drink?
- Lord Basil Epping: Volumes, my boy. Volumes.
- Aunt Della Lindsay: Dennis, don't you think you could give our show an international flavor if we had representative acts from all the United Nations?
- Dennis Lindsay: Yeah, I guess so.
- Aunt Della Lindsay: We have Russian dancers and a Cossack Choir from Russia and little Dutch girls in wooden shoe dances and Mrs. Brown saying she can get us a Chinese magician!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, Della, I almost forgot. I know where you can get some trained rabbits.
- Aunt Della Lindsay: Rabbits? What country do they represent?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Easter Island. - - Easter. Rabbits. Easter. - Forget it.
- Lord Basil Epping: Dear me, there's that huntress person.
- Dennis Lindsay: Say, just who is she?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, I'll be hanged if I know. You know how all those things happen.
- Reddy: So, you're the guy she's been carrying the torch for, huh?
- Lord Basil Epping: Torch? Torch? What do you think I am? An arsonist?
- Reddy: Look, you're in a spot. Now, don't you come back here again empty handed. Go on. Beat it!
- Lord Basil Epping: Huh?
- Reddy: Beat it!
- Lord Basil Epping: Beat an elephant? Oh, no. They'd never forget.
- Reddy: Now listen to me. I'm getting awfully tired of this. I'm telling you now for the last time. What I want is an elephant.
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, yes, yes. Get an elephant. Yes, yes. Lovely pets. I had a white elephant once.
- Reddy: I'm not interested in your white elephant! I want a black and white one.
- Lord Basil Epping: Black and white elephant? I should say that's a bit silly, don't you think? Aren't you confused with a zebra?
- Diana De Corro: He's talking about the elephant you put in your trunk, Lord Epping!
- Lord Basil Epping: Trunk? Elephant trunk? Oh! Rather good. I like that. That was spot on, that.
- Carmelita Lindsay: You know that blonde, who I catch with Dennis.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Well, she's out there with her boyfriend.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, she's got a boyfriend.
- Carmelita Lindsay: And how! And I heard him tell Lord Epping that if he didn't give him a little present, he was going to be something or else.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Why, that sounds like blackmail.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Male or female, it's still black.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Remember that time you put a goat face like Lord Epping and you look more like him than he does himself?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes. Yes, that was your idea. But, I'll never do that again.
- Lord Basil Epping: Tell me, have you ever seen a black and white elephant?
- Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: No, I never seen a black and white elephant. But, I bet you've seen many a pink one with green spots.
- Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: So, when the guy yells, "stick 'em up", I let him have it with a beer bottle.
- Lord Basil Epping: Beer bottle?
- Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: Right on the coconut.
- Lord Basil Epping: Beer and coconuts? Dear me, that's a frightful mixture.
- Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: After that, it was duck soup.
- Lord Basil Epping: I thought you said it was beer and coconuts?
- Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: I mean after I knock the guy out, the rest was easy! The cops came in and put the handcuffs on him.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes. Handcuffs? Oh dear me, that reminds me, my wife is waiting for me.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, why you little jigger bug, you.
- Lord Basil Epping: What's this all for? What's this?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Why, lovey-dovey, you know, you know.
- Lord Basil Epping: I know?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Sure! Sure.
- [to Reddy]
- Carmelita Lindsay: You don't mind if we mush a little, do you?
- Reddy: I don't care what you do!
- Carmelita Lindsay: Well, I'm glad because we both crazy about each other, ain't we?
- Luigi: My friend, in one more second, you are going to be bounce.
- Lord Basil Epping: I beg your pardon.
- Luigi: I am going to bounce you!
- Lord Basil Epping: Bounce?
- Luigi: Were you ever bounce before?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes. Yes, my mother used to bounce me on her knee when I was a baby.
- [singing]
- Lord Basil Epping: Riding a horse...