White Cargo

Why wasn't this mentioned in the "Bad Movies We Love" book? Hedy looks great and acts badly, and generally seems to be having the time of her life as a Native Girl interested only in cheap sex and even cheaper jewelry. She seems ecstatic whenever she has a whip in her hand, and delivers her lines with gorgeous pouts and stimulating winks. But beware! She doesn't appear for the first thirty minutes, which we spend listening to White Males bark at each other about how miserable they are. A little bit too much like being at work!

Almost every film buff would watch this and immediately write WHITE CARGO (1942) off the map due to the 'anti camp' syndrome. Although this movie is definitely campy, it is still a work of art. Take it to the camping ground and watch it at night by the fire. There is a certain magic to this movie that is sure to make the atmosphere of s'mores and grilled hot dogs all the more enjoyable.

HEDY LAMARR's caked-on brown makeup reminded me of Jennifer Jones' 'Pearl Chavez' in the (at times) campy classic DUEL IN THE SUN(which is a personal favorite of mine) made four years later in 1946. LAMARR has an over the top accent that is hardly believable. However, she pulled it off! Believe me, White Cargo is worth it just to see Hedy sweat on her dark skin wearing a one-piece bikini top throughout this movie! Walter Pigeon is a flame of fire all the way to the end. Very obscure part for Walter to be playing with such intensity.

The story takes absurd and wild twists and turns and is nothing if not purely fun entertainment. It doesn't have a long runtime, only about 80 minutes or so. It's not a large commitment of time. If you are a fan of camp, don't miss this classic.

"I am Tondelayo" at one time was a phrase bandied about, though you don't hear it much, if ever, anymore. "White Cargo" is a 1942 film starring Hedy Lamarr, Walter Pidgeon, Richard Carlson, Frank Morgan, and Henry O'Neill.

The story concerns men on a rubber plantation, bored, hot, and hating it. When Mr. Langford (Richard Carlson) joins them, he's fresh and rarin' to go. As the others predict, his optimism doesn't last long.

Then along comes the scourge of the jungle, Tondelayo (Lamarr). She's Egyptian and Arab so she could pass the Hays office, which said whites and blacks couldn't cavort. Apparently Tonde has given quite a few white jungle dwellers, including the Pidgeon carrier, quite a ride. He detests her, and warns Carlson to stay away from her. But he can't. Soon she works her magic on him and his destruction begins.

Among Holllywood's spectacular beauties, Hedy Lamarr was in the top 5. She had something besides beauty (intelligence, but that doesn't come into play here) -- sex appeal. You certainly didn't have to be womanless in the jungle to find her gorgeous, especially half-dressed. Sporting dark makeup, a bad accent and bad accent, Tondelayo proves to be problematic.

I think this was intended as a serious film, and it's very well made, not like some campy movie. True, Lamarr's role is campy, and it would have been no matter who had acted in it.

You can mark this down as an entertaining film about the tropics, a favorite topic over at MGM. And maybe on Jeopardy Alec Trebek had to run through the "Hedy Lamarr" topic all by himself while the clueless contestants just stood there, but there was a time when everybody had heard of her -- and Tondelayo.

One can only wonder how many posters of Hedy Lamarr as Tondelayo were pinned up by soldiers in WWII. She is seductive and appealing and downright hot as a half African who spends the entire film in bra and sarong. Most of the time she is striking seductive poses and lounging on a couch showing off her magnificent body that matches her unequaled facial features.

This is a comedy for the most part, and it is really funny. Frank Morgan is back, not a The Pirate, but as a drunken doctor that has probably been drummed out of the medical establishment and can only get work on this African plantation.

Walter Pidgeon, who would go one to capture two Oscar nominations in the next two years (Mrs. Miniver, Madame Curie), was the leader of the plantation and the colonial law. He was hilarious as a succession of new assistants arrived in white, freshly starched clothing from the Mother Country, and all said the exact same words that drove him nuts.

Of course, he warned all of them about Tondelayo, even banning her from the camp, but it was useless as they all succumbed to her charms.

A must-see for those who appreciate what made our fathers happy in the Big One.

She is easy to look at, isn't she. All tan skin, she's got that sarong (probably stolen from Dorothy Lamour), all that gorgeous black hair, but talent is lacking. Hedy Lamarr eschews acting completely in this delightful tale of sex in the jungle. It isn't about anything else--not man versus nature, not oppression of minorities--just plain sex.

Harry, as played by the statue-like Walter Pidgeon, has been in the jungle so long he's starting to act a bit kooky. He gets infuriated when people discuss the heat, certain words send him into a King Kong-like fit. I get the feeling we're supposed to think this is because there are several men there, but no women. Is this what happens? Gracious me--I better rearrange my priorities. Anyway, one of his helpers goes off his rocker and has to be replaced. The replacement, Langford, refuses to listen to Harry, who really does know what he's talking about, only to turn into a lazy lay-about.

At this point, a new character is introduced. She's a half-breed (not like Cher, but a half-breed nevertheless) named Tondelayo. The line "I am Tondelayo" did become something of a catch phrase--I can recall seeing Lucille Ball taunting some comedian, possibly Jerry Lewis, with it. Tondelayo is a gorgeous woman, but she likes a good time. Heck, she likes lots of good times in a row. Langford is smitten, and he can't understand why Harry insists that Tondelayo be avoided. Langford assumes Harry's jealous, which only makes him more thrilled. In order to keep Tondelayo near him, Langford marries her. She goes around telling everyone she's "Mrs. Langfut"--Hedy's accent prevents her from saying "Langford," apparently. Right around here is a scene that tops Tondelayo's entrance. She's going through all the trinkets that Langford has to give her to keep her interested, when she comes across a mirror. She looks at herself in it (naturally), and then remarks solemnly, "Him make big face this side, him make little face THIS side." Oh, I just died laughing. Tondelayo's odd speech patterns are the highlight of this movie--she sounds completely idiotic.

This being a 40s film, everyone has to get what's coming to them, in various showy ways. All in all, this is a delightful film with no statement to make, no mountains to move. It's just there to enjoy.