Joan Carroll credited as playing...
Agnes Smith
- Agnes Smith: Katie? Katie, where's my cat? Where is she?
- Katie (Maid): I don't know. A little while ago, she got in my way and I kicked her down the cellar steps. I could hear her spine hitting on every step.
- Agnes Smith: Oh, if you killed her, I'll kill you! I'll stab you to death in your sleep, then I'll tie your body to two wild horses until you're pulled apart.
- Katie (Maid): Oh, won't that be terrible, now? There's your cat.
- Rose Smith: Agnes Smith, you're nothing less than a murderer. You could have killed dozens of people!
- Agnes Smith: Oh, Rose, you're so stuck up.
- Agnes Smith: I can't get hungry till it gets dark.
- Katie (Maid): Dinner's at five-thirty. You can eat blind-folded!
- Mrs. Anna Smith: We have to be out of the dining room by six-thirty. Warren Sheffield is telephoning Rose, long distance from New York. And Rose, if I were you, I wouldn't committ myself one way or another. After all...
- Rose Smith: Mama, for goodness sakes!
- Mrs. Anna Smith: After all, we know very little about him. Why, we haven't even met his folks.
- Rose Smith: It seems to me. It seems to me that one little phone call is causing an awful lot of excitement in this family!
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Besides, you're entirely too young and I don't think your father will allow it.
- Katie (Maid): Mrs. Smith, if I have to keep lying to your daughters, I'll have to had more money.
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Now remember, you two: not a word of this to your papa. You know how he plagues the girls about their beaus.
- Agnes Smith: Everybody knows but Papa?
- Grandpa: Your papa's not supposed to know. It's enough we're letting him work hard every day to support the whole flock of us. He can't have everything.
- Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?
- Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.
- Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!
- Katie (Maid): Mrs. Smith, who are these boys?
- Agnes Smith: It's me, Katie, it's Agnes!
- Katie (Maid): Saints preserve us, it is! You had me fooled!
- 'Tootie' Smith: Mama, we fooled her!
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Well, if you can fool our Katie, you can fool anyone.
- Katie (Maid): Agnes, I thought you were a drunken ghost.
- Agnes Smith: But I am. Tootie's a horrible ghost, and I'm a terrible drunken ghost.
- 'Tootie' Smith: She was murdered in a den of thieves, and I died of a broken heart. I've never even been buried because everyone's scared to come near me.
- Agnes Smith: Rose, it's six-thirty and Warren hasn't called yet.
- 'Tootie' Smith: Maybe he found another girl.
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Quiet, you two.
- Rose Smith: Mama, I assure you that I'm not the slightest bit sensitive about Warren Sheffield.
- Grandpa: The queen has spoken.
- Lon Smith Jr.: I suppose Warren's too young, too. Every fellow I introduce her to is too young.
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Now, listen. Your papa will be down in a minute, and if we all eat quickly, we may still get out of here before the call comes through.
- Esther Smith: Warren is twenty-one and I think that's a perfect age.
- Rose Smith: He's practically a child.
- Mrs. Anna Smith: Your father was twenty when we were married.
- Grandpa: We gave him the bachelor dinner the night before. He almost missed the wedding!
- Grandpa: [moaning] Ohhhhhhh.
- Katie (Maid): What was that?
- Grandpa: Here are your sacks of flour.
- [Hand them to Tootie and Agnes]
- Grandpa: You couldn't get me out on a night like this for a million dollars!
- Agnes Smith: Did anyone here a noise just now?
- Grandpa: Did it sound like this?
- [moans again]
- Grandpa: Ohhhhhh?
- Agnes Smith: Uh-huh.
- Grandpa: [Shakes his head] I didn't hear it.
- Grandpa: If you wet the flour before you throw it, it makes it harder for the victim to remove it.
- 'Tootie' Smith: Hello, Papa, I buried Maude Rockefeller today, and you missed all the fun.
- Mr. Alonzo Smith: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I've had a pretty full day. Tootie, remind me to spank you right after dinner.
- 'Tootie' Smith: Yes, Papa.
- Mr. Alonzo Smith: Lord, we thank thee for the bountiful blessing we are about to receive. Amen.
- 'Tootie' Smith: Agnes, if I forget to remind Papa, you remind me.
- Agnes Smith: All right.
- Agnes Smith: [Giggles] Roses are red, John's name is Truett, Esther's in love, We always knew it!
- Grandpa: Truett... Knew it... That's good. But I can't think of anything that rhymes with "Colonel" if it isn't "Infernal."
- 'Tootie' Smith: We'll fix him fine. It'll serve him right for poisoning cats... He buys meat and then he buys poison and then he puts them all together.
- Agnes Smith: And then he burns the cats at midnight in his furnace. You could smell the smoke...
- 'Tootie' Smith: ...and Mr. Braukoff was beating his wife with a red hot poker... and Mr. Braukoff has empty whiskey bottles in his cellar.