Marjorie Main: Katie (Maid)

Meet Me in St. Louis

Katie (Maid)

Agnes Smith: Katie? Katie, where's my cat? Where is she?
Katie (Maid): I don't know. A little while ago, she got in my way and I kicked her down the cellar steps. I could hear her spine hitting on every step.
Agnes Smith: Oh, if you killed her, I'll kill you! I'll stab you to death in your sleep, then I'll tie your body to two wild horses until you're pulled apart.
Katie (Maid): Oh, won't that be terrible, now? There's your cat.

Esther Smith: Oh, Katie, they were just little white lies.
Katie (Maid): A lie's a lie. Dressin' it in white don't help it. And just why was I lying this time? Why must we have dinner an hour early?
Esther Smith: Because Rose is expecting...
Katie (Maid): Now don't go blaming your sister.
Esther Smith: Blaming her? Why, we're doing this for her. You know Rose's problem. Warren Sheffield has been writing to her for six months without one word that even smells like a proposal.
Katie (Maid): What's that got to do with having dinner an hour early?
Esther Smith: Warren is telephoning Rose long-distance from New York at half-past six.
Katie (Maid): Long-distance?
Esther Smith: Yes, and if the whole family is sitting here drinking in every word, she may be loathe to say the things a girl's compelled to say to get a proposal out of a man. If that man, unfortunately, is Warren Sheffield.
Katie (Maid): Personally, I wouldn't marry a man who proposed to me over an invention.
Esther Smith: Well, we can't be too particular. While we love Rose, the brutal fact is that, well, she isn't getting any younger.
Katie (Maid): There's the poor old maid now!

Agnes Smith: I can't get hungry till it gets dark.
Katie (Maid): Dinner's at five-thirty. You can eat blind-folded!
Mrs. Anna Smith: We have to be out of the dining room by six-thirty. Warren Sheffield is telephoning Rose, long distance from New York. And Rose, if I were you, I wouldn't committ myself one way or another. After all...
Rose Smith: Mama, for goodness sakes!
Mrs. Anna Smith: After all, we know very little about him. Why, we haven't even met his folks.
Rose Smith: It seems to me. It seems to me that one little phone call is causing an awful lot of excitement in this family!
Mrs. Anna Smith: Besides, you're entirely too young and I don't think your father will allow it.
Katie (Maid): Mrs. Smith, if I have to keep lying to your daughters, I'll have to had more money.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Now remember, you two: not a word of this to your papa. You know how he plagues the girls about their beaus.
Agnes Smith: Everybody knows but Papa?
Grandpa: Your papa's not supposed to know. It's enough we're letting him work hard every day to support the whole flock of us. He can't have everything.

Katie (Maid): Mrs. Smith, who are these boys?
Agnes Smith: It's me, Katie, it's Agnes!
Katie (Maid): Saints preserve us, it is! You had me fooled!
'Tootie' Smith: Mama, we fooled her!
Mrs. Anna Smith: Well, if you can fool our Katie, you can fool anyone.
Katie (Maid): Agnes, I thought you were a drunken ghost.
Agnes Smith: But I am. Tootie's a horrible ghost, and I'm a terrible drunken ghost.
'Tootie' Smith: She was murdered in a den of thieves, and I died of a broken heart. I've never even been buried because everyone's scared to come near me.

Grandpa: [moaning] Ohhhhhhh.
Katie (Maid): What was that?
Grandpa: Here are your sacks of flour.
[Hand them to Tootie and Agnes]
Grandpa: You couldn't get me out on a night like this for a million dollars!
Agnes Smith: Did anyone here a noise just now?
Grandpa: Did it sound like this?
[moans again]
Grandpa: Ohhhhhh?
Agnes Smith: Uh-huh.
Grandpa: [Shakes his head] I didn't hear it.
Grandpa: If you wet the flour before you throw it, it makes it harder for the victim to remove it.

Mr. Alonzo Smith: Ah, corn beef and cabbage. Katie, I could smell that cabbage when I got off the trolley.
Katie (Maid): Cabbage has a cabbage smell.

Katie (Maid): Would it start a minor revolution in this household if dinner was served an hour early today?
Mrs. Anna Smith: Mr. Smith hates to eat early on a hot day.
Katie (Maid): Eating early on a hot day gives you more time to digest your food before retiring. Besides, I'm due at my sister's at seven o'clock on a family matter.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Is there something wrong with your sister?
Katie (Maid): She's having trouble with her husband. Him bein' a man.
Mrs. Anna Smith: Well, eating early is all right with me, but you'll have to explain it to Mr. Smith.
Katie (Maid): Oh, he won't mind, seein' as how tonight's corn beef night.