Bob Hope credited as playing...
Chester Hooton
- Duke: Experience is the best teacher.
- Chester Hooton: Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
- Duke: Naturally, and I'm a Ph.D.
- Chester Hooton: Yeah, a pin-headed dope.
- Chester Hooton: You've been leading me by the nose, chiseling me, right and left.
- Duke Johnson: Me? Chiseling you?
- Chester Hooton: You chiseling me. I got a record of every chizz.
- Chester Hooton: How 'bout Kansas City? You picked my pocket of 75 bucks so you could take Mabel Bronschweiger out ridin' in a buggy.
- Duke Johnson: Ah, Mabel Bronschweiger. Ah, lady blacksmith. She was your girl.
- Chester Hooton: My girl.
- Duke Johnson: What a right hand.
- [forms a fist, moves it up and down]
- Chester Hooton: I sat in the hotel lobby for four hours while you took her for a ride in the woods.
- Duke Johnson: Well, what do you care. As long as she was out in the fresh air.
- Duke Johnson: Smart guys us. We're a couple of pigeons.
- Chester Hooton: Yeah. A dame hits us twice with those big moose eyes and, right away, we start giving away gold mines.
- Duke Johnson: If we get that map back, I'm brushing dames off forever.
- Chester Hooton: Ah, they're poison. They run their fingers through your hair, play with your ear, roll you, clip you, then they throw you in the gutter. And you know what's worse than that?
- Duke Johnson: What?
- Chester Hooton: I love it.
- [Chester has the hiccups]
- Duke: Can't you suppress it somehow?
- Chester Hooton: Frighten me.
- Duke: I can't, I haven't got a mirror.
- Chester Hooton: I'll have a lemonade.
- [sees looks of surprise, snarls]
- Chester Hooton: In a dirty glass.
- [driving around the Klondike]
- Chester Hooton: Hey, get a load of that bread and butter!
- Duke: Bread and butter? That's a mountain!
- [it's the Paramount Pictures mountain]
- Chester Hooton: Maybe a mountain to you, but it's bread and butter to me!
- Sal Van Hoyden: Duke, tell us all about Alaska. We left you for dead. How in the world did you ever get away?
- Duke Johnson: It's rather a long story. I wouldn't want to bore you.
- Chester Hooton: It's never stopped you before!
- Chester Hooton: Don't look at me. I didn't even want to get on this boat. I was Shangri-La'd.
- Duke Johnson: Shanghaied, old man.
- Chester Hooton: Well, one of them towns in Egypt.
- Duke Johnson: She made the date with me.
- Chester Hooton: Look, fester-head, why would she make a date with two guys at the same time?
- Sal Van Hoyden: Why not?
- Chester Hooton: So you finally got yourself a date, huh?
- Duke Johnson: You said it, son.
- Chester Hooton: What'd you do? Pick up a lonely walrus?
- Duke Johnson: Oh, now you know I don't cut into your territory.
- Sal Van Hoyden: It seems to me we've met somewhere before.
- Chester Hooton: I don't think so.
- Sal Van Hoyden: Perhaps in your dreams.
- Chester Hooton: You wouldn't be seen in those kind of places.
- Chester Hooton: My colleague.
- Duke Johnson: My crony.
- Chester Hooton: My cohort.
- Duke Johnson: My friend!
- Chester Hooton: Companion.
- Duke Johnson: Confederate.
- Chester Hooton: Chums to the end.
- Duke Johnson: LIke meat and potatoes.
- Chester Hooton: Or salt and tomatoes.
- Duke Johnson, Chester Hooton: [singing] Boy, what a blend...
- Duke Johnson: Imagine a girl lovin' a guy that much.
- Chester Hooton: Yeah. I'm not worth it. I'm a regular Casablanca.
- Duke Johnson: Casanova!