Rex Harrison credited as playing...
Charles Condomine
- Charles Condomine: It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
- Charles Condomine: If you wish to make an inventory of my sex life, dear, I think its only fair to tell you that you've missed out several episodes. I'll consult my diary and give you a complete list after lunch.
- Charles Condomine: I haven't forgotten Elvira. I remember her very distinctly, in deed. I remember how fascinating she was and how maddening. I remember how her gay charm when she'd achieved her own way over something and her extreme acidity when she didn't. I remember her physical attractiveness, which was tremendous, and her spiritual integrity which was nil.
- Ruth Condomine: Was she more physically attractive than I am?
- Charles Condomine: That's a very tiresome question, darling. It fully deserves a wrong answer.
- Ruth Condomine: You called us back and you've done nothing but try to get rid of us ever since we came. Hasn't he, Elvira?
- Elvira Condomine: He certainly has.
- Ruth Condomine: Now, owing to your idiotic inefficiency, we find ourselves in this mortifying position. We're neither fish, flesh fowl, nor - whatever it is.
- Charles Condomine, Elvira Condomine: Good red herring.
- Charles Condomine: Try to see my point of view, dear. I've been married to Ruth for five years and you've been dead for seven.
- Elvira Condomine: Not dead, Charles. Passed over. Its considered very vulgar to say dead where I come from.
- Elvira Condomine: Get me to bed, Charles. Then we can talk in peace.
- Charles Condomine: A thoroughly immoral suggestion. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
- Charles Condomine: A woman in Cynthia Chavitz's position. would hardly wear false pearls.
- Elvira Condomine: Well, they were practically all she was wearing.
- Charles Condomine: As I'm pained to observe that seven years in the echoing vaults of eternity have in no way pared your native vulgarity.
- Elvira Condomine: That was the remark of a pompous ass.
- Charles Condomine: Drunk?
- Ruth Condomine: You had two strong dry martinis before dinner. A great deal too much burgundy at dinner. Heaven knows how much port and kimmel with Dr. Bradman while I was doing my best to entertain that mad woman. And two large brandies later. I gave them to you myself. Of course you were drunk.
- Ruth Condomine: Alcohol will ruin your whole life if you allow it to get ahold on you, you know.
- Charles Condomine: Once and for all, Ruth, I'd like you to understand that what happened last night was nothing whatever to do with alcohol! I grant you it may have been some form of psychic delusion, but I was stone cold sober from first to last.
- Charles Condomine: This whole business is very difficult for Ruth. We must be fair.
- Elvira Condomine: Well, she should learn to be more adaptable.
- Charles Condomine: She probably will in time.
- Elvira Condomine: I doubt it, Charles. She's got a hard mouth. Its her mouth that gives her away.
- Charles Condomine: Her mouth's got nothing to do with it. I resent you discussing Ruth as though she were a horse.
- Charles Condomine: What do you suppose induced Agnes to leave us?
- Ruth Condomine: The reason was becoming increasingly obvious, dear.
- Charles Condomine: Yes. We must keep Edith in the house more.
- Madame Arcati: I presume that's the gramophone?
- Charles Condomine: Would you like me to start if for you? It's an electric one.
- Madame Arcati: No, please stay where you are. I can manage.
- Ruth Condomine: I gather you got some sort of plan behind all this? I'm not quite a fool.
- Charles Condomine: Ruth, Elvira is here! She's standing a few yards away from you!
- Ruth Condomine: Yes, dear, I can see her distinctly - under the piano with a zebra!
- Charles Condomine: But, Ruth...
- Ruth Condomine: I'm not going to stay here arguing any longer.
- Charles Condomine: But, listen, Ruth, please...
- Ruth Condomine: I will not listen to any more of this nonsense. I'm going upstairs to bed now. I shall leave you to turn off the lights. I won't be asleep. I'm much too upset. So, you can come in and say good night to me. If you feel like it.