Ray Collins: Houlihan

The Senator Was Indiscreet

Houlihan

Houlihan: He's an idiot... He's got as much chance of being nominated for the presidency as Abbott and Costello.

Houlihan: [On telephone] Hello, Clyde. Things look bad here. We better not take any chances. Call Mort, Tommy, Benson, Harold and Bill. Tell 'em to give those swimming pools back before morning.

Houlihan: The party needs ya, Mel. We can win with ya now, with that book back.
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Hmmm, You know I was just wondering. Do they give you that $75,000 right away or do you have to wait until the end of the year?

Houlihan: [to Ashton] No member of the party has the right to deny he is not a candidate unless he is a candidate.

Houlihan: Any member of the party in good standing has a perfect right to have his picture taken eating a hotdog, wearing a fez, or even fishing. But big stuff like Indian ceremonies, or riding in the cab of the 20th Century Limited, or shaking hands with a recognized labor leader is strictly prohibited stuff.

Houlihan: And another thing. What's the big idea of telling those reporters you're not a candidate for the nomination?
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Because I'm not.
Houlihan: Then stop denying it. No member of the party has a right to deny that he's a candidate unless he is a candidate.

Houlihan: What else is the party but a mother to her son? We've fed and clothed you and saved you from work for the past 35 years.

Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Well, I've got a bigger family than all the rest of those jokers put together. Three fine sons and four beautiful daughters.
Houlihan: You mean you have seven secretaries?
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Well, why not? Senator Arb... has 36.

Houlihan: [Frantically searching the apartment for the diary] Where is it you wooden-headed lunk? Where is it? What'd you do with it? Where'd you hide it? Oh, you windbag. You goof. You... you lunatic. You big creepy lunatic. How could you do it, Mel? Putting things in writing. Why, if that stuff ever got out they could feed us to Little Abner
[sic]
Houlihan: .

Houlihan: You know, I believe I've underestimated Mel. Why, with a platform like that he could sweep any country.

Houlihan: If he really lost that book, I'll break every bone in that cornball's body. I'll tear off his legs one at a time and beat his brains out with 'em.

Houlihan: Mel, if that diary's ever published, you'll be lucky if they don't drop you from the top of the Washington Monument.

Houlihan: What capital? You mean to say you've been in politics for 30 years and haven't any capital?
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Well, how could I have, Fred? How did I know that that income tax bill meant me too?

Senator Melvin G. Ashton: You know, there's only one thing I can think of - aside from being a senator, of course, that I feel pretty well qualified to do.
Houlihan: What's that?
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Be president.

Houlihan: What about basketball.
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Oh, know basketball very well. Played that in high school - fullback.
Houlihan: Football?
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Football? Oh, uh... 28, 82, 26, 78, hike. Heh, heh, I remember. You really think you could arrange that?
Houlihan: I believe so. I think the duties would be relatively simple.
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: Oh, never mind the duties what does it pay?
Houlihan: About a hundred and fifty thousand, I should imagine.
Senator Melvin G. Ashton: A hundred and fif... Say, that's more than the president.
Frank: It's a bigger job. Youth of the nation. Hope of the future. You know.