La battaglia dell'ultimo panzer

War film logic dictates that both Americans, Germans and the occupied French will all understand each other while speaking fluent Americanese. With this kind of co-operation, why was there ever a war in the first place? Possibly to inspire no-budget tank operas like Battle Of The Last Panzer. It's the tale of a doomed Panzer squad led by the clearly-insane Lieutenant Hunter (played by Italian actor Stan Cooper, real name Stelvio Rosi). His men know the war is over and are on the brink of mutiny, but Hunter, who spends most of the film with his shirt off and practicing his strange full-facial style of overacting, is determined to see his mission through to the last man standing. They bulldoze their way into a tiny French village and capture the sycophantic mayor and his less-than-impressed wife Jeanette, who despises weakness and sees something sexy in Hunter's bullish macho destructive determination.

Played by German actress Erna Schürer who spent most of the Seventies in more sleazy Italian fare such as Strip Nude For Your Killer and Deported Women of the SS Special Section, Jeanette willingly volunteers to become their tour guide, supposedly to save her husband, but after a while trapped in a tank full of sweating, leering Germans her motives are quite clear, showing off her flesh and playing the affections of one soldier against the other. At one point, Hunter peers up her skirt and says "Pull up into the underbrush and park!" Jawohl, mein herr.

Unlike spaghetti westerns, the Italian war cycle was far shorter, much less prolific, and produced no stand-alone genre classics, least of all this one. But Battle Of The Last Panzer from 1969 has the look and feel and musical score of a spaghetti western from the same era - transpose Confederates versus Yankees on top of the WW2 players, substitute a war wagon for the Panzer tank, and gatlings for submachine guns, and you have a Sergio Leone movie. A rough as guts Leone at a third of the running time, one-fiftieth of the cost and with a script rewritten buy a team of monkeys on typewriters, but a Leone film nonetheless. And with a cool red-tinted spaghetti western style shootout at the end, it's worth sitting through this interesting yet deeply flawed Italian-Spanish poverty-row production. So gather the troops and fire up the Tiger for another excursion into enemy territory courtesy of the losing side: the Italian war epic Battle Of The Last Panzer.

World War II movies are my forte and I am well-versed in military history as well as time-period accoutrements. I have seen some bad Second World War flicks in my time, but this "thing" of a picture, this blasphemous abomination, sure cuts the cake! Besides lacking talent, creativity and a determination for a little historical research, the guy who directed this film had to have sympathies with Nazi ideals. First, it was shocking to see the French Resistance portrayed as a roguish band of buffoons headed by an equally idiotic and boisterous leader; a smack in the face to the brave, witty Maquis who courageously resisted the German occupation of their homeland. Secondly,the film is saturated with bad acting, senseless dialog, contemporary uniforms,weaponry and vehicles (check out the "U.S. troops" wearing Spanish Army camouflage uniforms, helmets - which are a direct copy of the old German M1944, poorly concealed by helmet covers and brandishing CETMEs -Spanish copies of the G3 7.62mm automatic rifles). The "Tiger" is clearly a Spanish Army-issue M-48! Need I go on? Rent, but do not buy, this movie. The insatiable stupidity will make you laugh and cry..and laugh again; yes, it's that bad!!!

Contender for the worst film ever made!

I saw this movie for the first time at the recommendation of a friend. He warned me it would be painful to watch, but I had no idea how painful it would turn out to be.

This film (the English version I saw is entitled "Battle of the Last Panzer") is intended as a WWII epic depicting the struggle of a German tank crew, caught behind enemy lines, trying to get themselves and their vehicle back to German-held territory.

Other than that, I will make no attempt to describe the insanely fragmented and incoherent plot - you simply have to see it for yourselves!

Everything about this movie is just plain bad -- the plot, the dialog, the setting, the special effects, the equipment and uniforms, and the acting.

The star of the show is the Lieutenant in command of the crew (capital letters indicate emphasis):

"Any attempt at disobedience, or talk of desertion ... will be punished by DEATH!"

"As the Fuehrer said ... Those who are not with us ... are AGAINST us!"

"You have one minute, no more, to throw down your arms and get out of sight! After that minute, I'll advance -- RAPID FIRE!"

The film is supposed to be set in France, after the D-Day invasion. But in place of the lush green fields of Normandy, the landscape is arid and looks like Sicily or the south of Spain.

The uniforms are the best! "Americans" wearing Italian uniforms, complete with Italian rank and helmets. The weapons they are carrying are modern G3 assault rifles. The "Germans" are no better - they are carrying Italian-made Baretta submachineguns and pistols! Last but not least, their "Tiger" tank is an old US M-48 tank.

Writing these comments is proving to be almost as painful as watching the film. However, it's a must see. If you want a real shock, watch it right after "Saving Private Ryan" or "Band of Brothers" and you'll find out just how bad bad can be!

"La Battaglia dell'ultimo panzer" is about a German panzer crew caught behind the American lines in France in 1944. The production values of the movie are very low; the anachronisms and errors concerning equipment and uniforms are actually quite obvious. Nevertheless, the plot is quite intelligent. This is a surprisingly serious war movie and much more reflective than most WW II war movies of the period (such as 'Where Eagles Dare' or 'Kelly's Heroes', or the countless Italian rip-offs of these more 'lighthearted' war thrillers.)

This is mainly because the characters, and in particular the German soldiers, are more than just the kind of cardboard cliches one expects from this type of low-budget movie. Especially the main character, a German lieutenant and commander of the crew, played by Stelvio Rosi, is a surprisingly three dimensional character. While he presents himself as a hardline nazi believer at first, we later see that the horrors of war affect him deeply in an unexpected moment and the final scenes of the movie have a very bitter lesson in store for him. Civilians and their different ways of dealing with the occupation also have a place, giving some surprising nuances which most war movies (including the technically infinitely superior, but plot-wise arguably inferior 'Saving Private Ryan') lack.

The acting is middle-of the road. None of the (quite unknown) actors are really bad, but none really stands out. 8/10 for some of the writing, 2/10 for the production values

I almost turned this movie off during the first 10 minutes. I decided to continue watching it to see if there really was a plot buried amidst all of the other shortcomings of the film. There are several things that you should know that are bound to annoy the typical war movie viewer. 1. Stupid music. Some of the worst I have ever heard. It reminds me of the old spaghetti westerns. 2. It's a dubbed movie. I'm not a fan of movies that are dubbed, i'd rather watch them in the language they were shot in and read captions. In this case, it's worse because the Americans and the Germans are both dubbed and have no accents what-so-ever. In some really dark scenes, you don't know if you are watching the Germans or the Americans. 3. Authenticity. There are so many inconsistencies with weaponry, uniforms etc that it's hard to tell who is who and who they are shooting at. Even the Germans shoot at the other Germans who are hiding behind a tank early in the movie yet, Later, in pitch black one of the men can identify the Lieutenant from 1/4 of a mile away as he walks down a hillside. 4. Dialogue. War movies are about war. Guns, explosions and people fighting. There are some really odd cut scenes. There is one with a prostitute where a soldier trying to teach her about humanities indecency - she's not interested, she just wants the $64 dollars. Most of the dialog reminds me of watching Japanese Anime.

If you watched it this far, you might as well know that it doesn't get any better. All of the actors have perfected rolling down hills as they die. Apparently gravity always pulls you towards a camera man, never away.

All in all, a complete waste of time. Unless you are just looking for a movie with cheesy dialog, there's ALWAYS something better than this to watch.