Kirsten Dunst credited as playing...
Betsy Jobs
- Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.
- Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop." He "does his business."
- Arlene Lorenzo: I hate Dick! It was stupid of me to fall in love with Dick. What was I thinking? Dick just disgusts me now.
- Betsy Jobs: You know, Arlene, Dick meant a lot to me too. But I've been thinking - you can't let Dick run your life!
- Bob Woodward: [meeting Betsy and Arlene] You're Deep Throat?
- Arlene Lorenzo: Yeah.
- Betsy Jobs: We both are.
- Bob Woodward: How old are you?
- Betsy Jobs: Twenty-three.
- Bob Woodward: Is that your combined ages?
- Betsy Jobs: [scoffs] There's no need to be snotty!
- Betsy Jobs: Are you the President's dog trainer?
- John Dean: I'm John Dean, Chief White House Counsel.
- Betsy Jobs: Oh. That's too bad.
- Betsy Jobs: We heard that tape!
- Dick: What'd you hear?
- Betsy Jobs: You kick Checkers! And you're prejudiced and you have a potty-mouth!
- Betsy Jobs: Isn't it against the law to cut up the flag?
- Arlene Lorenzo: Not if you sew it back together.
- Arlene Lorenzo: How dare those people treat us like we're stupid teenage girls.
- Betsy Jobs: We are stupid teenage girls.
- Arlene Lorenzo: No. We're human beings, and we're American citizens. And four score and seven years ago our forefathers... did something.
- Arlene Lorenzo: I don't understand the title of that porno movie.
- Betsy Jobs: [whispers] "Deep Throat" means...
- Bob Woodward: A lot of people want to know who our source is on this.
- Betsy Jobs: Really? We're going to be famous!
- Bob Woodward: But we've decided never to reveal your identity.
- Arlene Lorenzo: For our own protection?
- Bob Woodward: No. It's just too embarrassing.
- Betsy Jobs: I'm just trying to imagine here, what exactly is your connection with the White House?
- Arlene Lorenzo: We were the Secret Youth Advisers.
- Betsy Jobs: And we walked the dog. And Arlene was in love with Dick.
- Arlene Lorenzo: So you really think that my dad could be alive?
- Betsy Jobs: Alive and famous! It makes perfect sense, he was probably married or something and your mom had to keep it a secret to protect his reputation. I mean, he's probably out there right now, his heart breaking because he can't reach out to the one person who truly maters to him. His darling daughter.
- Arlene Lorenzo: My life is so tragic!
- Betsy Jobs: Or it could be worse! What if... years from now you get married and find out that your finacee's dad is your dad, too, and you two are brother and sister!
- Arlene Lorenzo: Oh my GOD!
- Betsy Jobs: Mhm. It's called incest, Arlene. And it's against the law.
- Betsy Jobs: Hey, that guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.
- Arlene Lorenzo: Hey, mister! Hey! Hey, you, hey turn around, mister!
- G. Gordon Liddy: Young lady, I am a *very* busy man.
- Arlene Lorenzo: Wait a minute, I know you.
- Betsy Jobs: Me too. But from where?
- Arlene Lorenzo: I don't know.
- Betsy Jobs: [thinks for a second, then gasps] Are you the guy who sells corndogs at the mall?
- G. Gordon Liddy: As far as you're concerned, I have no identity at all. As a matter of fact - l'm not even here.
- [turns around and leaves]
- Arlene Lorenzo: He's way weirder than the corn-dog guy.
- Betsy Jobs: [while looking at a portrait of George Washington] It looks like he's wearing blush.
- [the girls giggle]
- Arlene Lorenzo: Let's ask the President to stop the war.
- Betsy Jobs: Okay! But how are we going to get into the White House?
- Arlene Lorenzo: Unless you wanna keep the war going, so Larry will leave and you can have his room.
- Betsy Jobs: No. Larry's a freak and all, but, I'd be sad if he, you know... .
- Arlene Lorenzo: Died?
- Betsy Jobs: Yeah.
- Betsy Jobs: We should leave a message for Dick.
- Arlene Lorenzo: Like what?
- Betsy Jobs: Arlene, I think it's time you told him how you feel.
- Arlene Lorenzo: I can't.
- Betsy Jobs: Well, maybe he loves you too, but he doesn't think you're interested.
- Arlene Lorenzo: We think you haven't been completely honest with us.
- Dick: Let me tell you, if it's about that goddamn Watergate! I tell you, I had NOTHING to do with it, you hear? It's those goddamn Woodward and Burnstein! They're out to get me!
- Arlene Lorenzo: [Stunned silence] Actually it was just about the dog.
- Betsy Jobs: You act like you like him. But we don't think you do.
- Dick: What dog?
- Betsy Jobs: What are you doing?
- Chip: Beer Bong?
- Betsy Jobs: I'm definitely tripping already... heavily.