Billy Connolly credited as playing...
Hughie
- Hughie: [Holding a joint] Would you like a hit?
- Karen Knowles: I haven't done that in years
- [the Band screws up]
- Hughie: Now would be a very good time to start.
- Hughie: [last lines, voice over] I was wrong about God. Turns out he likes that 70's stuff after all. So it didn't piss down, and they played 4 encores! And with the Almighty in their corner, who knows what might happen? And how will the Fruits conspire to bollocks things up this time around? We wait with bated breath.
- Hughie: [v.o] If it's true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then drummers are from Pluto.
- Beano: [Playing a game to name bands with parts of the body as part of their name] Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show!
- Clare: Objection, your honor!
- Hughie: Objection sustained.
- Beano: Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands.
- Les: Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical.
- Beano: It is if you haven't got a fuckin' hand!
- Hughie: History teaches us that men behave wisely once they've exhausted all other alternatives. For most rock bands, the pursuit of wisdom's a low priority compared to fame, fortune and fornication. Such a band was Strange Fruit.
- Hughie: Hope this isn't another Sunderland!
- [speaking of Ray's mood swings]
- Luke Shand: What happened at Sunderland?
- Beano: He tried to slash his wrists with my Swiss Army knife.
- Les: Yeah, he'd never find the blade.
- Young Beano: You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "
- Hughie: "Pull your foreskin over your heed."
- Hughie: [voiceover] Karen still had ink on her fingers from school when she went to work for the Fruits. Started by sorting their laundry; by Wisbech she was sorting their lives.
- Hughie: Feast your eyes on this magnificent land yacht: tinted windows, air conditioned, twin porto-loos - not to mention an extensive library of pornography courtesy of the Psychedelic Furs world tour of 19 and 88. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!
- Tony Costello: Hey, Hughie, pongs in here a bit. Think one of the Furs is still in here.
- Hughie: That's pedigree, Tony
- [inhaling deeply]
- Hughie: . Smell that Dettol, fag ends, vomit!