Michael Madsen credited as playing...
- Chapel: You know that show, "Touched by an Angel"? Well, this ain't it.
- Chapel: What do I want? I want to go back in time and stop John from meeting Yoko.
- Chapel: If you try that again, I'll break every bone in your body, one per second. That's 206 seconds, maybe seven, give or take a bone.
- [Hauling out a bad guy rolled up in a carpet]
- Bradford: Is there a guy in there?
- Chapel: Yeah. He sold me a bad rug. I was pretty mad about it.
- KC: You hate me, don't you?
- Chapel: No, but my love can take strange forms.
- KC: Where did you get a million dollars?
- Chapel: Paper route.
- [after hitting a guy with a Bible]
- Chapel: Those Gideons make a very effective product, don't they? And they're free - what's up with that? What do they do, sneak into hotel rooms at night? Have you ever met a Gideon? I guess not.
- [after Chapel has successfully executed another elaborate scheme]
- KC: Quick question.
- Chapel: Yeah?
- KC: Are you Satan?
- Chapel: No.
- KC: Just checking.
- [Looking through Chapel's fake ID's]
- KC: IRS, phone company, sewer inspector... that's just to get the chicks, right?
- Chapel: Works every time.
- Schiller: Are you out of your freakin' mind?
- Chapel: Anything's possible.
