Shepherd

If "B" movies, tired and corny scripts, and golf carts dressed up as some sort of futuristic mode of transport are your sort of entertainment, you'll probably enjoy this. Otherwise, forget it. The topless newsreader, though completely irrelevant, did give a few seconds of amusement.

A film that has C Thomas Howell (Dead Fire) as a star should raise alarm, and let's face it, to a certain extent you should know what to expect. The thing with Sheperd is that the whole set up is great: A post-apocalyptic underground world where religious factions fight for the mind and souls of the populace? That sounds great, doesn't it?

In the hands of, say, Enzo Castellari or Joe D'Amato, this would have been a great film, and although the film is full of nice quirks and strange characters, the film just seems to meander along and regularly falls into cliché. On the quirky side, you've got Roddy Piper as a messiah type leader (and truth be told, he's good in this), David Carradine as a John Wayne impersonating, crazy ventriloquist (also good), and various scantily clad women, but the action is terribly filmed and the story is just what you would expect.

C Thomas Howell (Nursie) just doesn't cut it for me as an action hero. His beard reminded me a Gary Bushell, of all people. I suppose with more to do he would have been more acceptable, but he just runs from one scene to the other with a chick and her kid in tow.

You see (Thomas Howell), our hero is a Shepherd, who kills other religious leaders on behalf of Piper, but balks at a hit and has some guys sent after him, one of which was his old cop buddy with a secret. His hit turns out to be another Shepherd with a kid, whom our hero takes a fancy to as his wife and kid were murdered by someone or other. Did I mention that Howell does all this so he can watch his past through sunglasses?

If you want to see Carradine acting really strange, or Piper carrying a cross, then this film has that, but if you want a film where you can guess the ending (except for the head scratching motives of the ex-cop buddy), then well I guess this film has that too. It's remarkably unremarkable.

A giant piece of crap, but an amusing one. If it had kept up the energy it has at its outset, and if it, you know, made any kind of actual sense by the end, it might actually have been a decent B movie. As it stands, it's definitely of the so-bad-it's-good variety. C. Thomas Howell stars as a "shepherd" (which was the film's original title before it was rebranded with a more sci-fi title), which is some sort of religion-based assassin. You see, it's the future. Great wars were waged on land which have driven the survivors underground. Now a handful of crazy religions are fighting it out down there. Roddy Piper plays the major villain, a Christian preacher who is sick of losing ground to a cult of women under the watch of Sophia (Marina Anderson). Howell is tasked with assassinating a member of her cult (Heidi von Palleske), but she and her son remind him of his dead family so he saves her and tries to keep her from other assassins instead. Oh, and David Carradine is along for the ride as a ventriloquist. It's all very nonsensical, but the silly (but even sometimes clever) production design is fun and everyone overacts to a hilarious degree - except for von Palleske who comes off like a robotic Jessica Chastain.

I say "flick" because this doesn't deserve the appellation "movie", and certainly not "film". I regret paying for the rental, and although I've never walked out on a movie before, this would have been it, had I seen it in a theatre. A society living underground in the future (oooh, THAT'S original), lots of burning barrel drums, unexplained ambient light shining through windows, an ungrateful woman and her shock-muted son...the list goes on and on. C. Thomas Howell affects the husky voice of the stereotypical loner; you know like Eastwood's been done to death. He needs special sunglasses to remember his wife and child, yet in the flashbacks, he's the same age! Talk about a poor memory! I stared incredulously when the little boy Abe randomly pushes a code into a door and it opens! No tension, pithy religious (what religion?) under/overtones...saddest of all: I expected better from Roddy Piper;

Quite possibly the worst movie experience in my life.

Planet Earth has suffered a terrible environmental disaster so humanity now survives underground split in to different religious cults . What caused the catastrophe ? I have no idea ? why is humanity split in to different ecclesiastical factions ? I have no idea . Since the surface of the Earth can no longer support human life how are the humans able to grow crops in order to feed the population ? I have no idea . What sort of producer thought this screenplay deserved to receive funding ? I have no idea

SHEPHERD is one of these films that creeps up late at night on cable channels . The sort of film where you consult the IMBb to see if it has any merits . The number of people who've commentated on SHEPHERD on this page hasn't yet reached double figures and this is a film that was released nine years ago . Perhaps the people who have never seen it are the lucky ones ?

As for the rest of the plot it's very routine . Grumpy former cop Boris Dakota whose wife and child died several years previously meets a woman and her child and it's up to him to save their lives , almost like a futuristic western . Throw in a former wrestler who now runs the God channel , a fascist Christian bloke who's trying to snuff out Boris , a ventriloquist , some T&A for the sake of it and you've got a mess of a film . I guess after seeing this Neil Marshall's DOOMSDAY is possibly a masterwork of cinema in comparison