Tina Majorino: Alice

Alice in Wonderland

Alice

Cheshire Cat: How do you like the game?
Alice: They don't play very fair.
Cheshire Cat: But nobody does if they think they can get away with it. That's a lesson you'll have to learn.

Mad Hatter: I didn't know that. Personal remarks are rude?
Alice: Mm-hmm.
Mad Hatter: Egad, you learn something new every day. Make a note of that, Marchy. It might come in useful.

Alice: What are they doing? They can't have anything to write. The trial hasn't even begun yet.
Duchess: They're writing down their own names in case they forget them by the time the trial is over.
Alice: Stupid things.
Jury Member 1: Stupid. How do you spell "stupid"?
Jury Member 2: S-T-- what comes after T?
Jury Member 3: Dinner.
Jury Member 4: Is it dinnertime? It's dinnertime.

Queen of Hearts: Do you play croquet?
Alice: Who, me?
Queen of Hearts: Yes, you. I'm not in the habit of talking to myself, though it's the only way I can get an intelligent conversation round here. Can you play croquet?
Alice: Yes.
Queen of Hearts: Come on then.

Alice: But I don't want to meet mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, but you can't help it. Everyone here is mad. I'm mad. You're mad. It's only by chance and careful planning if you're not.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
Cheshire Cat: [disappearing] Because you're here. And everyone here is mad.

Cheshire Cat: I went to a hunt ball once. I didn't like it-- Terrible people. They all started hunting me.
Alice: Hmm. Life must be hard for you.
Cheshire Cat: But I grin and bear it.

The March Hare: [in an encouraging tone] Have some wine.
Alice: [looking down the table] I don't see any wine.
The March Hare: There isn't any. And you're too young.
Alice: Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it.
The March Hare: It wasn't very nice of you to sit down without an invitation. This is a private soirée.
Alice: Well, I suppose I shouldn't have just barged in. I know I wasn't invited. But the table was laid out for a lot of people.
Mad Hatter: My response to that is both profound and meaningful. Get your hair cut.

[Alice bangs on the door to the Duchess's palace]
Fishface Footman: It's no good you knocking like that.
Alice: Why not?
Fishface Footman: Two good reasons: One, because I'm on the same side of the door as you.
Alice: Oh, yes.
Fishface Footman: Two, they're making so much noise inside, no one can hear you.

Alice: [thinking about the riddle] Um, Why is a raven like a writing desk? You know, I'm pretty sure I can guess.
The March Hare: You mean you think you know the answer?
Alice: Yes.
The March Hare: Then you should say what you mean.
Alice: Well, I do. At-at least-- at least I mean what I say. That-that is the same thing.
Mad Hatter: It's not the same thing at all. You might as well say "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see."
[a pie sprouts crab legs and crawls across the table]
The March Hare: [eyeing the pie, picking up a fly swatter] You might as well say "I like what I get" as "I get what I like."
[whacks the pie]
The Dormouse: [talking in his sleep, then suddenly awake] Or you might as well say "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe."
[nods off]
Mad Hatter: Well, it is the same thing with you.
[chuckles]

The Gryphon: Hello. Who are you?
Alice: Alice.
The Gryphon: Alice? That sounds familiar.
Alice: And who are you?
The Gryphon: A Griffin-- part eagle, part lion - the best of each, I always say.
Alice: I thought you were a mythical creature.
The Gryphon: I am. That makes me even more fascinating.

Mad Hatter: [looking at his watch] What day of the month is it?
Alice: The fourth.
Mad Hatter: Aha! Two days wrong.
[glares at the March Hare]
Mad Hatter: I told you not to use butter.
The March Hare: It was the best butter.
The Dormouse: Danish.
Mad Hatter: Some crumbs must have got into it as well. I said, "don't put butter in the works with a bread knife."
The March Hare: I couldn't put it in with a fork, could I? Here, let me see.
Mad Hatter: I don't want to give it to you, but I will.
[the Hare takes the watch and examines it; first by banging it on the table, and then by dipping it into his teacup]
The March Hare: I don't understand it. It was the best butter.
The Dormouse: Danish.
The March Hare: [He tosses the watch over to Alice, who picks it up and studies it] Here.
Alice: That's a funny watch. It tells the day of the month but not the time.
Mad Hatter: Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?
Alice: No, because it stays a year for so long.
Mad Hatter: Well, then I rest my case.
The March Hare: Where?
Mad Hatter: [points to a pile of suitcases] There.
[breaks into laughter]
The March Hare: I know when I'm beaten.

Alice: If you drink too much from a bottle marked "poison," it's almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later. This bottle is not marked "poison."

Mock Turtle: When Gryph and I were little we went to school in the same sea. And the master was an old turtle. We used to call him "tortoise."
Alice: Why would you call him tortoise if he wasn't one?
Mock Turtle: We called him "tortoise" because he "taught us."
The Gryphon: You ought to be ashamed of yourself, asking a simple question like that.

White Knight: I see you're admiring my box. It's my own invention to keep sandwiches in. You see, I carry it upside-down so they don't get wet when it rains.
Alice: But they can drop out. The lid is open.
White Knight: So that''s what happened to my sandwiches.