Leah Remini credited as playing...
Carrie Heffernan
- [Doug and Carrie are arguing about their parents]
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Don't you bring my father into this!
- Doug Heffernan: He's out of his mind! He cancelled our cable, because the cable company wouldn't pay him each time they ran the movie "Arthur"!
- Arthur Spooner: You gotta hand it to those Japanese, though, clever people. Still a mystery to me how we ever got them to surrender in the Second World War.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, we did annihilate two of their cities.
- Arthur Spooner: True enough. Mystery solved.
- Arthur Spooner: Darling, I need to borrow the iron.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Dad, I told you. If you want a grilled cheese sandwich, I will make you one.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Dad, why have you been hanging around that school playground?
- Arthur Spooner: Business.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Not selling those dumb ribbons, I hope.
- Arthur Spooner: Let's just say kids will be running home to their mommies to tell them about their encounter with the Ribbon Man.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Is this how you take a bath?
- Spence Olchin: Yes.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: You look like Ernie from Sesame Street.
- Spence Olchin: What did I do to you?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Hasn't anyone said you look like someone?
- Doug Heffernan: Oh, you mean like every famous fat guy in every movie ever?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Dad, Doug and I were just thinking...
- Arthur Spooner: [to Doug] Well, I hope you didn't strain yourself. I kid out of love.
- [Arthur is moving up to sleep in the room next to Carrie and Doug's bedroom]
- Arthur Spooner: Well, hello there, neighbour!
- Doug Heffernan: Hello. Why did he call me neighbour?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: I'm moving him up here tonight, the basement was freezing.
- Doug Heffernan: How freezing?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: What movie do you want to see?
- Kelly Palmer: Something brainless. What's that thriller where the Earth starts to lose its gravitational pull?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Oh, yeah... "Floaters".