Kurtwood Smith credited as playing...
Reginald 'Red' Forman
- Red Forman: When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass.
- Red Forman: What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?
- Eric: That it's offensive to the Devil?
- Red Forman: [to Eric] So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges.
- Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
- Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get outta here.
- Eric: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
- Red Forman: Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you? is because you're a dumbass.
- Red Forman: [Red and Eric are in the car almost late for work at Pricemart]
- [to Eric]
- Red Forman: You need to grow up and learn some responsibility.
- Eric: I love you too, Dad.
- Red Forman: What? Stop being weird.
- Eric: Thanks.
- Eric: [badly hungover] My head hurts.
- Red Forman: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
- Red Forman: Forman, party of two.
- Restaurant Hostess: Okey dokey, that'll be about two hours.
- Red Forman: Here's twenty bucks.
- Restaurant Hostess: Okay we'll have something in fifteen minutes.
- Red Forman: You don't want this place to burn down twice do you?
- Restaurant Hostess: Okay we have something right now.
- Red Forman: I thought so. Well, it looks like it's our lucky night.
- Red: Nothing around this house is cheap.
- Eric: Except for Laurie.
- Laurie Forman: I am not cheap!
- Eric: Free, whatever.
- Red: [after Eric refused to be Donna's boyfriend again] Let me get this straight - Donna told you she wanted to get back together and you said NO?
- Eric: I said no.
- Red: What the Hell is wrong with you?
- Kitty Forman: Dumbass!
- [Red looks at Kitty in surprise]
- Eric: Look, I have my reasons, okay?
- Red: What the Hell could they possibly be?
- Eric: Casey dumps Donna and then Donna comes running back to ME? Look, I'm not a rebound, All right?
- Red: You're too PROUD to take her back? What exactly do you have to be proud OF? You're not an athelete! The only thing smart about you is your mouth! And, well... look at you!
- [Eric catches his parents having sex, and they find out]
- Kitty Forman: Red, say something.
- Red Forman: It's more fun than it looks.
- Red Forman: What are you doing here?
- Michael Kelso: The explanation is in the note.
- Red Forman: [reading the note] Dear Red, we would like for you to give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents.
- [Kitty laughs hysterically, and leaves the room]
- Red Forman: Well, you made her laugh, that's worth at least thirty bucks.
- [Gives Kelso the money]
- Eric: [on the new water heater] This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one.
- Red Forman: Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?
- Eric: Because he had a smart mouth?
- Red Forman: That's right.
- Red Forman: What the hell happened?
- Steven Hyde: Eric made out with Laurie's friend.
- Red Forman: Anything else?
- Fez: Your son is a whore.
- Red Forman: What the hell kind of restaurant is this? You got eight people singing happy birthday, and no one can bring my wife a damn salad.