Laura Prepon credited as playing...
Donna Pinciotti
- [Donna and Kelso are hiding under a bed]
- Donna Pinciotti: Is that your hand on my ass?
- Michael Kelso: It was an accident.
- Donna Pinciotti: Kelso, your hand's still on my ass.
- Michael Kelso: IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT.
- Red Forman: [to Eric] So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges.
- Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
- Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get outta here.
- Donna Pinciotti: [on the California beach] I miss Eric. That guy even looks like Eric.
- [Double take]
- Donna Pinciotti: Eric? Oh my God, Eric!
- Eric: [Looking around Kelso's van, he turns sharp at Donna's voice] Donna!
- [They run to each other in slow motion, Kelso tries to run along side Donna, but Donna pushes him down; they stop short of each other, just staring deeply into each other's eyes for a long moment and then... Kelso tackles Donna, wrestling her to the ground. Incredulous]
- Eric: Kelso, what the Hell are you doing?
- Michael Kelso: Winning!
- [Donna gets free, stands up and kicks Kelso in the side, then returns to looking at Eric]
- Donna Pinciotti: Eric... I can't believe you came for me.
- Eric: Of course I did. Donna... Donna I love you. And I... I...
- [he can't find the words]
- Donna Pinciotti: [Steps forward and kisses him passionately]
- Michael Kelso: You guys can smooch all you want, I totally won!
- [walks off]
- Steven Hyde: Guys, can we do something besides cruise? That's the third time tonight we've driven by that house.
- Michael Kelso: I know what we could do. We could go skinny dipping.
- [everyone looks at him]
- Michael Kelso: Naked! That's the way God intended.
- Jackie Burkhardt: No way.
- Michael Kelso: Why not? It'd be fun.
- Donna Pinciotti: Sure, it's fun for you guys, 'cause you can look at us, and that's a treat. But we just look at you. And that's nasty.
- Eric: So, you don't want to do it?
- Donna Pinciotti: Well... I don't care. I'll do it.
- Eric: You... Okay, I'm in.
- Fez: Naked is dirty.
- [singing]
- Fez: Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty.
- All: Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty.
- Jackie Burkhardt: [the screen flips. Everyone is in the car, naked] This was such a great idea, Michael. This was so much fun. Oh, wait, except for the part when our clothes got stolen, you idiot!
- Steven Hyde: By the way, Fez, nice tattoo, man.
- Fez: Thank you. It is the Blessed Virgin of Yorba Linda. Do you want to see her dance?
- All: No!
- Eric: Guys, we need a plan. I'm not driving up to the house with a car full of naked people. Red hates you guys when you're dressed.
- Steven Hyde: We can go to my house.
- Michael Kelso: Yeah, your mom's used of having naked guys around.
- Steven Hyde: She's not even home, you moron!
- [Hyde punches Kelso on the shoulder]
- Fez: Put on the top forty.
- [Fez reaches over for the radio]
- Steven Hyde: Whoa, sit down, Fez! I see London, I see Besticle!
- Fez: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
- Steven Hyde: I don't know. Tuck it in!
- Jackie Burkhardt: Eric, no offense, I know she's your sister, but Laurie is such a whore.
- Eric: Jackie, not since the "Smokey and the Bandit" debate, are you and I so on the same page.
- Donna Pinciotti: Me too.
- Steven Hyde: Hear hear.
- Fez: Yes.
- Jackie Burkhardt: Oh, my God. You all hate Laurie?
- [Everyone nods]
- Jackie Burkhardt: I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me.
- Steven Hyde: ...We all hate Laurie, all right.
- Donna Pinciotti: You have the van. We want to go home.
- Michael Kelso: Na-ah! I can't leave Annette. I love her.
- Eric: No, you don't.
- Michael Kelso: I love parts of her.
- Michael Kelso: I'm sorry. Look, I've been screwed by Darwinism... never needed to evolve listening skills 'cause my looks are so highly developed.
- Donna Pinciotti: Um, that's not how evolution works.
- Michael Kelso: Yeah, sure it is. Look, say I had to catch my own food, right? But I only ate really fast animals? My feet would eventually evolve into rockets.
- Steven Hyde: Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding.
- [Jackie is beating up Laurie after one insult too many]
- Donna Pinciotti: Whatever happened to Zen?
- Steven Hyde: Where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins.
- Donna: If you keep stuffing your face like this your gonna get...
- Jackie Burkhardt: Don't you dare say it, you bitch!
- Donna: Fat!
- [Donna reads Hyde's elementary school profile]
- Donna Pinciotti: Steven is destined to be one of the smartest people...
- Steven Hyde: Nice.
- Donna Pinciotti: ?in his cellblock.
- Donna Pinciotti: Do you think Eric could cheat on me with Shelley?
- Michael Kelso: Donna, Shelley's a tramp. No guy could ever turn down a tramp.
- Donna Pinciotti: Oh, my god. Is that true?
- Steven Hyde: I don't know. Let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?
- Laurie Forman: No.
- Steven Hyde: See?
- Kelso: Whatever. You know, none of this is as bad as Hyde not telling me. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make him tell me.
- Donna: How are you gonna do that?
- Michael Kelso: By outwitting him conversationally. What a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.
- Eric: So what are you gonna say?
- Michael Kelso: Oh, it'll come to me in the moment.
- Donna: Don't you think you should plan it out a little?
- Michael Kelso: Does an astronaut plan out his missions?
- Fez: What happens in cat and mouse if the cat is retarded?
- Michael Kelso: Oh, you just wait and see.
- Donna Pinciotti: Mom, when you and dad got into an argument, did you ever... You know...
- Midge Pinciotti: What?
- Donna Pinciotti: Well, have you ever... Stopped having sex with dad in order to win an argument?
- Midge Pinciotti: You can do that?
- Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, but...
- Midge Pinciotti: You mean that if I stop having sex with your father, he'll paint the bathroom?
- Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, but aren't you worried about how it can hurt the relationship?
- Midge Pinciotti: Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I'm getting my bathroom painted.
- [Kelso is clumsy with a gun]
- Donna Pinciotti: Kelso, careful with that.
- Michael Kelso: Don't worry, guns don't just go off by accident.
- Donna Pinciotti: What about Eric's hamster in fourth grade?
- Eric: Oh, no, my hamster went upstate to live with a new family upstate. Right?
- [Nobody says anything]
- Eric: Oh, my god. You killed my hamster.
- Michael Kelso: It wasn't my fault. The gun went off by accident.
- Michael Kelso: What does he have that I don't? I mean, I have the three things women want: I'm hot and I'm smart.
- Donna Pinciotti: That's two things you moron.
- Michael Kelso: Nuh-uh, hot counts twice.
- Donna Pinciotti: [when Eric wears a Chicago Bears jersey at a Green Bay Packer game] The Packers are like the Jedi. You're wearing a 'Go Darth Vader' jersey.
- Eric: You know Donna, I'm not surprised you're in my bed. I knew you couldn't resist me any longer.
- Donna: No I couldn't. I want you. I need you.
- Eric: Well, I never turn down a woman in need.
- [wraps his arms around her]
- Donna: You know, being here in you bed. On your... SpiderMan sheets. Makes me feel so Ready, so Willing.
- Eric: Then call me Able.
- [kisses her]
- Eric: Oh, a little mood music.
- [turns on a clock radio. Romantic music about a dream plays while he kisses her]
- Eric: [dissolve to Eric waking up alone in his bed] Damn.
- Donna: [off camera] What's wrong?
- Eric: [Eric screams] Aggh!
- [Eric sees the real Donna kneeling next to his bed]
- Eric: I mean... hey baby!
- Donna Pinciotti: I love you, Eric.
- Eric: I love... cake.
- Eric: [in a later scene] Donna, it's just that... if I say it, and then we break up, what would I tell myself?
- Donna Pinciotti: You could tell yourself you still have cake, we both know how much it means to you.
- Eric: OK, I deserve that.