Les amazones du temple d'or

I am now the proud owner of 26 Jess Franco movies, and after buying this one (as part of the Shriek Show "Jungle Girls" set), I think it may be time to admit I have a problem and seek out the proper 12-step group.

A young girls is orphaned after her missionary parents are murdered by the titular (or should that be tit-ular?) Amazons. She decides to seek revenge (but not of course until she has matured into a sexy teenage Analia Ivers with large, succulent,and perpetually exposed breasts). With her pet monkey, a cartoonish African witch doctor, and some greedy explorers she sets off to find the Golden Temple of the Amazons. Although this is supposedly set in Africa and everyone else is black, the Amazons are all Nordic blonde girls for some reason. And in what is not exactly a blow for feminism, the legendary tribe of females has a male leader--a fat, middle-aged white guy who does little more than stage half-naked catfights and then rape the winner.

Franco fans are, of course, used to this kind of inanity--but even they are not used to this level of incompetent film-making. Frankly, this looks someone's home movies shot at the zoo after Dad has had a few too many beers (albeit with Mom and Big Sis taking their tops off a lot). It's also surprisingly tame--producer Daniel Lesseur even claims that it was supposed to be a family film! While I would never expose MY children to this kind of rampant nudity, bad taste, and incompetent film-making, he's right in that this certainly doesn't make it as an adult movie in any sense of the word. There is a hilarious scene where the older female explorer (let's call her "Mom")goes skinny-dipping and discovers a cave which she proceeds to explores without, you know, actually putting her clothes back on. Mostly though it's more smutty than erotic, such as the scene where the male explorer, played by a gray-bearded Anthony Mayans, is straddling the barely dressed, barely legal heroine as they ride an elephant and lasciviously tells her that he really isn't interested in being her father. Yep, fun for the whole family alright.

Remember the first step is to admit that we are powerless over Franco and that his films have become unwatchable.

I really dont know where to begin, or end.... Bad bad acting, bad costumes BAD WIGS, bad sets (the golden walls in the mine is so obviously painted tin foil), ...Out of the 11 or so "amazon" women, not one of them looks like she ever worked out a DAY in her life.. Flab, banana boobs, cottage cheese arses, ...If it cost more than ten bucks and a pizza party to make this movie, i'd be shocked...........its really really bad.. Filmmakers, watch this movie please so you know what directioin NOT to go on ...

Beyond bad; and cheaper than cheap. Insulting. Ugly. Sick. The nubile beauty who seems to be the heroine is beautiful enough. But this movie is like putting a kitten into a blender. Sad. Watched the girl in the petting zoo; then gave up. What made it so bad? A bunch of women in the nude. And sadly, they shouldn't be. Stereotypical characters, predictable, tedious.

A missionary named Simpson (Jean-Rene Gossart) becomes hungry for gold, and he and his wife pay the price when targeted by tough-as-nails, topless Amazonian babes. Their daughter is raised in the jungle, away from civilization, and grows up to be a "Sheena" type named Liana (Analia Ivars), albeit one with an impressive perm. As an adult, Liana decides that the time is ripe for revenge, and accompanied by characters like an archaeologist, his hot-to-trot wife, a witch doctor, and a jungle guide, she treks into the land of the "blue mountain" where a golden temple does indeed await.

Officially directed by Alain Payet, with uncredited work by "presenter" Jess Franco (who also wrote the screenplay), this is no great example of the jungle adventure genre popularized by the Italians. There's not much gore, no cannibalism, and other than the nudity, there's nothing that would be highly objectionable to a mainstream audience. Overall, the movie delivers *some* entertainment, at least for the viewer who can't get enough of this sort of thing. All the acting, dubbing, and set design tend towards the utterly cheesy; much of the dialogue is rather unintelligible, although that's probably no real loss. The electronic music score by Norbert Verrone is overbearing.

Despite the title, this clearly takes place in Africa, and there are admittedly some very cute scenes near the beginning of Liana interacting with the wildlife - chatting with a giraffe, hitching a ride on an elephant, etc. (The animal sequences are actually pretty good.) And there is also a fairly well trained chimp who the human characters call "Rocky". Of the main cast members, Eva Leon appears to be having the most fun, playing the evil, sadistic, eyepatch-wearing Rena. Co-starring are familiar faces such as William Berger, Antonio Mayans, and Olivier Mathot. Francos' wife Lina Romay has an uncredited bit as a temple guard.

If you're looking for an 85-minute cheese fest that won't get too unpleasant and won't tax your brain, "Golden Temple Amazons" kills time in a passable way.

Five out of 10.

Stupid scenes, bad acting, poor dialogue, lots of topless scenes. Liana (Analía Ivars) is the heroine and main character of the movie. You'll be seeing a lot of her. She'll be running around topless throughout the whole movie. Amazons kill her gold hungry missionary parents and Liana is raised in the jungle away from civilization. Although she does seem to find a way to maintain a perm. When she matures, Liana decides she has to avenge her parent's death and with an odd assortment of characters she picks up on her quest, she goes after the Amazons. Not that hard a task. I don't recall seeing more than 7 in any scene. The movie has lots of nudity, violence, but no real gore. There are some scenes that if it wasn't for the nudity, you might think it was a children's film. It's a very cheaply made film with lots of mistakes. The more you question things, the worse it gets. For me, this was one of those it's so bad it's good movies. It's entertaining in a humorous way. Not to be taken seriously. Wait until you meet the witch doctor Koukou. Watch this one for the laughs.