Talisman

It's said that if you put a million monkeys in front of a million typewriters, one will write a shakespearean play. The other 999,999 are likely to write something like this.

The plot borders on the non-existent, the deaths are meaningless, the characters as 2 dimensional as the flaming-heart special effects. Overall, this isn't a film I'd recommend to the discerning horror film fan.

The fact it's rated "15" in England kinda lets on to the fact that it's no Elm Street, and the constant flashbacks take the film from the "mind numbing" category into the "annoying" one. The film features topics such as incest, demon worship and serial killing - seemingly, the base for a great film. However, the wooden acting (basing the film abroad gives birth to a new realm of stupidity in cheesy accents) and gratuitous special effects restricted to glowing red eyes and heart-ripping, mean that this film is as horrifying as...well....starring in it.

Harsh? Not really. If there's a plotline running through this film and not just a rehashing of more clichés than there are murders then I failed to notice it. The characters aren't fleshed out at all, the deaths follow no visible pattern and all in all the film is more predictable than a James Bond innuendo.

It's hard to come up with one word to sum this entire film up, especially without resorting to the libellous. I'd hesitate to describe it as "terrible" since it does provide some hints and tips to new writers how NOT to write a script. I'll settle for "laughable".

Oh my goodness! I've not seen the most silliest show on Earth. It was so predictable. It's like "Here I come to rip out your heart!" and then "Oh, no!". You get what I mean? It was simply stupid. My friend paid RM12.90 for the original DVD, thinking it will be good. Boy, were we wrong! Oh and by the way, the lines were so corny and lame. It was a miracle I made it out fine.

But I have to say. The sources for rituals, witchcraft, fallen angels etc. of the movie was good. That compelled me but other than that, NOT AT ALL! Readers, do not watch this movie. You'll thank me, trust me. You haver no idea how speechless I am right now.

OK, if you didn't find this movie downright hilarious and awesome, you are probably stoic and annoying. Your IQ is probably very low, because even my dog thought this movie rocked. It is not only funny, but it is clearly not mean tot be taken seriously. If the writer intended it to be serious... Then that's even funnier. Life just keeps getting better. Anyways, I recommend this movie to everyone. I saw it a long time ago it was so great.

Man I can't wait to see it again. Apparently my comment must have 10 lines of text, so I will elaborate. A young woman and male find an awesome Talisman lying around. They then are embarked on a journey to stop the evil that was all along hidden within the talisman. There is betrayal, oh yes, and a school, oh yes, a private school. A private school with fabulous school uniforms. There is a guy who looks half-Asian. There is a hot teacher.

The list doesn't end there. There is also the evil itself. Which is taking lives for it's plan of ultimate world demise. I suppose I have reached my ten lines of text. I will leave you with a few descriptive words that I would use to describe this movie:

Awesome, Hilarious, Amusing, Entertaining, Not Scary, The opposite of Horror, Worth all the time I put into watching it, Worth the time I spent looking it up, Intuiging, Exciting, etc.

This plays like a Bizarro-world version of a Women-in-Prison movie. You remember Bizarro world from Superman comic books and Seinfeld episodes: everything is like our earth, but in an imperfect (really whacked-out) way. In this case, the classic Reform School, which in our reality would be full of nubile young girls who get hosed down, is full of nubile young men. There is a food-fight in the dining hall, a lock-down and even a trustee character who apparently is coercing his roommates into providing him with um...companionship. But when the plot should head toward showers and/or a breakout, the inmates/students start getting sacrificed on the apocalyptic demonic altar in the basement and then... Well, it's never as seedy as one might hope, but you've got to give Charles Band credit for trying something different.

Granted, this is not one of the better movies to come out of Full Moon since their departure from Paramount. It isn't one of the worst, either. David Decoteau (under alias), directs this seemingly gothic movie. I say "seemingly" because, where is is dark and dreary (which I liked that), it still doesn't develop into the dark, gothic opus it really could have.

I have noticed...Quit a few Full Moon films take a really good idea, and destroy it with low budget films, full of bad acting, bad directing and silly scripts. I really feel they should allow outside talent. Anyway, this was a good idea, which is described in other reviews, so I will leave it out. The sets were very dark and gloomy, the cemetary was kinda creepy in that European cemetary kinda way. The Fallen Angel, was kinda silly looking, but worked on the budget. The blood spraying was utterly silly and the 2-dimensional CGI flames were just pitiful.

This really could have been a decent movie, given a bigger budget and a director that really understand the subject matter.

5 out of 10