Noah's Ark

I saw the coming attractions about 2-3 months before this aweful

movie came out! i was so excited. After watching NBC's "Merlin"

and "The Odyssey" i expected the network to do the same for

Noah's Ark.

I had my tape all ready to record(and keep) this movie. Instead

when i saw part 1, i was completely disgusted!! The acting was

horrible! Some of the effects were cheesy! And most of all, the

writers screwed up the bible!! They completely turned everything

around! The scenes and script did not make any sense. many of

the scenes in the movie were not according to the bible.

After seeing a scene in part 2 in which Noah and his family goes

completely bonkers, i shut that VCR off and turned the channel!!

The actors for the most part were just terrible! Of all the movies to

act in Jon Voight had to act in this mess (all for money i guess)!

Mary Steenburgen(why her!!!) was just completely boring and

irritating; same for Carol Kane as Lot's wife ("I want to see!! I want

to see!! ) I do not know why NBC picked these and actors that

were in the movie.

Anyway, i finally had a chance to say what i wanted to say about

this "Noah's Ark". from a rating of 1-10, i give it a big fat ZERO!!

Don't waste your time on this boring trash!!!!

This was on the children's shelf at our local video store. BIG mistake; there's enough violence in this to give an adult nightmares, let alone a child, and more sexual references than I'd care to explain to my innocent six year old. We did a lot of fast forwarding in the beginning.

That said, even as an adult movie, this is a completely unredeemable film. The script is stupid, and the story is so twisted and convoluted that it would hardly be recognizable as a Bible story at all if it weren't for the big boat and the pairs of animals. If they wanted to do a Sodom and Gomorrah movie (not that I think that would go over well in today's political climate, but I'd like to see it anyway), they could have done one, and not tried to throw that event (which was a good thousand years, at least, after Noah's Flood) in with the flood. The script is tasteless and stupid, the acting (especially by Mary Steenburgen) is wooden. Even the scene with the animals, which is prettily-enough done, isn't enough to make this a movie worth watching. Give this one a miss, and definitely DO NOT get it for your kids.

Funniest film I've seen in a long time (albeit unintentionally so). Loved the pirates chasing the ark - I expected eye-patches, peg-legs, parrots calling "Pieces of eight, pieces of eight", &c. Perhaps they were using an old Monty Python script.

Bad guys don't wear black hats in this film; instead they have rotten teeth.

I read an article by an extra (Jonathan Biggins) in "The Sydney Morning Herald" in which he said the cheetah (or some other "wild" cat) earned more on the shoot than he did. This says something for the production values of this film.

Yea and verily, my brothers and sisters, behold a Grade-One Turkey. Question is - is it SO bad that it will earn cult status?

After struggling for an hour and 45 minutes (including many commercials,) I concluded that this theological hodge-podge coupled with "B" movie Hollywood "glitz" was insulting my intelligence, plain inane, and boring. Jon Voight was much more exciting in Midnight Cowboy, Coming Home and Deliverance.

I hope we have seen the last of this one and the producers will not waste their time producing a video for sale and rent.

I must admit that the animal computer simulations were extremely well done and thoroughly enjoyed by my four year old grandson!

I know that many others have already complained about the Biblical inaccuracies in this movie, but I might as well add my two cents worth, too. :)

As the title of this review says, "Noah's Ark" is a great movie, but a pathetic retelling of Biblical history. Altho very dramatic and heavy (and quite entertaining), it completely shreds any amount of accuracy. For example...

1) Lot was a descendant of Noah's, not his best friend. They lived hundreds of years apart and never even saw each other.

2) It was Abraham who bargained with God to find 10 righteous people in Sodom and Gomorrah, not Noah.

3) The movie also slaps the divine nature of the Bible in the face. The Bible clearly says that "All scripture is inspired by God", meaning that God wrote the Bible through mortal men. However, if you listen to Noah's wife Naamah, "You can't trust scribbling scribes. They change things. When they're done with the story, it will be as if you weren't even there." (loose quote) So first, we're supposed to believe that Noah and family witnessed the destruction of Sodom, and second, we're supposed to believe the Bible lies about it?

4) Shem, Ham, and Japheth took their WIVES on the Ark, not their GIRLFRIENDS.

5) Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives, were the only survivors of the Flood. There were no peddlers or pirates.

6) God shut the door to the Ark, not Noah's sons.

7) There was only one window on the Ark, and the odds of them actually being able to move about on deck are slim to none.

8) I read nowhere that it says God assisted with the building of the Ark.

9) I also don't find anything about them going crazy or Noah's sons rebelling.

10) And can someone please show me book, chapter, and verse where God "had to decide" whether or not to drown the Ark?

11) Oh, yes, and God does NOT make mistakes. What is the purpose of having and omniscient being if he's going to make mistakes? This movie has God apologizing to Noah, but in actuality, God did what had to be done and what he KNEW had to be done.

12) And finally, God did not promise Noah that he would never destroy the Earth again, he promised he would never destroy the Earth by WATER again. It says later on in the Bible that when Christ returns to escort us to the Judgement Day, the world will be consumed with fire. So yes, the Earth WILL be destroyed a second time, just not in the same method.

There are many smaller discrepancies, but these are the major ones. I fully understand that some things would have to be "amended" for a film version of the Ark, such as giving first names to Noah's wife and his daughters-in-law, but this movie far exceeds any legitimate speculation. Like I said in the beginning, this is a good movie for someone who just wants to be entertained, but if you're looking for a vast store of Bible knowledge, look somewhere else.