Land of Doom

Land of Doom definitely has one of the better titles going for it in recent cinematic history, but that's about all it can muster.

Take your normal plot. Let's use some symbolism, and have it be a puppy. During the movie, you watch the puppy grow. There are exciting parts, like when the puppy chases some squirrels around, or sad parts, where the puppy whizzes on your favorite Duran Duran album. By the end of the movie, the puppy has become an adult dog, hopefully soon to spawn other puppies, AKA sequels.

Land of Doom, unlike a normally aging dog, is basically a set of drunk dogs, wandering aimlessly, bumping into walls, and not only whizzing on your Duran Duran albums, but also the Mona Lisa and all vestiges of modern civilization. By the end, instead of a healthy, happy dog whom you love, you're stuck with a brain dead puppy who is busy chewing off its own tail. Pathetic, yes. But that's Land of Doom.

Don't see this movie. Seriously, it just wants your soul. I mean, it doesn't even actually end. You know how a movie reaches the point where you know the big climatic fight is about to begin? In Land of Doom, that moment arrives, the heroes run away, roll credits. Thanks, movie!

Slight redeeming factor: Jawas. There are Jawas in this film. Also, the end theme is so the exact opposite of a titular song for this movie that it has to be heard to be believed.

Rating 1/10 - My eyes! My poor eyes!

Deborah Rennard and Garrick Dowhen make their way across a nuclear-war-devastated landscape as they search for a rumored paradise. There are rapists, cannibals and evil motorcyclists who wear black leather studded with shiny metal, as well as the odd Venetian mask for them to encounter. Why is it that leather-clad motorcyclists always survive, and there's plenty of gasoline?

It's shot amidst the weird, weathered, rocky deserts of Eastern Turkey, which certainly has the look of a devastated landscape. It's odd to think this was once prime farming land, fought over by conquerors for three thousand years... which is why it looks that way.

It's a pretty bad movie, but TCM added a bit of humor by noting that Miss Renard is a man, and Dowhen is a woman.

Yes there are a lot of bad films like this. Yet this still stands tall as a bad film even in bad company.

This is a junior high school level Mad Max/Star Wars rip off. This kind of hybrid rip off/inspired pulp filmmaking was done my Turkish filmmakers for years with a crazy energy to equal some of the most mondo of Japanese and Italian movies. Sadly, though this features at least one Turkish star in a minor supporting role, this movie's "creative" force Maris doesn't have much of a clue about how to choose or direct actors or how to stage a fight scene or do action. The two leads both have U.S. TV credits and can't sustain any interest in a feature, the stunts could mostly be performed by your grandmother and done just as well. The pacing is lifeless the costumes and almost everything about it seems fake and thrown to together at the last minute. There are some large scale explosions--most of which seem to be big gas explosions and they hold off the shots long enough that you can see the explosion didn't really blow anything up.

There is at least one scene of a bad guy screaming the hero's name in rage, so they don't forget to include that. The main villain is pretty skinny for a guy who is supposed to be a muscle man. He had a sort of Phantom of the Opera mask on half of his face and in his longest dialogue scene speaks with a lisp. Sadly this type of funny bad moment doesn't happen enough to make the film a guilty pleasure.

The real life locations in Turkey's Capodocia are fascinating and only occasionally seen on film, but besides that this is a wasteland on all other levels. Best so-bad-it's-good element is the hilarious end title song and generally awful music score. How director Maris managed to keep making films after this I don't know, I'd hope he got better, but I haven't seen any of the rest to say for sure. But this is really badly done.

I suppose the only other way to describe this film is to say it's the type of film CANNON did too often, only much worse than even the worst of those.

It's a waste because if he had just gotten some better actors and then let some real Turkish directors make the film it could have been fun.

Turkish pulp cinema is a vanished thing and this does give just a very small taste of what the world is missing. If you can only imagine this film done with energy and lots of stolen music from other films and even occasionally stolen footage you'd have some hint. Seek out the few remaining real Turkish pulp cinema. Sadly most of the films were destroyed to reclaim the silver used in the prints, at a time when pop culture films stopped being popular in Turkey

Director: Peter Maris Cast: Deborah Rennard, Gerry Dowhen, Daniel Radell

Adventure, Sci-Fi, Thriller. Throw in a bunch of explosions, more cool leather costumes than you can shake a stick at, some awesome Turkish desert locations and rad-tastic old cars outfitted for combat Mad Max style and you can see how this one hits all the right notes... so long as you look at it from the proper skewed, underdeveloped perspective. Its hilarious.

Land of Doom is dumb in every way a movie like this should be dumb, but it's pretty entertaining if you're in an undemanding mood and hankering for leather, explosions, flamethrowers and guys with metal arms and face plates. Deliciously low budget . I had fun with it. 6/10

In a poisoned post-apocalyptic world, marauders destroy all the good that is left. Harmony (Deborah Rennard) survives a raid which devastates her village. She encounters wounded warrior Anderson who is being hunted by ruthless raid leader Slater. She distrusts him but joins him anyways.

This is a straight up B-movie. The acting is bland. Rennard lacks charisma. Usually, this type of movie would try to sex her up. I can give it points for making her functional as a post-apocalyptic survivor rather than a bikini-clad killer. She tries to be seductive in one scene and it is so awkward. There is barely any chemistry between the two leads. Mostly, I like the Turkey locations. The style is somewhat silly. I don't mind the simplistic plot. It's a bit boring but it's not the worst.