Velvet Smooth

When people talk about this genre Velvet Smooth is rarely mentioned, however with the recent re-release this may change.

Despite being in full HD the transfer suffers from what looks like a lava eruption on the screen all the way through.

The selling point of this movie is the hysterically funny fight scenes, of which there are many. Everyone in this movie does terrible karate. Its as if everyone in this city has been compelled to take bad karate classes or they ain't allowed out of the house.

The reason for so much fighting is to do with some crime syndicate who basically go around bashing people up in hilarious ways while funny sound effects play.

There is the obvious funk soundtrack of this movie however during fight scenes it breaks down into a complete racket.

This is one of those female led movies so expect to see one woman beating up twenty huge men who all take turns to attack her and only jump in when its their turn.

There is a Kojack look a like in this, Ko-Jim maybe?

If MST3K havent touched this yet I would be surprised, its definitely the same standard as Guy From Harlem.

Recommended if you can find a copy and want a great laugh.

This is one of the weaker Blaxploitation films made in the 70's. Production value? Well, I have seen student films with better attention to detail. The acting is not any better. The music isn't too bad and unfortunately one of the only good things about this film.

If you are dedicated to the Genre, then you have to see it. Otherwise you aren't going to miss anything. They took the formula approach and it shows. You can't take any of these movies too seriously, but you can pass on this one.

See: Three the Hardway, Blackula, Superfly, Shaft or Detroit 9000.

This little known film is worthy of seeking out . So o.k the production values are limited and the walls move when they close doors , but don't yours ? Our heroine is the foxy detective who is trying to find out who is breaking in to a local drug tzars turf , with plot lines skipping all over the place she soon learns not to trust anyone .. why was she hired in the first place..whats the alteria motive of the gang leader. Velvet soon discovers the truth and unleashes a whole can of "whoop ass" on the hapless baddies. Its not the best but its a hell of a lot better than the worst , and our leading lady..whoa !

OK, I believe an in-depth analysis is not exactly necessary for this one. Its only value is in the unintentional laughs it has to offer. The martial-arts choreography is a disgrace to the words "martial" and "arts". The girls may be sexy and smooth, but I'm sorry, a weekend's training in combat is just not enough. The stuntmen are a joke. The fights are slow, clunky, and graceless. "T.N.T Jackson" has better fight scenes than "Velvet Smooth". Peter Sellers and Burt Kwouk have better fight scenes in the "Pink Panther" films. "Benny Hill" has better fight scenes - wait, "Benny Hill" has no fight scenes, I just got carried away by all the sped-up action. Well, you get the idea anyway. I think 0.5 out of 4 stars is a fair enough grade.

I have never seen such an atrocious looking film with an equally atrocious soundtrack before. A film with the most horrible fight choreography ever depicted and a spiral staircase that obviously went nowhere! That is what we get in Velvet Smooth, a film that tries to be too clever in terms of twists while probably telling the actors to just have fun with it as far as the fight scenes go.

The story, some guys are beating up and stealing from businesses involved in illegal numbers. They belong to a crime guy called King. There is also a dude who has a casino, but I forgot his name. Well King needs to find out who is behind the string of crimes so he gets Velvet Smooth and her lady friends who can unrealistically beat down a superior number of men in masks with karate that is worse than that of the Guy From Harlem. They have to track down the guy behind the masked attackers and get in some loving while pretending the spiral staircase in her apartment leads to a bedroom when it is obvious it goes nowhere.

The actors are horrible, the plot is horrible and the martial arts (if that is what you want to call it) is horrible. I began wondering if this thing were maybe a spoof made at a later date and made to look older when the strange dying screeching music began playing during the fight scenes and that one dude yelled on the roof, but alas, no, not meant to be a spoof.

So, I have seen this and The Guy From Harlem and both are bad, but this one was worse to me. My ears still bleed due to the screeching music. The Guy From Harlem had a more straightforward plot, while this one was all over the place. I saw it coming though, I knew it was going to be an "Aha, I'm the real culprit" type ending. So, it fails to surprise even with all the misdirection and the horrible decor to try and distract you!