Vampires Anonymous

Put yourself in my shoes. You're walking through your local Blockbuster. You've gone through all the new releases, not finding anything worth watching. Finally, you get to the V's. Sitting there is a movie called Vampires Anonymous. Always a fan of a camp fest, you pick it up. But who is it on the cover? Why it's one of your favorite under-appreciated actors Michael Madsen sitting on a motorcycle. You read the back of the box that says the movie is about a 12 step program for Vampires. Low budget. Little known. This has to be bad.

Then you watch it. And to your delight, it's surprisingly good. Has a good amount of dark humor. Really original story. Some fun action sequences. Only gripe is could have had a little more Madsen. But that's alright. Because the movie was still enjoyable without him.

All in all, this is a good film. Nice to see an original take on the vampire theme. Sometimes that can blow up in your face like the Dracula musical on Broadway at the moment that's bombing hard. But this film has just the right mix of action/drama/humor to keep you interested.

Admitting your problem is hard… now for vampires there's a twelve step program to overcome their addictive craving for human blood, but this recovery process is sure to bring on the cold turkey. "Vampire Anonymous" is a quirky and hip, if smartly realised low-budget vampire comedy that is enjoyably charming despite the familiar developments. Vic Weller (a likable Paul Popowich) makes a call to Vampires Anonymous (1- 800-555-BITE) after biting yet again another girlfriend. Signing up to this group, he takes a test which picks out sheep as his best choice for blood source and his relocated to a small country town with Geno (a laconic Michael Madsen) as his sponsor whenever he needs advice. However the program doesn't seem to be working as he brings attention to his drinking habits as he slowly begins to fall off the wagon, as an underpaid corporate vampire slayer (a perfectly bitchy Michelle Stafford) gets on his trail and the police start investigating the disappearance of the town's depleting sheep population. Also he has taken a liking to the sweet Maggie Miller (the lovely Nicole Forester). The story is an amusingly sharp spin on addiction and the help that is offered in overcoming it. Satirically biting and creative in its comical situations, but the small town dramas are systematic, so is the romance angle.

"Don't be an f**king sheep in your next life."

So, I watched this movie, and I have to admit that there is this one extra who walks through the scene atleast four times. He's sexy. And that's why I am going to watch the movie again and again. His hair is kind of poofy. And he's probably 16 in the movie, but hey it was in production awhile ago. So he's got to be almost 20 now. Wow, if I could just meet him that would be the best experience ever. Watch the movie just for this heart throb. And then watch again. I suggest using the pause button for his scenes. This movie could be improved if they showed the hot extra more often. In fact, I think that it should think about perhaps doing an updated revision to the film to eliminate everyone else's roles and just let this guy be in the whole movie. Girls across the country would flock to it. It would be hotter than NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Mr. Big, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Heath Ledger all in one movie at the same time.

The idea of a twelve step program for recovering vampires, is a solid, original, premise. The "Vampires Anonymous" meeting and eccentric members, including Michael Madsen, got things off to a fast start. After the promising opening, the script seems to wander in and out of "black comedy", with nowhere to go. In the end, there are unexplainable lapses in logic that weaken the movie. Really not violent enough for the horror crowd, really not totally a successful comedy, really in parts too clever for it's own good, really lacking chemistry between the leads, really bad southern accents, really no nudity for a film where it might have helped, but still creative enough to entertain. Marginally recommended. - MERK

This movie was so good. I laugh so hard each time I watch it. The hidden comedy is so deliciously dark it makes this movie even better. I can't wait to see what they come up with next. I have successfully infected everyone I know..including my own mother by making them watch this film. I admit that at first they all didn't want to have to sit through it because it seemed a bit silly from the title and description but none of them were disappointed.

If you are looking for an awesome dark comedy with excellent music, check this one out. My only complaint is that I can't find any merchandise like bumper stickers or T-shirts. I am thinking Christmas gifts would be a wonderful way to spread the news! To all of those who watched this movie and didn't "get" it... Dude, you rock!