Druids

Convoluted story line, poor to bad acting , mediocre sets, thin plot. Even Christopher Lambert (Highlander) took a long vacation form acting when he made this one. Even the music has no redeeming value. Sounds like some kid playing with a computer generation program. Rent only if it is the last one on the shelf.

I picked up this video with a free rental coupon, as part of a Klaus Maria Brandauer video marathon. I have been holding off on watching this one, because I had read some reviews and knew it had not been well-received. I have never seen anything so tedious. I tried to understand what made it so bad and I have a few ideas: C.L. has no personality on film. He was good in the "Greystoke" Tarzan scenes because he was young and lean and naked, once dressed and indoors, he had nothing to offer the viewer. In "Druids" he looks awful, so that only leaves us with his delivery of lines - which is also awful. Klaus was boring ( I am shocked to write it) and seemed to be killing time in every scene. The warriors seemed to spend their time waiting to be told what to do. Everyday as sunny, all the battlefields were smooth and grassy, the horses were never out of breath or foaming with exertion. It was totally unrealistic - NO BLOOD or mud on the battleground after a clash. One good aspect was the two female leads - the girlfriend and the warrior, who were portrayed as intelligent and capable. That's it.

Since the movie had the title "Druids," I was pleasantly surprised to find that the story was fairly historically accurate. That does not make it a good movie, though. It still pretty much stinks. Almost everyone in the technical credits had names that ended in "...ov." Were they all Russians? I thought this was a French - Canadian production.

Much as I generally enjoy watching good old Mr. Lambert messing about in the usual mindless, middle-of-the-road sci-fi shenanigans that he likes to frequent, I get no satisfaction whatsoever from seeing him jump up and down violently on what's left of his career in a sick-makingly irredeemable cinematic dog such as this.

Like so many reviewers before me, I just don't know where to begin.

Let's see: a shockingly bad soundtrack, editing the likes of which I've never seen, pointless, half-finished subplots, props and costumes that look like they were bought from the joke shop down the road (well, from some comedian in the nearest Bulgarian farming village, anyway), the criminal comparison to Braveheart on the video sleeve, dialogue that makes Hellgate and Slugs sound like they were written by David Mamet, and the most Austrian Austrian they could find to star as the most Roman Roman of all time, Caesar. Worst of all, the "kill me now" plea so obvious in Mr. Lambert's eyes (when you can see them through the hair) from start through to merciful finish.

Easily the worst film I've seen for years. And in the last few years I've seen Octopus, Spiders, Spiders 2, Ripper, Bats, Turbulence 3 and Deathstalker IV. Somebody tell Christopher Lambert that it's not funny any more.

A truly horrible movie, from the acting to the camera-work, to the editing. I only watched it because I got the VHS for 50 cents and absolutely nothing was on TV. It barely beat out doing housework! Ugh!

I already knew Christopher Lambert couldn't act (he got lucky and was carried by Sean Connery in Highlander) but he surpassed even my low expectations. And that hairdo! Like Frankenstein on a bad hair day.

For what it's worth, Klaus Maria Brandauer did a good job (if you envision Caesar with a German accent) and Max von Sydow was, well...Max von Sydow.

Oh, and one of the tribes (a little over halfway through the move) all had pink hair and looked like some type of mutant's escaped from a Wendy's restaurant! There was even a guy who looked like Pipi Longstocking. Scary.

Anyway, if you want to watch something while you get really drunk (or otherwise inebriated) this might work, otherwise, save your 50 cents!