Ninja the Protector

More devilment from Tomas Tang. See my comments on "Ninja Demon's Massacre" if you need to know what the Tang Formula is.

Normally Tang edits ninja footage into action movies, but in this rare exception, he's chosen to violate a weak softporn HK soap opera about "Warren's" adventures at the modelling school. Naturally, it is improved by the addition of ninjas. The incongruity of the ninja storyline within the bulk of the footage is even greater than usual. Which is funny, until your head starts aching.

Features Richard Harrison II, perhaps my favourite Tang stalwart.

Richard Harrison once again finds himself in heavy mascara and camouflage ninja togs whilst being edited into a completely non ninja movie here!

Yes, Godfrey Ho strikes again and this time he has spliced some rather enjoyable ninja footage into what amounts to a somewhat odd soft porn movie!

Fair enough, the movie is certainly better than many of the other atrocities that Ho has chosen as his base for these films but it must nonetheless also rank as one of the most bizarre choices of film into which to edit in a tenuous ninja plot.

Still, it's the ninja action we want to see in this, so does our man Ho deliver the goods? Well sadly, (but as per usual in these movies) there's just not enough ninja activity on offer here which proves a genuine shame as what is present is great fun, for instance the ninja motorcycle duel! Also present and correct (but not necessarily welcome) is the abrupt ending (although there is admittedly a strange and unique charm in Ho's sudden cessation of these movies - it appears to be a trademark of his!)

Is it worth watching? For Z-grade ninja movie fans (of which I am one)of course! Everyone else would be well advised to steer clear....A Godfrey Ho film to the uninitiated may prove just too much for one's cerebral health!

The late-80s/early-90s was the golden era of the action hero: Sly and Arnie were tops at the box office, whilst second-tier stars like Chuck, Dolph, Van Damme and Seagal cleaned up on VHS. Even Speakman and Dudikoff became recognisable names, not just amongst die-hard fans of fight flicks, but with normal folk who arrived too late at the video shop to rent out the newest releases but didn't want to go home empty handed.

Richard Harrison, on the other hand, is a name that will probably only be familiar to those who weren't afraid to delve into the darkest depths of the dreaded bottom shelf (reserved for only the lowest budgeted Z-grade garbage). Sporting an ultra-macho Selleck-style 'tache and often seen clad from head to toe in a crap camouflage suit, Harrison was the star of many a Ninja film from legendary director Godfrey Ho, who would cobble his films together with little regard for logic or narrative cohesion.

Ninja Protector is a fairly unexceptional example of such a movie: the plot is typically all over the place, the result of Harrison's Ninja footage having been clumsily spliced together with an old Hong Kong film; ninjas materialise out of nowhere to do battle with each other, resulting in the usual frenetic sword-based martial arts mayhem; and the action is regularly punctuated by soft-core sex scenes featuring a selection of nubile Asian honeys. Those familiar with this type of junk may find it mildly entertaining for the duration, but the film sadly lacks any of the truly bizarre stuff that occasionally qualifies such ninja nonsense as unmissable.

No matter how many ninja films one sees it always looks to me like people fighting wearing pyjamas. This is particularly true in this film where the Richard Harrison character wears a natty pair of duds that look perfect for bedtime. Which makes the ninja fights he is in look silly. When he puts on his ninja suit he also looks slimmer. At least they could have had someone similar in size to Richard Harrison. He was a big boy.

The film is a hybrid of at least two others but one never knows. It could be more. The western actors are dubbed but their lip are saying the same dialogue anyway so it becomes quite surreal. The Hong Kong actors are also dubbed but one gets used to that in martial art films anyway even though their lip movements are so different. Being a hybrid the plot wavers all over the place. When a character says, "Tiger has been killed" you think, who heck is Tiger? Is my memory going or did they ever appear? A rambling plot, tame fight scenes and plain acting are not even redeemed by a couple of sex scenes as they are just as boring as the rest of the film. Not good, not good at all.

Ninja the Protector is yet another triumph for the 'versatile ninja master' Richard Harrison, and an astonishing masterclass in suspense and action that only Joseph Lai could serve up.

When faced with the tyranny of an evil ninja empire run by an overweight accountant, our hero resorts to the only weapon a ninja can when faced with certain death - a 500cc racing motorbike. In a tense scene suitably offset with the mellow strummings of Pink Floyd, Richard demonstrates some of his broad reportoire of jaw dropping action stunts that, quite rightly, put Jackie Chan's efforts in the shade.

A must for all Harrison fans, serious action junkees and devotees of films spliced together in an incredibly obvious way to shift a few copies in the West.