The Crawlers

Kidding.

Okay, you're right, this is THE single worst movie of all time. But there are some GREAT lines: Hit-man one to hit-man two: "Shut up. And drive." Well, one great line. And that was pretty much the highlight of the movie.

The poor guy who played the helicopter pilot is a friend of mine, so once a year a bunch of us get together for a Crawlers party, to make fun of, and abuse, our friend. "I've lived among the trees all my life and I've never seen anything like it." As far as I can tell, the only reason to watch this movie is because you know someone who acted, and I use the term loosely, in it.

Dear God, what were they thinking when they made this thing? I'm glad they did, but...Lord-love-a-duck this thing stinks!

They say lightening doesn't strike twice but check out Crawlers. This film is produced by the people who brought you that masterpiece known as Troll 2. Honestly this film doesn't match the pure genius of Troll 2 but it sure comes close. First, check out the Alaskan setting. Everyone knows that Alaska is beautiful and scenic but who knew it was so freaking hot! That Alaskan summer will kill you. At least five characters complain about the ungodly Alaskan heat. Second, the boss at the nuclear power plant might be the greatest actor I've ever seen on film. His tone of voice never changes. Its an amazing feat of line reading and I do mean line reading. This man deserved an award for this performance. No one can be that horrible. I believe its a commentary on the robotic nature of our everyday lives. This man deserves our respect. Third, look out for those flying roots. Tremendous special effects work permeates this film. Check out that helicopter crash. Was that a fisher price model? I do believe it was. And how about the tonka truck bulldozer. I guess they only had enough money to rent the real deal for a very brief time. All in all this film isn't quite as good as Troll 2 but it come pretty close. Watch and learn about the true art of filmmaking.

The future of bad movies seemed grim and uncertain during the mass-destruction of the American drive-ins...but with dreck like THE CRAWLERS continuing to pop up, there may be hope for the future of schlock after all.

About the film...it involves a small town being threatened by creeping carnivorous tree roots(rubber garden hoses, in all honesty). Take this hopeless premise to further lows by putting it in unsteady hands of monolithic movie-making incompetence. Now, provide a cast of featureless thesps, and give the dire results of these efforts a misleading re-title which implies that it's a follow-up to something which in no possible way could have generated enough enthusiasm to merit such an endeavor. PRESTO! there you have it. Instant bad-movie gold.

I own a copy, and you should, too. 3.5/10

I saw the US version called Contamination .7 and .7 is all the stars it deserves. Unless you can give it a negative rating. This film is proof that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It is full of good intentions that go hellishly off point.

It disappoints in every way you can imagine, and in some ways that are actually novel. I especially liked the undramatic chase scenes with recycled shots to milk the drama that didn't happen.

The only way the acting could be worse would be if the actors were holding the scripts in hand in the scenes.

If you are really bored... or really like the pain of watching awful films, then this is your movie.

The movie is bad on its own, regardless of it being passed off as a sequel to other bad Troll movies. It has an odd feel because though it looks to be actually shot in pretty good United States Locations it is directed by an Italian or Italians and so the way English is spoken sounds foreign and the actors are, sorry to say, really bad. Unlike many of these Italian productions they didn't spend or didn't have money to drag any American name actors into the movie leaving us with what seems like a totally amateur cast.

This can be seen now under its original title and in HD on cable and that may be a hate crime against those who watch it but at least it's not pretended to be something it's not.

The "monster" in the movie is a bunch of not very convincing tree roots that actor struggle to pretend to fight with--usually to pretty unconvincing results. It tries a sort of Psycho plot set up which has a lousy and bloodless pay off. The gal in this segment is sort of appealing and very attractive in somewhat skimpy clothing--but don't expect any nudity from her. Most of the deaths are bloodless=cheaply done. Also the movie has no nudity and no style and not much sense.

There is some decent helicopter footage of actual wilderness and towards the end some nice bulldozers at night "attacking" the monster roots--though this sequence also features a funny Tonka Toy miniature that ruins that scene. Also the movie features a toy helicopter explosion.

A poorly made film that is barely pro level production, the acting and casting is really bad and so there is nothing to keep you going between badly done very stiff tentacle tree root attack scenes that come pretty few and far between.

I kind of enjoyed the freeze frame ending. Easily one of the most poorly made films of its era. Has some high=low lights but is for the most part a slow ride of filler material of family drama etc.

Music score is cheesy and dated and would have sounded just as cheesy and dated when the movie was new. There is one memorable scene between angry town people and evil corporate exec that almost makes this a must see for bad movie fans. The only person who should not feel bad about being involved in this movie is whoever was the location scout.