Danny DeVito credited as playing...
Bill Rago
- Bill Rago: All I know is, the choices we make dictate the life we lead. "To thine own self be true."
- Bill Rago: It says here that you're from Detroit. What part?
- Pvt. Roosevelt Nathaniel Hobbs: The part you drive through doing 85.
- Bill Rago: Been there.
- Bill Rago: Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm looking for the Army Education Center.
- [reads referral]
- Bill Rago: Captain Tom Murdoch.
- MP Directing Traffic: Captain Murdoch's not at the A.E.C. Captain Murdoch's at the A.R.C
- Bill Rago: [fumbling to write down directions] A.R.C., A.E.C.
- MP Directing Traffic: [Walks up to Rago] You lookin' for Captain Murdoch?
- Bill Rago: Yeah.
- MP Directing Traffic: The A.E.C. is building 2310. You want building 4475.
- Bill Rago: 447...
- MP Directing Traffic: Look, here's what you do. You go right here. Take another right at the P.X. Go half a click 'til you see the D.P.T.M. Center. Then take a left.
- Bill Rago: [writing furiously] P.M., P.X.
- MP Directing Traffic: If you hit the R.F.P.C., you've gone too far.
- [returns to post]
- Bill Rago: [reviewing notes] D.P.T.M., R.F.P.C.
- [pause]
- Bill Rago: Can I buy a vowel?
- [Bill writes "oxymoron" on the board]
- Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery: You can't say that. That is a diss. I ain't no ox moron.
- Bill Rago: No, no, no not ox moron, schmuck; oxymoron.
- Bill Rago: Now what's a Double D?
- Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery: The whole fort calls us Double Ds.
- Pvt. Donnie Benitez: Yeah - dumb as dog shit.
- [Talking about Shakespeare to the class]
- Bill Rago: He wrote plays. Plays...? You know, like TV without the box.
- Bill Rago: Hi. I'm Bill Rago. I've never taught before and you've never thought before. So good luck to all of us.
- Bill Rago: Write... why you're here.
- Pvt. Donnie Benitez: This is where they told us to be.
- Bill Rago: No, no. Write about the magical twist of fate that prompted you to gravitate towards this institute of imbeciles.
- Pvt. Jamaal Mongomerey: [confused] What?
- Bill Rago: [very nonchalantly] Write why you joined the Army.
- Bill Rago: Hamlet's mama, she's a queen.
- Soldiers: Hamlet's mama, she's a queen.
- Bill Rago: Buys it in the final scene.
- Soldiers: Buys it in the final scene.
- Bill Rago: Drinks a glass of funky wine.
- Soldiers: Drinks a glass of funky wine.
- Bill Rago: Now she's Satan's valentine.
- Soldiers: Now she's Satan's valentine.
- [Melvin is reading a passage from HAMLET in a monotone voice]
- Bill Rago: Melvin, read the rest of it when you come out of the coma.
- [reading Hamlet]
- Pvt. Jamaal Mongomerey: Bill, are you gonna translate this?
- Bill Rago: Why? It's in English.
- [Rago tells Leroy about Leon Battista Alberti, the archetypal "Renaissance Man."]
- Bill Rago: But you know what I remember most about him?
- Pvt. Jackson Leroy: No.
- Bill Rago: They said that he could stand, with his feet together like this, and spring straight over a man's head.
- Pvt. Jackson Leroy: [laughs] Really?
- Bill Rago: If Leon Battista Alberti couldn't have done that, I wouldn't have remembered a thing about him.
- Pvt. Jackson Leroy: So, wait... he was sort of like a smart jock, wasn't he?
- Bill Rago: That's right.
- Pvt. Jackson Leroy: Now there's an oxymoron, isn't it?
- Bill Rago: You got it.
- Florist: Hey, excuse me, sir. I'm lookin' for the base chapel
- Bill Rago: Base chapel?
- Florist: Yeah.
- Bill Rago: Go back around the curve 'til you reach the P.X. Ya hang a right. Ya come to that line A.P.C.s, ya turn left. Go half a click, ya come to the R.F.P.C. building. It's right around the back. Got it?
- Florist: [confused] Yeah.