Corinne Bohrer credited as playing...
Jeanie Humphrey
- Betty Skolnick: Hey. What's Trevor Gulf doing?
- Jeanie Humphrey: [startled] I-I think he's mooning us.
- Lewis Skolnick: That's no moon, thats the San Joquin valley
- [shouts, running at Trevor as people began to react off-screen]
- Lewis Skolnick: TREVOR, NO!
- Takashi: [takes photo of Trevor's mooning] Oh! Big Smile!
- Jeanie Humphrey: I love Booger! And I'm gonna marry him, no matter WHAT you say!
- Tippy: Jeanie!
- [to Aaron]
- Tippy: What did you say to her?
- Aaron Humphrey: Nothing, I just made a suggestion.
- Tippy: Oh, can't we all just get along?
- Aaron Humphrey: She comes up with a guy who looks like he came out of a vending machine and I'M the one who's wrong!
- Jeanie Humphrey: [to Heidi] You gave up what you wanted to tell the truth, I admire that quality in a person.
- Jeanie Humphrey: I'm sure my mother's just overwhelmed by the wedding and everything.
- Dudley Dawson: Oh, then you don't think it's because they hate my guts?
- Jeanie Humphrey: Booger, I love you!
- Dudley Dawson: Yeah, I know *you* do, but I'm not sure about your parents.
- Jeanie Humphrey: I love you, Booger.
- Dudley Dawson: Oh, I love you, too.
- Jeanie Humphrey: But marriage is about trust, no secrets from each other, remember?
- Dudley Dawson: I don't have any secrets.
- Jeanie Humphrey: Well, what about that child in Sandusky, Ohio?
- Dudley Dawson: I don't have a child in Sandusky, Ohio!
- Jeanie Humphrey: Well, why would Detective Penrod say that you did?
- Dudley Dawson: Well, I don't know! I don't even know who Detective Penrod is! I'm a condemned man and I don't have a child!
- Jeanie Humphrey: I believe you, Booger.
- Dudley Dawson: You do?
- Jeanie Humphrey: Yes, because marriage is about trust, and I trust you completely.
- [laughs]
- Dudley Dawson: All I know is that I love you and I think we should continue the wedding.
- Jeanie Humphrey: Oh Booger, I don't know what to do. I don't know - I tell you - what's wrong or right anymore.
- Dudley Dawson: I, uh... I know it's a day early, but... I'd like you to read my valentine.
- [Jeanie giggles]
- Dudley Dawson: Open it up.
- Jeanie Humphrey: [reads from the card] Ahem, "An empty spot was on my heart, until I met you, O Valentine. Then the spot filled in, my heart was whole, I could love for the first time in my life, now that you are going to become... my wife." Ah, the hell with my dad!
- Dudley Dawson: Oh, that's exactly what I hoped you'd say!
- [Jeanie starts laughing and lowing like a cow]
- Dudley Dawson: Again.
- [Jeanie continues to make a lowing sound]
- Dudley Dawson: Ho ho ho ho ho, oh I can't tell you what it does to me to hear you moo again! Moooo!
- Jeanie Humphrey: Oh, Booger!
- Dudley Dawson: Jeanie!
- [Booger and Jeanie share a joyous embrace while lowing and mooing]
- Lewis Skolnick: Now what was going on?
- Lamar: Well, Chip was crackin' on Booger's parents.
- Dudley Dawson: Crackin' on my parents?
- [pause]
- Dudley Dawson: What kind of cracks, Chip?
- Lewis Skolnick: [apprehensively] Booger.
- Unknown: Yeah, what kind?
- Lewis Skolnick: Booger, as your best man, I strongly advise you to just let it go.
- Dudley Dawson: I'm not going to let it go.
- Lewis Skolnick: On the other hand, I'm prepared to explore other avenues with you as well.
- Dudley Dawson: What kind of cracks, Chip?
- [Chip stammers nervously]
- Lamar: Chip said that your mama was so ugly, that the Elephant Man paid to see her.
- [Ogre laughs out loud, then silences himself]
- Chip: The point is, you have a 12-year old daughter in Sandusky, Ohio!
- Dudley Dawson: This has nothing to do with my having a child in Sandusky, Ohio. That isn't what this is about at all.
- [pause]
- Dudley Dawson: This is because I'm a nerd...
- [the crowd gasps]
- Dudley Dawson: and it has been since the beginning.
- Lamar: Mm-hmm.
- Dudley Dawson: Why else would someone rummage through my private life with a detective? And then, announce this... detestable fabrication, this - this tissue of lies on the happiest day of my life?
- Jeanie Humphrey: Oh, Booger.
- Dudley Dawson: Hath not a nerd eyes? When you prick us, do we not bleed? I am tired of the reckless allegations, the snide snickering, the talking behind backs, the sly innuendoes, the looking down on us! We are what we are, aren't we?
- Everybody: Yeah, we are!
- Dudley Dawson: And we're proud of what we are.
- Everybody: Yeah, we are!
- Dudley Dawson: And we are not about to allow ourselves to be intimidated by a bunch of...
- Lewis Skolnick: Booger! Don't say it!
- Ogre: Say it, Booger!
- Dudley Dawson: Nouveau-riche pigs!
- Ogre: There you go!
- Aaron Humphrey: You have... the audacity... to utter... the most... morally reprehensible slur to these... fine, upstanding... self-made businesspeople! Shame on you, Booger! Shame on all of you nerds.
- Lewis Skolnick: Booger, every wedding has its crisis, this is yours.
- Dudley Dawson: A crisis would be easy compared to this.
- [looks up to the balcony]
- Dudley Dawson: Jeanie!
- Jeanie Humphrey: [sadly] Oh, Booger.
- Lewis Skolnick: [Jeanie goes back into her bedroom] Booger, the groom never stops pursuing his bride.
- [Lewis puts his arm around Betty]
- Lewis Skolnick: Never.
- Jeanie Humphrey: [uses the pond scooper as a pole vault, and grunts as he climbs Jeanie's balcony rail] Booger.
- Dudley Dawson: Darling! Whoa!
- [Booger stumbles over the balcony rail]
- Dudley Dawson: So what if I have a child?
- Jeanie Humphrey: I'm so confused, you know, I don't know what to think anymore!
- Dudley Dawson: Oh, marry me, Jeanie!
- Jeanie Humphrey: I- I just need a few days to think about it.
- Dudley Dawson: And not get married on Valentine's Day?
- Jeanie Humphrey: I'm confused, Booger, I need time!
- Dudley Dawson: There was a time when getting married on Valentine's Day was... the most important thing in the world to us.
- Jeanie Humphrey: [sighs] Please go, Booger.
- Dudley Dawson: Is that what you really want?
- Jeanie Humphrey: [fighting back the tears] No,not in my heart and... not in my soul, but I'm just so nuts over this, you know. It's like I just need a little space... Please, Booger?
- Dudley Dawson: [Booger gives a rose to Jeanie, starts to sing softly] Jean, Jean / The roses are red /
- Jeanie Humphrey: [starts singing] All the leaves have gone green /
- Dudley Dawson: And the skies are so low /
- Jeanie Humphrey: You can touch them / And so /
- Dudley Dawson, Jeanie Humphrey: Come into my arms / Bonnie Jean.
- [Booger and Jeanie briefly embrace, falling back onto the bed, giggling]
- Jeanie Humphrey: [goes to the balcony] It's on!
- Lewis Skolnick, Betty Skolnick: What's on?
- Jeanie Humphrey: The wedding! Whoo-hoo!
- [Jeanie tosses a rose down from the balcony]
- Dudley Dawson: Hey, hey, hey, don't go.
- Jeanie Humphrey: [Heidi sighs] What would you say if I said we should adopt Heidi?
- Dudley Dawson: I would say that I love you even more than I already do, and I didn't think that was possible.
- Jeanie Humphrey: [to Heidi] You gave up what you wanted to tell the truth, I really admire that quality in a person.
- [Heidi, Dudley,and Jeanie have a group hug]
- Mr. Skolnick: I see before me two souls who desire to be joined together. There's no greater challenge in life, and also no greater reward.
- Mr. Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick guffaws; U.N. Jefferson, Ogre, and Travis cry for joy] Do you, Dudley Dawson, take this woman, Jean Lagarde Humphrey, to be your lawful wife?
- Dudley Dawson: [to Jean] Before I answer that, I just want to say... this is the happiest moment of my life.
- Dudley Dawson: [faces Mr. Skolnick] I do.
- Mr. Skolnick: And do you, Jean Lagarde Humphrey, take this man, Dudley Dawson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
- Jeanie Humphrey: Excuse me.
- [Jeanie turns to Dudley]
- Jeanie Humphrey: I'm going to love you till the end of time.
- [faces Mr. Skolnick]
- Jeanie Humphrey: I do.
- Mr. Skolnick: Then, with the power invested in me by the Tilhoon Institute of Home Learning Church, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
- [Mr. Skolnick guffaws; the wedding guests applaud]
- Mylan Whitfield: [Dudley and Jeanie have a celebratory kiss] Nerds forever! Forever nerds!
- [Mylan stands up]
- Mylan Whitfield: Nerds! Nerds!
- Mylan Whitfield, Everybody: Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!