Brian Tochi credited as playing...
Takashi
- Lewis Skolnick: Harold where're you going?
- Lamar: I don't know but I'd guess over to Lois.
- Takashi: Are you scoing, Harold?
- Harold: Well I wouldn't tell you if I was. But I'll guarantee you this much, I ain't going over there for breakfast!
- Betty Skolnick: Hey. What's Trevor Gulf doing?
- Jeanie Humphrey: [startled] I-I think he's mooning us.
- Lewis Skolnick: That's no moon, thats the San Joquin valley
- [shouts, running at Trevor as people began to react off-screen]
- Lewis Skolnick: TREVOR, NO!
- Takashi: [takes photo of Trevor's mooning] Oh! Big Smile!
- Takashi: The bishop has a kidney stone, he no make it to wedding!
- Dudley Dawson: How am I supposed to get married without a clergyman?
- Mr. Skolnick: I could marry you.
- Dudley Dawson: But I don't love you.
- Takashi: Hey everybody, everybody! Booger's parents are here! Mr. and Mrs. Booger, Mr. and Mrs. Booger!
- [applause]
- Dudley Dawson: Mom? Dad!
- Chip: They look like they just fell off a pickle truck.
- Gaylord: [slaps Chip] Chip!
- Chip: Ow!
- Dudley Dawson: Folks, everybody, excuse me, these are my parents.
- Everybody: Oh!
- Betty Skolnick: We're so glad that you're here, Mr. and Mrs. Dawson.
- [applause]
- Dudley Dawson: I am flabbergasted. We would both like to thank all of you from the bottom of our hearts for this... wonderful shower you're throwing us.
- Lewis Skolnick: It's probably the first shower he's ever had.
- [guffaws]
- Mr. Dawson: No, he showered regularly: every other night in the summer, and weekly in the winter.
- [more guffaws]
- Dudley Dawson: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to jump off the dock!
- Ogre: Yeah!
- [applause]
- Lewis Skolnick: Okay, all right, anybody who feels that Booger could have had an illegitimate child in Sandusky, Ohio, raise your right hands.
- [Most of the Tri-Lambdas raise their hands at first, followed by Ogre and Betty]
- Lewis Skolnick: Opposed?
- Betty Skolnick: You don't think it's possible?
- Lewis Skolnick: No, I do not; Booger may be Booger, but he always took precautions.
- Lamar: That is right, he always did wear condoms.
- Takashi: Ohh, condoms!
- Lamar: Mm-hmm.
- Trevor Gulf: So, he couldn't have a child.
- Lewis Skolnick: No way.
- Takashi: Oh boy, that was one heck of a stag party last night, Lewis.
- Mr. Dawson: I know I'll never forget it.
- Trevor Gulf: I especially enjoyed your dance with the woman who removed her clothes, Mr. Booger.
- Lewis Skolnick: Trevor, there's a code of silence about what goes on at a stag party.
- Trevor Gulf: Code of silence?
- Lewis Skolnick: So reveal nothing, even if you're under hours of interrogation and torture.
- Ogre: Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me.
- [chuckles]
- Ogre: Uh, who aren't I supposed to tell?
- Lewis Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick's car pulls into the driveway] Dad!
- Dudley Dawson: U.N.!
- Mr. Skolnick: [Mr. Skolnick and U.N. get out of the car] Hey, how are you?
- U. N. Jefferson: [Lewis hugs his dad, U.N. shakes hands with Booger] Congratulations, Booger, congratulations!
- Dudley Dawson: Thank you.
- U. N. Jefferson: I wouldn't miss a nerd wedding for the world.
- U. N. Jefferson: [greets Lewis, Mr. Skolnick greets Booger] How are you?
- Mr. Skolnick: How's my unborn grandson?
- Lewis Skolnick: You mean your unborn fetal son?
- [Lewis and his dad guffaw together]
- Takashi: Emergency! Excuse please, the bishop has a kidney stone, he no make it to wedding!
- Dudley Dawson: What? How am I supposed to get married without a clergyman?
- Mr. Skolnick: I can marry you.
- Dudley Dawson: But I don't love you.
- Mr. Skolnick: Oh- No, no, I took a correspondence course, I'm a fully ordained Tilhoonian minister.
- U. N. Jefferson: You are?
- Mr. Skolnick: U.N.
- [Takashi, Booger, Lewis and his dad all guffaw together, while U.N. Jefferson stands quietly surprised, not getting the pun]
- Trevor Gulf: [side by side rooms at the motel] Goodnight, Mr. Ogre.
- Ogre: Goodnight, Trevor.
- Takashi: Goodnight Lamar.
- Lamar: Goodnight, Takashi.
- Judy: Goodnight, Stan.
- Stan Gable: Goodnight, Judy.