Mary McDonnell credited as playing...
- Dot: Oh, it's you, Mother.
- Alice: No, dear, it's Madonna. Late 30s are hard on Italian women.
- Dot: You know, Mother, it's good to see that age hasn't slowed down your sarcasm, regardless of what it's done to your body.
- Alice: If I were a vain woman, I'd resent you for that. Fortunately for me, I'm a spiteful one!
- Dot: I haven't slept in days.
- Ellie: I can top that. I haven't slept WITH anyone in days. I feel miserable!
- Ellie: Picture this: It's a couple of months from now, Tippy Von Schlagger opens her new copy of Dazzle Magazine and guess what she sees?
- Dot Emerson: A picture of Michael Jackson and George Hamilton passing each other on the color wheel?
- Dot: Oh, hello mother. What do you want?
- Alice: A time machine set for the night you were conceived and any form of birth control!
- Dot: What's the matter, mother, wake up on the wrong side of the bedpan?
- Alice: Oh, good one! Kiss your mother.
- Dot: Gladly. Can you track her down, though?
- Ellie Walker: I may be cruel, vindictive, and sarcastic, but I do have a heart!
- Dot Emerson: ...and a portion of your liver!
- Dot Emerson: Ellie has more scenes than a Robert Altman film!
- Dot Emerson: You are the kindest, sweetest woman I know. Of course, if someone were having a seizure in your bathtub, you'd throw in you laundry!
- Dot Emerson: Oh, Zsa Zsa called again. She's threatening to write a tell all book about her love life, wants us to publish it. What'd you say?
- Steffano: Same as last time, "we don't do the science fiction."
- Dot: [referring to a statement by Val] She has a point...
- Ellie: ...and her hair covers it nicely.
