Paul Rudd credited as playing...
- Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
- Josh: How about sterilization?
- Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
- Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
- Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.
- Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
- Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
- Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
- Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
- Lucy: [storms off]
- Cher: Great, what was that all about?
- Josh: Lucy's from El Salvador.
- Cher: So?
- Josh: So, it's an entirely different country.
- Cher: What does that matter?
- Josh: You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.
- Josh: You want to practice parking?
- Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.
- Josh: Do you have any idea what you're talking about?
- Cher: No. Why, does it sound like I do?
- Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking.
- Cher: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
- Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played.
- Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
- Cher: I have direction!
- Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.
- Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
- Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Why don't you just hire a gardener?
- Josh: You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause - make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is...
- Cher: Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.
- Josh: Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.
- Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.
- Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
- Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
- Josh: I think I'd really like to check out Environmental Law.
- Mel: Why? You want to have a miserable, frustrating life?
- Cher: Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.
- Mel: At least he knows what he's doing. And he's in a good college. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.
- Cher: I have direction.
- Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.
- Cher: You are such a brown-noser.
- Josh: Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?
- Cher: The fact that I've done it every other semester.
- Josh: [while watching news about a war in Bosnia] You look confused.
- Cher: Well, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East.
- Mel: Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter.
- Josh: I don't think so.
- Mel: Doesn't he look bigger?
- Cher: His head does.
- Cher: Sporadically. It means once in a while. Try to use it in a sentence.
- Josh: [later] Be seeing you.
- Tai: Yeah, I hope not sporadically.
- Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
- Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?
- Josh: Wow, you're fillin' out there.
- Cher: Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth.
- Josh: Hey, just because my mother marries someone else, doesn't mean he's my father.
- Cher: Actually, Kato, that's exactly what it means.
- Josh: So you don't want to make a night of it with the Ring a Ding Kid?
- Cher: Hey, granola breath, you got something on your chin.
- Josh: l'm growing a goatee.
- Cher: Well, that's good. You don't wanna be the last one at the coffee house without chin pubes.
- Cher: It was really decent of you to dance with Tai tonight.
- Josh: My pleasure.
- Cher: Did you notice any positive changes in her?
- Josh: Yeah. Under your tutelage, she's exploring the challenging world of bare midriffs.
