Tom Lester: Cousin Jake

Gordy

Cousin Jake

[last lines]
Cousin Jake: Meadowbrook farm. I guess we'll be saying goodbye.
Hanky Royce: Do we have to go, mom? Now that we've given Gordy his farm, he's inviting us to stay. Can't we, mom? Please?
Gordy: Please stay. There's nothing better than a happy family. Come on, say yes.
Luke MacAllister: If you say yes, I'll sure say yes.
Jessica Royce: Yes.
[Luke and Jessica kiss]

Cousin Jake: Shoot, Luke! Jinnie Sue ain't got no family life like other kids. She needs a pet.
Luke MacAllister: Well, why did she have to pick a pig?
Cousin Jake: 'Cause pigs are intelligent animals, and this one is real smart. Boy, I bet his I.Q. is as high as mine!
Luke MacAllister: Poor thing!
Cousin Jake: Come on, Luke. Let her keep him. We can use a mascot.
Luke MacAllister: I gotta admit. He's the best looking member of the band.

Cousin Jake: Well, you sure have come up for the world, Mr. Hero Pig. We've been seeing your smilin' face all over the map.
Luke MacAllister: What are you doing out here all alone?
Hanky Royce: We're heading north looking for Gordy's folks.
Gordy: Hanky's grandpa says you should always do what's right.
Cousin Jake: That's right, Hanky. Always mind your grandpa.
Hanky Royce: Hey, Cousin Jake, you understand piggy talk.
Cousin Jake: I kinda guess at what he's oinking.
Gordy: It's hard to tell if Cousin Jake's pure in heart or simple minded.

Cousin Jake: [On the phone in front of the audience] Hello, this is Cousin Jake.
President Clinton: Hey there, Cousin Jake. This is the president calling from the oval office. Hillary and I heard about Gordy day there in Branson and we want to join in the celebrations.
Cousin Jake: Yes, sir, Mr. President. Just a minute. Gordy's right here.
[hands phone over to Gordy. He speaks through the phone speaking piggy talk. Audience laughs]
Cousin Jake: I'm sorry, Mr. President. He's speaking piggy talk.
President Clinton: I understand him fine, Jake. By the way, Gordy, we have surprise for you.
[Jake raises the phone toward the audience]
President Clinton: On behalf of the American people, it gives me great pleasure to unveil in your honor your very own postage stamp.
[postage stamp lowers. Cousin Jake hands microphone to Hanky]
Hanky Royce: Gordy says it's an honor, Mr. President. Thank you, sir.
President Clinton: First lady joins me and say good luck, God bless and so long for now.
Cousin Jake: So long, Mr. President.
[hangs up]

Jessica Royce: Wait, I remember your grandpa once told me that we own a processing plant in Omaha.
Hanky Royce: You mean a sausage factory?
Gilbert Sipes: I think you're mistaken, Jessica. There is no such plant. Mr. Brinks has the inventory sheet.
[to Brinks]
Gilbert Sipes: Show them.
Cousin Jake: What about this?
[takes folder from Brinks and hands it to Jessica]
Jessica Royce: [Looking at folder] Royce processing plant. 6 Colfax St. Omaha.
[Gilbert takes folder from her hands]
Jessica Royce: What are you doing?
Gilbert Sipes: This has nothing to do with Hanky's inheritance.

Cousin Jake: [to Gilbert] You don't have to raise your voice in front of the youngin'!