Hourglass

When you think of vanity projects you probably think of the more high profile failings of Warren Beatty and other big stars who had that project stashed away for when they had more power. You probably wouldn't think of some 1980's brat-packer's movie that he made with some friends. But that's what hourglass is - a terrible vanity project that you watch and wonder how it got made. C Thomas Howell writes, stars and directs in a story of a fashion magnate who finds himself seduced and intrigued by a mysterious woman (a cute Sofia Shinas) while his business stutters and his friends and colleagues are murdered. This is meant to be some sort of follow-up to the Hitcher - I don't really see how, and it isn't anywhere near the quality of that movie.

The blame for this mess must rest with Howell himself. First his acting is terrible and his character is one dimensional and unpleasant - are we meant to feel anything for this guy? I felt that whatever happened to him couldn't be more than he deserved!

Secondly; he wrote the story. A plot that is so weak that the film is padded out with scenes that have no meaning or place - a squash game, meetings, a drive in the country, buying condoms! Even scenes that do fit in with the story are often stretched out to fill time or include some of his mates (Carrot Top, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips).

Finally he directed it. Ever made a home movie with a cheap video camera? Then you are probably as good a director as Howell. The camera jogs around in a grainy fashion, or a POV setting or a realistic follow the action setting...and they're all badly done. The end result looks like a mix between a student film, a 1970's drug movie and a soft core porn movie.

The film has no action, no point, no surprises, nobody to like and nothing to care about. This sort of stuff should not be allowed to exist. The most terrifying thing about this "thriller" is the fact that the end is left open for a sequel - did Howell write this thinking that anyone would care enough about this stuff to watch another movie!?

Please avoid this garbage like it had big teeth.

C Thomas "Ponyboy" Howell starred in this, wrote it, directed it, and who knows what else. The question is why?

Although the movie is not that long (thankfully), it manages to eat up several unprecious minutes on a racquetball game, the outcome of which has no bearing on the plot or character development. (Just as well, because we can't really see how they're doing). Killed a few more minutes watching all four drives on a golf hole. Killed a few more with some psycho martial-arts lesbians beating up Ponyboy.

Plot? You bet. Let's see, kickboxing lesbians plot to take over fashion company and have sex on top of people on life support. Or something like that. Suffice it to say it won't be confused with "The Magnificent Ambersons" any time soon.

In addition to the other obvious problems, the movie also features cameos by "Carrot Top" and Donny Most. Mercifully, Potsie and Danny Bonaduce did not appear, but may be lined up for the sequel. (The movie ends with the promise of further adventures ......... I'm on pins and needles.)

Hourglass is a great movie! I loved it! C. is a great actor and writer. I hope he never stops writing or acting he's way too good to quit. All you's peeps out there readin' this buy da movie rent it, borrow it whatever just see it you won't regret it. Even if you don't like it's only ones opinion.

Fashion magnate Michael Jardine (C. Thomas Howell) discovers his wife's dead body. Thus, begins Michael's journey into a nightmare world of darkness and death.

Or, something like that.

We're also shown a nightmare world of the fashions, exercise crazes, and music of the 1990's! A world where a beautiful woman (Sofia Shinas) simply appears in Michael's life, and Ed Begley Jr. Plays a cop.

HOURGLASS is what could be called an erratic erotic thriller. Howell and Shinas do have a certain chemistry, in the same way that jumbo burritos and beer generate a certain chemistry when voraciously indulged in.

The story is disjointed and absurd. It could / should have been a schlock classic like TROLL 2, but its boredom factor is far too high, relegating it to the toilet-raft section. This is very sad. After all, how many movies feature cameos by both Carrot Top AND Don(ny) "Ralph Malph" Most?!

I rest my case...

Beautiful, smart, dangerous, ruthless, tai-chi practicing Sophia Shinas is pretty much the only bright spot of this dud. For the story to have any chance of being less than absolutely ludicrous, we have to believe that the male lead can clearly see that the right thing to do is run away from this woman, but he is unable to do so because she is simply irresistible. And thanks to Shinas' presence, we believe it. The rest of the movie though....C. Thomas Howell is bland until maybe the last 5 minutes, and the plot couldn't be any more predictable. And don't be deceived by some famous names mentioned on the video box (Kiefer Sutherland, Timothy Bottoms, Lou Diamond Phillips), they all have essentially cameos. (*1/2)