Ray Liotta credited as playing...
Capt. T.C. Doyle
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Does anybody else here know how to work an elephant?
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: I was in love with a fat woman once, but she never listened to me.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: [upset about their situation on the boat] I should be on a top secret mission with crack commandos but instead, I'm in an episode of McHale's Navy starring Dumbo, Mr. French, and the Three Stooges!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: You slept with the wife of General "Kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-them-out" Richardson?
- David Poole: I thought it was his daughter.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Oh yeah, he would've been fine with that.
- Capt. Sam Cahill: What if the NVA isn't the first to come along here? What if it's a bunch of school children walking home? Did you ever think about that? No! Why? Because guys like you don't think things through!
- [pokes Doyle in the forehead]
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Me? What about you? You've got six people and an elephant risking their lives so that you can go home with a clear conscience. You're afraid that when you're standing up on that rooftop with your brother in Fort Lauderdale, looking back over your sparkling military career, you're not gonna like what you see! So you want to do one good thing before you go, which is great! But your one good thing isn't pulling a kid out of a burning building, or diving on a grenade, it's THIS! And because it's THIS, it involves us! But you didn't think about that, did you? NO! Why? Because guys like you don't think things through!
- [slaps Cahill on the head]
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: [to Cahill, after the ceremony with Botat] When you're standing on a roof with your brother in Fort Lauderdale, I think you're really gonna enjoy the view.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Poole? Can you get me some more of that water buffalo tranquilizer?
- David Poole: Really enjoyed that, didn't you Doyle? Linh was right, you ARE weird.
- Y B'ham: [about Linh] Boy have no family. All killed.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: You mean in the war?
- Y B'ham: No, hit by falling star... Yes, in war.
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: [into radio] Request fire mission and expedite. Target coordinates Bravo-Romeo seven-four-five-six-five-seven-two-niner. Fire one marking round.
- [as Quang watches through his binoculars, a shell lands just aft of the Marie Antoinette. His crew laughs at the Americans' incompetence]
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: Barney, that was perfect, man!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: No, it wasn't perfect, it almost hit us! Give him the coordinates...!
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: Captain, we're moving! Those coordinates should be perfect, right about...
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Better be right...
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: [into radio] Fire for effect!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Better be right...
- Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: Now.
- [Quang looks through his binoculars again, and sees the Americans laughing and waving goodbye]
- Lt. Quang, NVA: GET OFF THE BOAT!
- [His crew stop laughing and dive overboard just before a shell blows it out of the water]
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Poole, where are you going?
- David Poole: Saigon!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Get back here!
- Capt. Sam Cahill: Poole, do you want me to call General Richardson?
- David Poole: [turns around] Yeah, Cahill! Yeah, I do! Call General Richardson!I'll get him on the phone for you right now! Because I am sick and tired...
- [He fumbles with his radio set, then just drops it]
- David Poole: That's it! I've had it! I was on a plane that almost crashed, I came this close to being killed by an angry mob, and now look at my uniform! It's covered in elephant crap! So you really think I give a damn whether or not you call General Richardson, and tell him I slept with his wife, huh?
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: [about the water buffalo tranquilizer] Well, how are we gonna get her to swallow one of these?
- David Poole: Well, she's not supposed to... swallow it.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Oh, no...
- Capt. Sam Cahill: [laughs and pushes the pillbox into Poole's hands] Well, Dr. David Poole...
- David Poole: Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I said I would help you guys out, but putting my hand up an elephant's ass was never part of the deal.
- Capt. Sam Cahill: On three.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: [whispering] Oh, no... please, please, please...
- [louder]
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: What do you got?
- Capt. Sam Cahill: Evens.
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Okay.
- [They shoot for it, and Doyle loses. Poole smirks and hands him the pillbox]
- Goddard: Would anyone like some wine?
- David Poole, Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: Yeah!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: Wine? No! What is this, the opening of an art gallery? The Green Beret motto is "Live Free or Die!" not "Eat, Drink and Be Merry!"
- Capt. Sam Cahill: [as Goddard uncorks a jug] Yeah, now it is!
- Capt. T.C. Doyle: [skyward] What did I do? What did I do?