Tim Allen credited as playing...
Buzz Lightyear
- Buzz: [Woody, scared, walks backwards and he gets startled by Buzz. Buzz keeps talking to his "mission log"] And according to my navi-computer, the...
- Woody: [whispers] SHUT UP! Just shut up, you idiot!
- Buzz: Sheriff, this is no time to panic.
- Woody: This is a perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days, and it's all your fault!
- Buzz: My-my fault? If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
- Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, if *you* hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...!
- Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of *you*, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
- Woody: WHAT? What are you talkin' about?
- Buzz: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And *you*, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
- Woody: [pause, then screams] YOU - ARE - A... *TOY*! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear, you're... you're, you're an action figure!
- [holds hand up to eyes indicating something small]
- Woody: *You* are a child's *plaything*!
- Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
- Buzz: [waves in military fashion] Farewell.
- [starts to walk away]
- Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony!
- Woody: [walks off grumbling sarcastically] "Rendezvous with Star Command".
- Woody: [whispering to Buzz from inside the Milk-crate, which he can't get out of since Sid placed a Toolbox on top of it] Psst! Hey Buzz!
- [No response. Woody throws a washer against Buzz' visor. Buzz slowly looks over]
- Woody: Hey! Get over here and see if you can get this toolbox off me!
- [Buzz looks away]
- Woody: Oh, come on Buzz. I can't do this without you. I need your help.
- Buzz: I can't help. I can't help anyone.
- Woody: Why sure you can, Buzz. You can get me out of here and then I'll get that rocket off you, and we'll make a break for Andy's house.
- Buzz: Andy's house. Sid's house. What's the difference?
- Woody: Buzz, you've had a big fall. You must not be thinking clearly!
- Buzz: No, Woody. For the first time, I *am* thinking clearly. You were right all along. I'm not a Space Ranger. I'm just a toy. A stupid, little, insignificant toy.
- Woody: Wait a minute. Being a toy is a lot better than being a Space Ranger.
- Buzz: Yeah, right.
- Woody: Not, it is!
- [points through the window to Andy's room]
- Woody: Look, over there in that house is a kid who thinks you are the greatest, and it's not because you're a Space Ranger, pal, it's because you're a toy. You are his toy!
- Buzz: [Buzz looks at his plastic parts and fake control panel] But why would Andy want me?
- Woody: [sighs] Why would Andy want you? Look at you! You're a Buzz Lightyear! Any other toy would give up his moving parts just to be you. You've got wings, you glow in the dark, you talk, your helmet does that... that whoosh thing. You're a cool toy. As a matter of fact, you're too cool. I mean - what chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure. All I can do is this.
- [pulls his Pull String]
- Woody: [voice box] There's a snake in my boot!
- Woody: Why would Andy ever wanna play me me, when he's got you? I'm the one that should be strapped to that rocket.
- [Woody leans against the milk-crate, and Buzz looks at the sole of his foot with Andy's name printed on. He glances back at Woody with a look of determination across his face from the words Woody gave to him]
- [the toys are meeting Buzz for the first time]
- Hamm: So where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
- Buzz: Well, no. Actually, I-I'm-- I'm stationed up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four.
- [as Buzz speaks, Woody looks down at the cardboard box and finds that everything that Buzz is saying is from the back of the box]
- Buzz: As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion... from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
- Mr. Potato Head: [nonplussed] Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
- Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leveraged buyout.
- Buzz: What's going on?
- Woody: Nothing that concerns you space man, just us toys.
- Buzz: I'd better have a look anyway.
- [he looks through Lenny the binoculars]
- Buzz: Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?
- Woody: [moves Lenny] That's why. Sid.
- Buzz: [seeing a dog] Sure is a hairy fella...
- Woody: [re-moving the binoculars] No, no, that's Scud, you idiot. *That* is Sid.
- Buzz: [Sid is laughing maniacally] You mean that happy child?
- Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!
- Rex: He tortures toys - just for fun!
- [last lines]
- Woody: Buzz? Buzz Lightyear? You're not worried, are you?
- Buzz: Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you?
- [camera pulls slowly back]
- Woody: Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
- Andy: [from downstairs] Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy!
- [camera suddenly pushes back in]
- Woody, Buzz: Heh, heh!
- Woody: Buzz. Hey. Buzz, are you okay?
- [Buzz is dressed in girl doll clothes]
- Buzz: [in a drunken stupor while imitating the narrator from A Christmas Story] Gone! It's all gone. All of it's gone. Bye-bye. Whoo-woo. See ya.
- Woody: [in a concerned tone] What happened to you?
- Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy. And suddenly you find yourself suckin' down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister
- [two dolls that are missing their heads wave at Woody]
- Woody: [thinks Buzz has gone crazy] I think you've had enough tea for today. Let's get you out of here, Buzz...
- Buzz: Don't ya get it?
- [points to a doll's hat on his helmet]
- Buzz: You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nes-bitt!
- Woody: [Imitating Cher from Moonstruck] Snap out of it, Buzz!
- [opens Buzz's visor, slaps Buzz across the face with his detached arm, then closes the helmet]
- Buzz: [calmly] I-I-I'm, I'm sorry, I am just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this.
- [breaks down again]
- Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham!
- Woody: Shh!
- Buzz: Look at me.
- Woody: Quiet, Buzz.
- Buzz: I can't even fly out of a window. The hat looked good? Tell me the hat looked good. The apron is a bit much.
- [the open window gives Woody an idea]
- Woody: "Out the window"! Buzz, you're a genius! Come on, come on. This way.
- [He grabs a set of lights and drags Buzz]
- Buzz: Years of academy, training, wasted!
- Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
- Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
- Buzz: Excuse me.
- Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
- Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
- Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic; he can't fly.
- Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
- Woody: No, you can't.
- Buzz: [sighs] Yes, I can.
- Woody: Can't.
- Buzz: Can.
- Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!
- Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
- Woody: Okay, Mr. Light Beer, prove it.
- Buzz: All right then, I will. Stand back, everyone.
- Woody: [running towards Buzz in a mocking sort of manner] Buzz! Oh, Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness! We've got trouble!
- Buzz: Trouble? Where?
- Woody: Down there. Just down there. A helpless toy! It's - It's trapped, Buzz!
- Buzz: Then we've no time to lose.
- [Buzz jumps over to the side of the desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]
- Buzz: I don't see anything!
- Woody: Uh, he's there. Just - Just keep looking.
- [Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]
- Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the windowsill, but the globe strikes Andy's folding-arm desk lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]
- Hamm, Mr. Potato Head: [stop their card game, and run over to the window in panic] BUZZ!
- Woody: Buzz!
- [Buzz flies into the bushes nearby and disappears]
- Slinky Dog: [the rest of Andy's toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.
- [Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]
- Buzz: Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere...
- Woody: [sneaks up on Buzz] Hello-o-o!
- Buzz: HO-YAH!
- [Woody screams. Buzz fires his "laser" at Woody]
- Woody: Hey hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Woody... and this... is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here.
- Buzz: [sees Woody's "Sheriff" star badge] Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
- Woody: Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
- Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
- Woody: Well, let's see, we got double-A's.
- Woody: [after Buzz thinks that the air is toxic] You actually think you're THE Buzz Lightyear? Oh, all this time I thought it was an act!
- [to the rest of the toys]
- Woody: Hey, guys, look! It's the *real* Buzz Lightyear!
- Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?
- Woody: Oh no, no no no, no...
- [suddenly points behind Buzz]
- Woody: BUZZ, LOOK, AN ALIEN!
- Buzz: [looks] Where?
- [Woody doubles over with guffaws until we hear Sid's voice from an open window]
- Buzz: This is an intergalactic emergency. I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12. Who's in charge here?
- All Aliens: [pointing up] The clawwwwwwwww!
- Alien #1: The claw is our master.
- Alien #2: The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.
- Woody: This is ludicrous.
- Woody: Listen, Lightsnack. You stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me.
- Buzz: What are you talking about? Where's that bonding strip?
- [slides under his ship with a skateboard]
- Woody: [pulls him back out] And another thing, *stop* with this *spaceman* thing! It's getting on my nerves.
- Buzz: Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command?
- Woody: Oh-ho! O-okay, ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?
- Buzz: [gets out from under his ship] Don't even think about it, cowboy.
- Woody: Oh yeah, tough guy?
- [pushes Buzz' round red button and opens his visor. Buzz chokes the "Toxic Air" around him. Woody looks around, unsure how to react]
- Buzz: [sniffs] The air isn't toxic?
- [gets up and points accusingly at Woody]
- Buzz: How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!
- [closes his visor]