John Ratzenberger credited as playing...
Hamm
- Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?
- Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...
- [sighs in frustration]
- Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.
- Hamm: What's with him?
- Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.
- [Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
- Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
- Hamm: I don't get it.
- Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?
- [the toys are meeting Buzz for the first time]
- Hamm: So where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
- Buzz: Well, no. Actually, I-I'm-- I'm stationed up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four.
- [as Buzz speaks, Woody looks down at the cardboard box and finds that everything that Buzz is saying is from the back of the box]
- Buzz: As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion... from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
- Mr. Potato Head: [nonplussed] Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
- Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leveraged buyout.
- Mr. Potato Head: [noticing Woody calling from Sid's house] Son of a building block! It's Woody!
- Hamm: He's in the psycho's bedroom!
- Bo Peep: Woody?
- Woody: Boy, am I glad to see you guys!
- Slinky Dog: I knew you'd come back!
- Bo Peep: What are you doing over there?
- Woody: It's a long story, I'll explain later. Here! Catch this!
- [Woody throws a string of Christmas lights across to Andy's window, which Slinky grabs successfully]
- Slinky Dog: I got it!
- Woody: Good going Slink! Now tie it onto something!
- Mr. Potato Head: Wait, I have a better idea! How about we don't?
- [snatches the lights off Slinky]
- Slinky Dog: Hey!
- Bo Peep: Potato Head!
- Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take those Stupid Pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?
- [the other toys shake their head]
- Mr. Potato Head: And now you wanna let him back over here?
- Woody: No, no. You got it all wrong Potato Head. Buzz is fine. Buzz is right here. He's with me.
- Mr. Potato Head: You are a liar!
- Woody: No i'm not!
- [calling to Buzz]
- Woody: Buzz, come over here and tell the nice toy's that you're not dead!
- [Buzz sits on the floor of Sid's Room, peeling off the sticker of his wrist communicator]
- Woody: Just a sec.
- Woody: [walks back into Sid's room and calls over to Buzz] Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?
- [Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]
- Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!
- Slinky Dog: [after Buzz gets knocked out the window and lands into the bushes nearby] Hey guys, RC's trying to tell us something.
- Rex: What is it Boy?
- R.C. the Race Car: [RC whirrs his wheels]
- Mr. Potato Head: He's saying that this is *no* accident!
- Bo Peep: What do you mean?
- Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed, by Woody!
- [the toys all stare at Woody in shock]
- Woody: Wait a minute, You don't think I even meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?
- Mr. Potato Head: That's Mr. Potato Head to *you* you backstabbing murderer!
- Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.
- Slinky Dog: We believe ya, Woody. Right, Rex?
- Rex: [nervously] Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!
- Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Buzz cutting on your playtime, could you Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz might be Andy's *new* favourite toy. So you got rid of him. Well what if Andy starts playing with *me* more Woody, huh? You gonna knock me out the window too?
- Hamm: I don't think we should give him the chance.
- Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
- Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
- Buzz: Excuse me.
- Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
- Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
- Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic; he can't fly.
- Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
- Woody: No, you can't.
- Buzz: [sighs] Yes, I can.
- Woody: Can't.
- Buzz: Can.
- Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!
- Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
- Woody: Okay, Mr. Light Beer, prove it.
- Buzz: All right then, I will. Stand back, everyone.
- Woody: [running towards Buzz in a mocking sort of manner] Buzz! Oh, Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness! We've got trouble!
- Buzz: Trouble? Where?
- Woody: Down there. Just down there. A helpless toy! It's - It's trapped, Buzz!
- Buzz: Then we've no time to lose.
- [Buzz jumps over to the side of the desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]
- Buzz: I don't see anything!
- Woody: Uh, he's there. Just - Just keep looking.
- [Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]
- Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the windowsill, but the globe strikes Andy's folding-arm desk lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]
- Hamm, Mr. Potato Head: [stop their card game, and run over to the window in panic] BUZZ!
- Woody: Buzz!
- [Buzz flies into the bushes nearby and disappears]
- Slinky Dog: [the rest of Andy's toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.
- [Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]
- [watching guests arrive for Andy's party]
- Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
- Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes*, you idiot.
- Rex: They're getting bigger...
- Slinky Dog: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
- [boy turns around, revealing the full length of the box he's carrying]
- Rex, Hamm, Slinky Dog: AAAAAHH!
- Sergeant: Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!
- Hamm: Way to go, Ida-ho!
- Mr. Potato Head: Gee, I'd better shave!
- [pulls off his moustache]
- Sergeant: [he can't see what Andy is holding up] It's a...
- Rex: It's A WHAT? WHAT IS IIIITTTTT?
- [Rex shakes the table, inadvertently knocking off the TalkBoy and causing the batteries to fall out]
- Rex: Oh, no!
- Mr. Potato Head: Oh, you big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
- Rex: Way to go, Rex!
- [moves forward]
- Woody: [as the toys struggle to put the batteries back in the TalkBoy] No, no, turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!
- Hamm: He's putting them in backward!
- [to Mr. Potato Head]
- Hamm: Hey, you're putting 'em in backwards!
- Woody: PLUS IS POSITIVE! MINUS IS NEGATIVE! Oh, let me!
- [jumps down]
- Sergeant: [downstairs, into the Baby Monitor] Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
- [Woody puts the batteries back in properly and picks the Talkboy up]
- Sergeant: ... juvenile intrusion, repeat! Assume your positions now!
- Woody: ANDY'S COMING! Everybody back to your places! Hurry!
- [mayhem breaks out]
- Mr. Potato Head: [in a panic] Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
- Rex: Out of my way! Here I come, here I come!
- [Rex bonks his head with bucket]
- Rex: Hey, Woody? Where'd you go?
- Mr. Potato Head: He's lying, Buzz ain't there.
- [Woody returns with Buzz's detached arm, hiding it slightly from the other toys]
- Woody: Oh, hi Buzz. Why don't you say hello to the guys over there?
- Woody: [Imitating Buzz's voice] Hiya fellas. To infinity and beyond!
- Rex: [while Slinky and Bo Peep look excited] Hey look, it's Buzz!
- Woody: [shakes the arm's hand] Yeah, hey, Buzz. Let's show the guys our new secret best-friends hand shake. Gimme five, man!
- [Hi fives Buzz's severed arm]
- Hamm: [to Mr. Potato Head] Something's screwy here.
- Woody: So, you see. We're friends now, guys. Aren't we, Buzz?
- [imitates Buzz]
- Woody: You bet, give me a hug.
- [makes the arm grab his neck and pull him forward into a hug; chuckles]
- Woody: Oh. I love you, too.
- Slinky Dog: See? It is Buzz!
- [to Mr. Potato Head]
- Slinky Dog: Now give back the lights, Potato Head.
- Woody: Has everybody picked a moving buddy?
- Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious!
- Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have one already!
- Mr. Potato Head: [holding his left arm in his right hand] Do we have to hold hands?
- [All laugh]
- Slinky Dog: It's Sid!
- Rex: I thought he was at summer camp!
- Hamm: They must've kicked him out early this year.
- Rex: Oh no, not Sid!
- Mr. Potato Head: [while playing Battleship] Ah, ha. B-3.
- Hamm: Miss. G-6.
- Mr. Potato Head: Aw, you sunk it!
- [Hamm chuckles]
- Mr. Potato Head: Are you peeking?
- Hamm: Hey, quit your whining and pay up.
- [Mr. Potato Head plls off one of his ears]
- Hamm: No, no, not the ear. Gimme the nose.
- Mr. Potato Head: [pulls off his nose] How 'bout 3 out of 5?
- Mr. Potato Head: [as Woody tries to persuade everyone that Buzz is alright so that they may help him over] Wait just a minute. What are you trying to pull?
- Woody: [throwing both hands into the air, accidentally revealing Buzz' severed arm completely] Nothing!
- [the toys from Andy's Room scream in horror, and Rex throws up at the sight of it. Realizing his mistake, Woody tries to hide the arm behind his back]
- Hamm: Oh, that is disgusting!
- Mr. Potato Head: Murderer!
- Woody: No! No, no, no, no! It's not what you think. I swear!
- Mr. Potato Head: Save it for the jury! I hope Sid pulls your voice box out, ya creep!
- [throws the string of Christmas lights out the window, which go flying back to Sid's house, and land into Sid's Yard]
- Woody: [pleading for mercy] No! No! No, no! Don't leave! Don't leave! You've gotta help us, please! You don't know what's it's like over here!
- Mr. Potato Head: [he and the other toys start to leave, except Slinky] Come on let's get outta here.
- Hamm: Go back to your lives, citizens. Show's over.
- Woody: [to Slinky, who's also beginning to leave] Slink! Slink, please! Please, listen to me!
- Woody: [Slinky sadly closes the blinds] No! No, come back!
- Woody: [sadly] SLI-I-I-I-NKYYY!
- Andy: Mom, have you seen Woody?
- Andy's Mom: Where was the last place you left him?
- Andy: Right here in the van.
- Andy's Mom: I'm sure he's there. You're just not looking hard enough.
- Andy: He's not here, mom. Woody's gone!
- Bo Peep: Woody's gone?
- Hamm: Oh boy, the weasel ran away.
- Mr. Potato Head: Huh? Huh? I told you he was guilty.
- Rex: Who would have thought he was capable of such atrocities?
- Bo Peep: [to Slinky Dog] Oh Slink, I hope he's okay.