Michael J. Fox credited as playing...
Mike Flaherty
- Mike: My grandmother thought that a homosexual was a person who slept with one person their whole life. We were gonna let it slide but she kept telling the mailman she was a homosexual.
- [the staff is concerned that the mayor may cheat on his wife]
- Mike: All right, everybody huddle up, close your eyes, I want to paint you a mental picture; the mayor is very vulnerable tonight, there are a lot of reporters here tonight, and also in attendance is a woman I will refer to simply as "The Shark", whereas the Mayor is like an older, slow-moving sea lion.
- Stuart: [French accent] I will stay aboard the Calypso, while my assistant, Mike, dive into the ocean to join in the life and death struggle between the shark and the noble sea lion.
- Mayor Winston: Mike, look out that window. We preside over the greatest city in the world.
- Mike: Sir, that's New Jersey.
- Mike: Look at Dick Clark. Not a grey hair on his head and he's as popular now as he was 100 years ago.
- Mike: Anybody read this? Bingo died.
- Karen: Ohh! Who's Bingo?
- Mike: Only the city's most decorated police dog.
- Nikki: Oh, yeah, right. He pulled that drowning kid out of the reservoir.
- James: And didn't he sniff out 10 kilos of cocaine at La Guardia?
- Mike: Yeah. Poor little guy didn't sleep for weeks after that.
- [Stuart is making fun of Carter's boyfriend, who is a boxer]
- Mike: That's right, Stuart. Taunt the professional ass kicker.
- [locked in Paul's trunk]
- Caitlin: I know you would enjoy this.
- Mike: What are you taking about? I am not enjoying this!
- Caitlin: Yes you are. I can feel "it."
- Mike: That's a tire iron.
- Caitlin: I don't care what sick name you call it! Get it off me!
- [Pulls out a tire iron]
- Mike: See.
- Caitlin: Ok. Then what is "that!
- Mike: Ok. I am a little excited.
- [Caitlin kissed Mike when there was turbulence]
- Mike: I get it. So whenever you're scared, you make out with guy nearest to you. Someday, you're going to make some mugger really happy.
- Mayor Winston: Are you sure this is the best title for my autobiography? "Winston On Winston"?
- Mike: Hey, as long there aren't two guys on the cover, I think we're okay.