George Segal credited as playing...
Steven's Father
- [they are playing Porno Password - the password is "Vagina"]
- Chip Douglas: Penis. Penis. Penis...?
- Robin Harris: Vagina?
- Chip Douglas: YES! She said "vagina"! She said "vagina"!
- Steven's father: I would've said "schlong".
- Chip Douglas: Great. Now we're starting to get this.
- [Steven has had enough playing "Porno Password" after being told the password is "clitoris"]
- Steven Kovacs: I can't say that to my mother!
- Steven's father: She can handle it.
- The Cable Guy: It's just skin, Steven.
- Steven Kovacs: I don't want to do it any more!
- Steven's father: You're overreacting.
- Steven Kovacs: No! You're all being fooled by him! He's not like this! H-He's a lunatic and a felon!
- The Cable Guy: Whoa! Everybody just relax. We knew this would happen.
- Steven Kovacs: Nothing is happening! Nothing is happening!
- The Cable Guy: This is a safe place. You're with people who love you.
- Robin Harris, Steven's father, Steven's Mother: We love you.
- Steven Kovacs: I hate you! Get out of my life!
- The Cable Guy: He's projecting all of his anger onto me. Maybe I should go.
- Robin Harris: [to Cable Guy] No.
- [to Steven]
- Robin Harris: Steven, you are being an asshole!
- Steven Kovacs: What?
- The Cable Guy: Do you see what's happening? You're hitting bottom.
- [Cable Guy gets up from the couch and starts moving towards Steven]
- Steven Kovacs: You stay away from me!
- The Cable Guy: This is where the healing begins. Come on. Come on!
- [quickly leans in close to Steven and whispers]
- The Cable Guy: Robin showed me the birthmark on her left shoulder. It's *very* sexy
- [slurps with his tongue]
- The Cable Guy: [Steven proceeds to deck him; the family members gather around him in shock]
- The Cable Guy: [nursing his wound] Thank you for the delightful evening, everyone. I guess I'll be leaving now.
- [to Steven]
- The Cable Guy: I forgive you. I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.