Jamie Lee Curtis: Janet Beindorf

House Arrest

Janet Beindorf

Janet Beindorf: [hears pounding up above] What's he doing now?
Ned Beindorf: I don't know. Grover, what're you doing?
Grover: I'm nailing the door shut.
Ned Beindorf: He's nailing the door shut. If you...
Janet Beindorf, Ned Beindorf: WHAT?
Grover: You guys are going to stay down there a while.
Janet Beindorf: [runs up to the basement door] He's really doing it! He's nailing it shut!
Ned Beindorf: Grover, stop it right now! What you're doing is very bad for the wood!
Grover: We'll pay for the wood!

Ned Beindorf: They got my tools!
Janet Beindorf: And the phone's gone too!
[Ned pulls back the curtains]
Janet Beindorf: Oh my God!
Ned Beindorf: Boarded up the windows?
Grover: We boarded up the frames and filled the bases with cement. I used the cement that's been sitting in the garage for the past three years.

Ned Beindorf: Why did you have to argue?
Janet Beindorf: Why did you have to say I was critical?
Ned Beindorf: Because you are! Grover, are you drugs?
Grover: [laughs] Yeah, I'm on heroin and Stacey's on crack.
Ned Beindorf: [to Janet, smugly] Happy now?
Janet Beindorf: Oh he's kidding,
[serious tone, banging on door]
Janet Beindorf: You better be joking, do you hear me? Gregory Alan Beindorf! Do you hear me? What is wrong with you?
Grover: You guys are splitting up! That's what's wrong with me! Now get down there and start solving your problems.

Ned Beindorf: You just don't like it because it isn't your plan.
Janet Beindorf: You are so childish!
Ned Beindorf: No, I'm not! No, I'm not!
Janet Beindorf: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! Why are you acting this way?
Ned Beindorf: [sarcastically] Why am I acting this way? Why? I haven't a clue, let's take a stab at it, shall we? Oh, yeah, I got it!
[serious tone]
Ned Beindorf: We've been held hostage since Thursday, our kids are starting to act like Freud, I've probably lost my job, spent a fistfight with the town's biggest asswipe and going through the entire day listening to your stupid plan.
Janet Beindorf: [sarcastically] Oh, turning the electricity off is brilliant, oh it's a brilliant plan. Oh, yeah, I forgot you graduated from MENSA, didn't you?
[crosses fingers]
Janet Beindorf: You and Nostradamus were like this. It's a stupid plan, Ned, a stupid plan.

T.J. Krupp: [installing the security door] Folks, you're looking at the Enforcer 2000, it's the best security door that money can buy. Now uh, there's no need to thank me, it's my gift to you, and since you're my favorite new customers, here's a little bonus gift.
[shows off jumper cables]
T.J. Krupp: A shiny new pair of jumper cables, which just so happen to be connected to two, count em, two 12-bolt car batteries in my backpack, now that's why you're gonna hand over the knife, Mr. Beindorf.
Ned Beindorf: [confused] What are you talking about?
T.J. Krupp: Let's just say that this tomato here is you, gentleman, please?
[destroys tomato and it splatters them]
Janet Beindorf: Well... he wouldn't use that on us.
Ned Beindorf: No, he wouldn't.
Janet Beindorf: So let's go.
T.J. Krupp: Give it to me, Mr. Beindorf!
Ned Beindorf: [nervously] Of course.
T.J. Krupp: Now, give me whatever Mrs. Beindorf was digging with.
Janet Beindorf: That was mine, he was using this piece of chair.
T.J. Krupp: Give it to me and give me the rest of the chair too!
Ned Beindorf: Why not just tell him everything? Maybe "Hey, here's my social security number", I'm surprised you're not up there helping them.
Janet Beindorf: Well if you were, they'd never finish.
T.J. Krupp: Good, catch you later.
Ned Beindorf: Who is this guy?
T.J. Krupp: Remember, this hurts us more than than it hurts you.

Ned Beindorf: Brilliant, yeah.
[turns off electricity]
Janet Beindorf: What are you doing?
Ned Beindorf: Turning off the electricity! Don't you understand, they can't survive without electricity, no Nintendo, no MTV.
Janet Beindorf: [turns electricity back on] I already thought of it. It won't work.
Ned Beindorf: [turns electricity back off] It will work! Two hours without electricity, they'll be screaming for their mommies.
Janet Beindorf: [turns electricity back on] Two without electricity and we are gonna be screaming while they burn the house down with matches.

Janet Beindorf: [Janet sees Cosmo chewing a pillow on the couch] Grover? Grover? Grover?
Grover: Yeah, Mom?
Janet Beindorf: Can I talk to you upstairs, please? Grover, whose dog is that?
Grover: Matt's.
Janet Beindorf: This has gotten out of hand. And it's very tense down here, especially between your father and Mr. Krupp.
Grover: So what? Tell them to start getting along. They're adults.
Janet Beindorf: You know how your father gets. He's not gonna back down, especially when his pride is hurt. Honey, please, just let us out.
Grover: I can't do that.
Janet Beindorf: Well, at least give us some food. Something's gotta bend here. I know these people are your hostages, but they're also guests in our home, and we don't treat guests this way. So why don't you make a meatloaf. There's some turkey in the fridge. You can use Aunt Mary's recipe...
Grover: Recipe... yeah, I know Mom. I've made meatloaf and lasagna, pot roast. You don't have to leave notes for me, or hide them in my lunch, or laminate lists for me. I'm not a kid anymore.
Janet Beindorf: I know.