Tia Carrere credited as playing...
Victoria Chapell
- Victoria Chapell: [Richard and Victoria are making love in the dark] Richard? I'm over here.
- Victoria's Cat: MEOW!
- Principal Evelyn Doyle: What the hell's going on here?
- Victoria Chapell: I was attacked.
- Principal Evelyn Doyle: Dressed like that, what do you expect And alone with him?
- Richard Clark: It wasn't just me. There were three of us.
- Principal Evelyn Doyle: Oh. That makes it all better.
- Richard Clark: No, no. I was wrestling with the other guy. He was trying to have sex with her.
- Principal Evelyn Doyle: I don't care what your arrangement was or how it went wrong! Now you listen to me, Clark. Either you shape up or I'll bounce you out of here faster than a homo at Fort Dix!
- Victoria Chapell: Remember, some things are irreplaceable
- Richard Clark: Irreplaceable? Nothings gonna happen to me.
- [Richard drives away]
- Victoria Chapell: I was talking about my car!
- Richard Clark: Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car.
- Victoria Chapell: Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers lose their car on their first day.
- Victoria Chapell: [referring to Paco's entry into a school dance, even though it's not his school] Paco's gang always gets into other school dances, and they bring weapons to them
- Richard Clark: What kind of people bring weapons to a dance?
- [Anferney and all his friends nearby put their hands in their coats, and you hear guns cocking]
- Richard Clark: Where the hell's our waiter?
- Richard Clark: Good evening, gentlemen and welcome to Mr. A's fine dining establishment. I'm Zack. I'll be your waiter this evening, and this is my trainee, Paula. I'm an Aries. I enjoy water sports and dancing. And my hobbies are origami...
- Mr. DeMarco: Enough small talk. Just bring us two thick T-bones.
- Richard Clark: Yes, sir. Would you like those with or without the bones?
- Mr. DeMarco: And a couple of glasses of water.
- Richard Clark: All right. Let me tell you about our water then. It comes from the Los Angeles aqueduct, where it flows down a lovely cement channel on a bed of...
- Mr. DeMarco: I don't care where it came from. Just bring it to us.
- Victoria Chapell: [Taking a cart of deserts from another watier] I'll take that. It's his birthday. Would anyone care for some desserts this evening?
- Mr. DeMarco: Look, you little weasel. Just bring us what we asked for. Unless you want me to stick this bread stick up your ass.
- Richard Clark: It sure would taste better if you didn't. You might want to try buttering it first.