Bruce McCulloch credited as playing...
Alice • Cisco • Grivo • Worm Pill Scientist • Cop #2 • Cancer Boy • White Trash Man
- White Trash Man: Baby... get in the vehicle, baby!
- White Trash Woman: I'm not getting in that vehicle!
- White Trash Man: Baby, this is my gift to you!
- White Trash Woman: What? Gift? That's not a gift, you freakin' stole this!
- White Trash Man: I stole it to make it up to you, baby.
- White Trash Woman: [sobbing] Well, tell me this, then - how could you sleep with my best friend and then tell me about it?
- White Trash Man: Sure I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger!
- Cop #1: Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?
- Cop #2: Yeah, that uh... thing about toast-fucking.
- Cop #1: ...toast-fucking?
- Cop #2: Yeah - it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast.
- Cop #1: No, the... the show this morning was about that new drug.
- Cop #2: Oh. Must have been a dream I had.
- Scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
- Don: Uh, right, and what's positive about that?
- Scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
- Don: Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
- Scientist: This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends.
- Don: Well, great. Thanks for stopping by.
- Scientist: You just don't get it here! Huhoooo!
- Cisco: Okay, I was driving around last night in my sixty-two thousand dollar car. And I was trying to think of a name for the drug, then it hit me.
- Don Roritor: The name?
- Cisco: No a bird, it hit my windshield. When that happened, I got depressed.
- Natalie: Not you, Cisco!
- Cisco: Yeah, even me. But as soon as I got depressed, I got undepressed. 'Cause as I was cleaning the gleaming guts of that bird off my car, I thought of a name for the drug - Gleemonex. The slogan - Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!
- Alice: Hello, is your *uncle* home?
- Cooper's groupie: Uncle? Oh, yeah. Just a moment.
- Cooper's groupie: [calls upstairs suggestively] Uncle Chris!
- Dr. Chris Cooper: Uncle? What, are we playing *that* game again?
- Dr. Chris Cooper: [holding out cappuccino cup to assistant] My cap is luke.
- Assistant: Lukewarm, Chris?
- Cisco: No, Luke Skywalker, you fuckin' inbred.